Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Rickey’s Weekend Recap: The Northern Overexposure Edition

[Insert Shotgun Wedding Joke Here]

Rickey spent a sizeable part of this past holiday weekend watching nonstop Hurricane Gustav coverage on Fox News. It’s somewhat of a guilty pleasure—strangely riveting stuff. You give Rickey a bowl of snack food, a natural disaster, news anchors in windbreakers, and a Fox News set that looks like the bridge of the U.S.S. Enterprise and you’d damn well better believe Rickey will spend a large chunk of the day soaking it all in. The most enjoyable moment was when intrepid news personality Geraldo Rivera was broadcasting live from New Orleans and a massive propane tank broke loose and started drifting about precariously and suddenly out of nowhere, some completely insane Army Corps of Engineers guy dives into the water after it, and heroically attempts to tie a rope to the wayward propane tank. The guy’s bobbing around in harsh water, Geraldo is in full blown sensationalist mode and screaming at the top of his lungs, and Rickey is sitting on the couch with a bowl of pretzels yelling at the tv: “paddle you magnificent civil servant, paddle!” Now that’s just damned fine television.

But then Rickey’s decidedly unhealthy television session was interrupted as Ms. Henderson cajoled him into going for a nice walk outside. Which was a complete shame because Rickey totally missed the second fun filled storm of the day: the Sarah Palin debacle. Indeed, the more information that trickles in about Palin, the more Rickey is convinced that he spent more time deciding which shoes to wear this morning than John McCain did on picking his running mate. And while some of you more upright and principled bloggers might feel that’s it’s unsporting to focus on this baby daddy scandal, and that family is “off limits” because the candidates' kids aren't seeking office, Rickey asks of you: what office was Chelsea Clinton running for when John McCain made a disparaging remark about her being fathered by Janet Reno in 1998? Come now, do you seriously think Rickey is going to turn down the opportunity to lambast the GOP version of Juno? Sorry, but the entire Palin family is fair game primarily because they’re the latest embodiment of conservative hypocrisy and all around poor judgment on John McCain’s part. So, uh, how’s that insistence on abstinence only sex education working for you Mrs. Palin? Perhaps a government mandated chastity belt program would’ve worked better? You better believe that when Rickey has a kid that he’s getting the full monty in sex ed from a very early age on. The child will either go on to become the Surgeon General or the second coming of Ron Jeremy. Either way, Rickey will be proud.

And this sort of scandal is what happens when you essentially pluck a flaky family out of an MTV reality show and put them front and center. Somehow, we doubt that Joe Lieberman’s family could ever have provided this level of titillation (maybe a bit of grumbling here and there about Joe’s kids not turning off the lights when they leave the room, but that’s just about it). Bottom line, if you present the public with a vice presidential candidate who is clearly better suited for a reality television show, then you can’t be shocked when the public starts treating your campaign like an episode of Jerry Springer. Take a peek at the Palin family. Look at a picture of them sometime. You know these people, they’re cookie cutter red state Americana: they wear hooded sweatshirts, they drive massive SUVs, they’re not too keen about reading, they go crazy for sweet sixteen parties, and they get dolled up for church each week. These people are assholes, plain and simple, and while we’re sure they’d fit right in on an episode of “Laguna Beach,” they seem no less out of place on the campaign trail than Harriet Miers was when she was nominated to serve on the Supreme Court.

But hey, what else should be expect from a campaign that has demonstrated it’s willingness to traffic in pop culture themes by using attack ads comparing Barack Obama to Britney Spears and Paris Hilton? If you ask Rickey, the chickens have come home to roost, because drunk driving and teenage pregnancy are two things that the Palin family shares with the Spears and Hilton families. Like it or not, the Palin family is America’s real face, and if McCain is going to stick with Sarah Palin in order to relate to average joe voters, then he’s just going to have to deal with the inevitable baggage and accompanying ridicule. Rickey’s still voting for the guy who wrote for the Harvard Law Review, thank you very much. Funny, in all this, we didn’t even get around to discussing any substantive politics. But honestly, who needs an in depth political discussion when it already says an awful lot about Sarah Palin that she’s perfectly ok with her daughter marrying a winner like this Levi Johnston fellow? Here’s to hoping for a Rose Garden shotgun wedding, complete with pickups on the front lawn.

[Vote for Rickey’s post at Humor Blogs]

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leigh said...

typically, i HATE politics because i think it's just as bad as watching E. but i have to say, i'm enjoying watching this whole thing unfold. a word of warning - don't underestimate sarah palin. this chick's a former pageant girl. they're tough.

Rickey Henderson said...

Politics is fun as all hell if you get into the right mindset for it. Just remember, there's two ways to watch it:

1) You can revel in the absurdity of it all, or

2) Actually discuss the substantive issues at play, because they're definitely there, but the media keeps getting in the way.

RMatlack said...

I mean seriously, wtf? This is ridiculous, if McCain becomes president this kook will push her ultra-conservative views and practices on all of us. Sadly, I would prefer a war monger like Cheney to this right-winger - much rather send my children to die in a needless war instead of have them force fed this horse crap distortion of Christianity the far right evangelicals believe.

Jeff said...

"Rickey is convinced that he spent more time deciding which shoes to wear this morning than John McCain did on picking his running mate."

Rickey cracks me the hell up.

But wait... if I hear you right, you're saying that McCain knew Palin's daughter was pregnant and purposely chose her because of that - thereby securing the redneck unwed teen pregancy shotgun wedding 4x4 vote?

Huh, maybe McCain's not as dumb as I thought.

papercages said...

hmmm..tricia agrees with Rickey on this matter. Looks like Rickey might be a fairly astute tv watcher guy.

Ed in Westchester said...

We all know that if it was a Dem who had a 17 yr old daughter who was pregnant, the story would be about how "Liberals have no faith in G-d, and that is why their children are having sex outside of marriage."

My issue with Palin is that the repub's bitched that Clinton was not suited for office since he was gov of Arkansas, and Obama is not experienced enough being a 1 term senator, but Palin is OK to be a heartbeat away despite her background being mayor of a town of 9k (where she tried to ban books btw) and a 2 yr gov of Alaska. Total BS. And the so-called Liberal Media is eating it up.

One last thing Rickey, careful what you wish for. A son being Ron Jeremy is one thing, but what if you have a daughter and she becomes Jenna Jameson?
As the dad of 2 girls, Ed lives in fear of the future.

Hillary in 08 said...

Honestly, the Dems eff'ed up by picking Obama. Hillary would have been a great president. Obama is an lightwieght empty suit joke of a candidate. "I hope for change and believe change is our only hope for change in the hope of change-hope in our 57 states!"

At least Bristol Palin isn't doing drugs as Obama admittedly was when he was 17. But honestly, Bristol should have had a state mandated abortion. Obama was right, she shouldnt be punished with a baby.

You have to hand it to that old bastard McCain; Palin's inexperience only highlights Obama's "career" as a "community acivist" and his one term in the Senate running for President. Plus, her experience fighting corruption makes Biden and his lobbyist son look like inside the beltway hacks. Barack is way over his head.

Wait for the video of Obama cheering and clapping Pastor Wright's antisemitic, hatespeech sermons come October comes out.

Hillary had the votes, the corrupt Dem machine handed it to Obama against the will of the voters. The minute it was Obama, John McCain was elected president.

Write in Hillary in 08!

George said...

First, I'm all for Ron Jeremy for Surgeon General.

Second, what's wrong with you, Rickey. You really want a president who is, like, smart and shit?

Smitty said...

Hillary had the votes, the corrupt Dem machine handed it to Obama against the will of the voters. The minute it was Obama, John McCain was elected president.

Rickey! You've been PUMA-ed!! Congratulations. I'll go get the champaigne.

RMatlack said...

Hillary in 08, if you really believe those things about Obama - then I don't think you are a dem and didn't plan on voting dem anyway. I mean, why else would spout the same weak Republican talking points in an effort to bolster support for the loser of the Democratic contest. Infact, I bet you are a Republican cowering cheaply behind the login of "Hillary in '08" if not...then read on....she lost, she failed to do the math, failed to have an active strategy for winning, and failed to inspire people in the right states, and failed to get the necessary electoral votes needed to secure the nomination. Yes, I said it, she lost - now get over it.

Write in Fuck Off Hillary 08, Vote Obama.

Rickey Henderson said...

Zounds, a PUMA sighting on RwR? Rickey is so excited!

Actually, whoever wrote that is clearly a McCain supporter. They're trying too hard with the reference to the reference to "that old bastard McCain." Way to tip your hand kiddo, everyone knows that the preferred nomenclature amongst McCain detractors is "old balls McCain."

steves said...

Rickey’s still voting for the guy who wrote for the Harvard Law Review, thank you very much.

And has all that executive experience...oh wait, he doesn't, but law review does prepare you well for...ummm...doing legal research. In the interest of full disclosure, I was not on law review. I had a full time job and wasn't really interested.

You could also vote for the guy whose VP flunked a class in law school because of plagiarism. Integrity, catch it!

Anonymous said...

How bout we vote for a guy that completely ruined several companies, was arrested for drunk driving, cocaine possession & disorderly conduct, lost millions of dollars of other peoples money and ditched his National Guard service and make a deserter the Commander in Chief of the very Army he didn't have the balls to show up and serve for? All these sound like great character traits!!

Whoops, too late. Bush is already president.

steves said...

Well, crap...I am going to write in Cthulu.

Meg said...

Is Pat Paulson still alive? Just wondering....

Ed in Westchester said...

And what "executive experience" does McCain have?

It's funny how Rudy the Ghoul was playing up that Palin has more executive experience thatn Obama and Biden since she was a Gov. When was McCain a Gov? Or Mayor?

Oh and Rudy, nice job on the "maybe they believe in religion" in Palin's town quote during your speech. If so, then why is her daughter pregnant? Isn't sex before marriage bad? And I also took that as a swipe at your "beloved" NYC.

As for the pic of Lower Manhattan behind him last night, sickening.

David said...

I was hooked on Gustav right along with Rickey.

After this week, I expect the GOP campaign ads are going to be really nasty and with a whole lot more lies and distortions than they are already using.

I am mesmerized by the ability of the repubs to demonstrate the hypocrisy of defending the knocked up Alaskan trollop on the heels of demonizing urban pregnant teens.