Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Your Weekly Mets Update: The "Back in the Saddle Again" Edition

We’ll get to discussing the events of last night’s game in a minute, but first, a quick housekeeping item.

We want you to know that Rickey takes the matter of determining the winner to a caption contest extremely seriously. So when we tell you that Rickey spent all night mulling over the entries to Monday’s contest, you’ll know that Rickey is telling the truth. And on that note, we are pleased to announce that the kidney impaired individual named Renalfailure is our winner. Our sincere apologies to the multitudes of misbegotten madmen who sent in lewd captions involving Suzyn Waldman. Your time will come. (Also, in all fairness, yours were too long for Rickey to squeeze into a captioned picture).
Renalfailure, as we mentioned on Monday you now have your pick of three possible prizes, sadly, none of which will aid your hilariously ailing kidneys. Nonetheless, email Rickey at manofsteal@live.com to claim your much deserved award.

[update] he didn't take the porn! Who in their right mind wouldn't accept a treasure trove of fantastic links to previously unknown illicit websites? It's easily the most moving gift a man can give another man! Ah well. He wanted a shout out instead. So, uh, everyone go read renalfailure. There's like, words and stuff there. But no porn.

And now on to last night’s game.

Rickey was at first a bit nervous to witness Sean Marshall utterly dominating the Mets, but the bats finally woke up in the fifth inning and the Mets won the damned thing, despite the home plate ump’s very best effort to hand the game over to the Cubbies. We're not sure if the umpire was merely having a bad day or if he had just found out that Keith Hernandez and/or Gray Cohen slept with his wife, but one thing is for certain, we hope that for his own safety, he had an armed detail escorting him home from the stadium last night. The game had it all: a gutsy 125 pitch showing from Santana, Reyes’ 200th hit of the season, a freak hit involving the ball hitting the bat not once, but twice, and everyone’s favorite, Lou Pinella slowly ambling his way to the mound. A streaker made his way on to the field (and was then promptly tackled by security). Ms. Henderson even killed a guy with a trident. Things really got out of hand. Good thing the Hendersons forgot their camera in the car.

Sitting at the game and listening to the voluminous boos erupting from the crowd whenever Castillo came to the plate, it occurred to Rickey that there has never been another Mets player as utterly loathed as Luis Castillo is this year. Yes, Mets fans have grumbled about the likes of Kaz Matsui and Shawn Green, but no player arouses such rancor as Castillo does. He’s like the Henry Paulson of the sports world—everybody hates him right now. And now, a brief snippet overheard in Mezzanine Reserved, Section 9, Row A:

Rickey’s Buddy: Hey, want to go to the Friday game?

Rickey: Absolutely!

Ms. Henderson: bzz bzz bzz bzz (yes, the Hendersons communicate by means of a hive mind. Ms. Henderson is the queen bee. Rickey, the worker. And no, Rickey is not embarrassed to share this with you).

Rickey: bzz bzz bzz bzz?

Ms. Henderson: bzz bzz bzz bzz!

Rickey: (to his buddy) Shit, sorry man, I can’t. We have tickets to see Richard Lewis that night.

Random Fan: (interrupting) Uh, so let me get this straight, while we’re watching Mike Pelfrey pitch a no hitter this Friday night, you’re going to be watching Richard Lewis do stand up?

Rickey: I believe you’ve nailed it, yes.

Ugh. Well rest assured, Rickey will be praying for Friday’s game to be totally rained out so that Rickey can attend the makeup on Saturday. Sure there’s that small bit about giving the Mets pitchers an extra day of rest, but that pales in comparison, wethinks.

[Posted at Humor Blogs]

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3 comments:

Toasty Joe said...

As the head misbegotten madman with an unhealthy Suzyn Waldman fixation, I trust Rickey enjoyed my entry.

Haley said...

Bzzz bzzzzz bzzzz bzz bzzz bzzzz bzzzz bzzzzz...

Translation: If you donate money in Sarah Palin's name to Planned Parenthood, she'll get a lovely little card saying so. Just a thought... :)

Rickey Henderson said...

Toasty: oh yes, Rickey most definitely did.

Haley: ha! brilliant!