Monday, September 29, 2008

Your Weekly Mets Update: The "Yes, We Saw It Too" Edition

And so it ends. They weren't the baseball team we deserved, but they were the baseball team we'd been handed nonetheless. And for the most part, we hung in there. Putting our trust in Omar Minaya and his stalwart desire to acquire washed up and over the hill athletes. Believing that the offense was powerful enough to negate the inevitable bullpen implosions. Thinking that this year we could hang in there and scrape our way into the playoffs. And in the end, a possum offense combined with a kamikaze bullpen spelled the end for the New York Metropolitans. For those keeping score at home, this marks the second year the Mets have followed up an incredible performance from a starting pitcher by meekly bowing out of playoff contention on the last day of the regular season. And we're telling you right now: if it takes the Mets more than two business days to refund Rickey's credit card for the postseason ticket pack he charged to it, Rickey will be marching down to Shea Stadium, pitchfork in hand.

Let’s be honest with ourselves for a minute, sure, the Mets had their good moments this year, but they were never more than the occasional good run of five or six games. The great wins were few and far between and the devastating losses were so frequent that Rickey completely ran out of stock photos of train wrecks to begin snarky blog posts with. A professional baseball team cannot loose as many games in the same brutal fashion that the 2008 Mets did and still maintain a legitimate hope for a playoff birth. But in typical Mets style, they gave fans just enough of a glimmer of life to keep them watching until the last game of the season.

Where to go from here? Obviously, the bullpen needs to be completely gutted, Bob Vila style. Pedro Feleciano? It’s been not so nice knowing you. Scott Schoenweiss? Toodle-fucking-o. Aaron Heilman? Have fun schlepping mink carcasses on the outskirts of Vladivostok. Right now, the only bullpen member whose return doesn’t make us want to hide behind the couch is Joe Smith, and he was no bargain yesterday either. And Rickey doesn’t want to hear anything about signing Ollie Perez until the Mets have acquired themselves a decent closer.

We’d hate to see Jerry Manuel lose his job over this debacle, but we get the sinking feeling that’s the way Omar Minaya and the Wilpons will gravitate (strong work resigning Omar last week by the way, Fred, proving yourself to be once again a master of timing). One thing is for sure: as far as Rickey is concerned, the New York Giants’ season just began in earnest this week. And for those stalwart enough to still follow baseball, we absolutely recommend hopping on the Brewers bandwagon. Go Sausages. Hang in there folks, and don't take any guff from Yankees fans today (if one of 'em gets cute, politely ask them who played shortstop before Jeter--nine times out of ten they'll give you a blank stare). Remember gang, at the end of the day, we’re all just rooting for laundry. And yesterday, the laundry stank in Queens. Now if you’ll excuse Rickey, he has some memories to bleach out and put on spin…

[Posted at Humor Blogs]

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15 comments:

CajoleJuice said...

Actually, it looks like Manuel is coming back. Let's hope that's not the case for most of the rest of the team. Well, at least the bullpen.

Rickey Henderson said...

Well that's terrific news then, because he absolutely should. There it is: there's some potential good news to come out of all this.

Adam said...

Yes, the Mets are like the Rancor beast from Jabba's Palace- impressive on paper, but wholly vulnerable to Jedi craftiness.

Wait...

Smitty said...

I thought they were more like the Rancor Keeper: chained to a dumb beast thats own hunger for fresh meat would eventually cause the Keeper to be eaten in a crunching, screaming mess.

Deb said...

Right now, I think they're more like the immortal words of the late George Carlin -- "motherfucker, cocksucker, shit, piss, fuck, cunt and tits."

Not necessarily in that order, of course... lol :(.

George said...

And tits doesn't even belong on the list....

weesle909 said...

Was that last comment Carlin from the grave?!?!

Awesome....

Adam said...

"Hey Tits, how are ya?!"

Deb said...

"Tits" most CERTAINLY belongs.

These guys on the team are, after all, women *snicker.*

Statler said...

http://www.nataliedee.com/012708/dangerfish.jpg

renalfailure said...

Well, now that you don't have the Mets to fret about anymore, you can pay more attention to your fantasy football team... and maybe not start a bunch of players on their bye week.

Statler said...

Also, your Yankees burn is sort of irrelevant. I remember Tony Fernandez and Rafael Santana and all the other forgettable shortstops of the early 90s, but there are plenty of sincere Yankees fans who have only been following the team during the Jeter years.

10+ years is plenty of time to root for a team, and not knowing the useless sack of crap who preceded Jeter is not grounds for demoting a fan to bandwagon status. Put another way, in 15 years if I ask some 20 year old kid who Aaron Heilman is and he doesn't know, is he just a know-nothing bandwagoner?

Weak sauce, Rickey.

Rickey Henderson said...

Put another way, in 15 years if I ask some 20 year old kid who Aaron Heilman is and he doesn't know, is he just a know-nothing bandwagoner?

No, but he's a better man for it. And a far saner one to boot. Valid point about Rickey's snide Jeter remark however. Rickey's allowed to be bitter however...

Sassdawg. said...

Ricky,

The Dawg is pulling for the Rays o Sunshine coming out of Tampa Bay. Good solid underdog team, and Cliffy Floyd deserves his ring.

George said...

No need to apologize, Rickey. Jeter deserves all the snark he gets. The good thing for him is if the snark is hit sharply to his left he'll never get it.