Friday, April 30, 2010

Yeah, So Let's Try This YouTube Thing Again...

To kick off the big Mets/Phillies series this weekend, Rickey has crafted something special for you: our very own Kraken-Mets video meme. And don't worry, we're pretty certain that it's the first of its kind. If Rickey needs to explain the humor behind THIS one to you, then we're sorry, but you're officially on your own. Enjoy:

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Thursday, April 29, 2010

In Which Rickey Attempts to go Viral and Exposes Himself to Multiple Lawsuits

We give this post a shelf life of roughly 45 minutes before SNY, MLB, Paramount Pictures, the Raymond Scott Quintet, and anyone with a decent sense of humor shut it down for good. But until then, enjoy the frivolity! Below is a YouTube video that Rickey spent countless hours crafting. Because what do you do when everyone who reads your blog tells you that you should write a book? You stop writing your blog altogether and commence work on shitty YouTube videos! Brilliant!

Here's the premise behind the video (which becomes less humorous with each passing sentence Rickey devotes to explaining it): every Mets game, there is a "Play of the Game" which SNY announces. A while back, Rickey's buddy Adam, no stranger to viral videos, said something along the lines of "hey, what if we worked causality into this? What if we made a spoof of the "Play of the Game" called the "Causal Play of the Game?" Rickey loved the idea. You splice together a video beginning with a dinosaur stomping on a prehistoric fern leaf. Cut to the cliche video montage flash forwarding a few million years. Bam, there's Carlos Beltran getting caught looking to end the Mets 2007 season! Bingo, your Causal Moment of the Game!

Sounds nice, right? Yeah, well, below is that conversation taken to it's tragic and bewildering conclusion. We're sorry. So very sorry. Rest assured that the assets are now in place and the next installment will be better.

"I like Ike," get it? Ike Davis? Hello? Anyone? ...Bueller? Ahhhh, you're all humorless philistines. Pardon Rickey while he goes back to enjoying his first place Mets.

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Sunday, April 11, 2010

Adventures in Homeownership: In Which a Harmless Piece of Wall Art Goes Horrifically Awry

Rickey enjoys decorating his new home. So much so that Rickey went so far as to find a local area map of his neighborhood, order a print of it online, and commission it framed to be framed and mounted on on a wall. A stylish frame was selected, the proper matte color was picked, and Rickey was content in the knowledge that this would make a great addition to the house. Rickey is nothing if not stylistically inclined. Behold:
And under normal circumstances, the story would have ended right here. But not today. Take a good look at the above picture.

But look carefully at the image. No, closer. Closer.
See it? Woo boy. No, your eyes do not deceive you. It looks exactly what you think it looks like. Man-cock. After all that effort picking out the map, framing it, and mounting it, Rickey suddenly realized that he had hung a gigantic 48" x 34" print of a male dong on his living room wall.

How did this chain of events come to pass? We're not entirely sure. But over $800 dollars later, that's what Rickey is stuck with: a textbook anatomy picture of the male reproductive organ front and center in Rickey's new house. Oh, joy. This will make for interesting conversation at the housewarming party.

You know what Rickey blames this on the breakdown of? SOCIETY.

First off, there was the cartographer circa 1819, sitting pretty in his aerial balloon, who went totally off the reservation and decided to sketch a map in the exact likeness of his own privates. Then, there was Rickey's realtor, who completely neglected to inform the Hendersons that they were purchasing a house in an area that geographically personifies a dude's penis. And finally, there was the guy at the framing store, who in good conscience, should have said something along the lines of "whoa there buddy, you're about to drop a shitload of money framing a massive print of a man's genitals." But he didn't.
And so every one of these safety nets failed Rickey, and now here he is, stuck with an enormous picture of a dude's dong on his wall. Well, fuck. At least Rickey didn't splurge on the UV resistant museum glass option for $400 more. Still, Rickey is stuck with a piece of wall art that looks like it came fresh from the Phallic Picture Emporium.

Where exactly is Rickey's house located on the map? Best as Rickey can figure, it's swimming around somewhere in the descending testicle. For comedic purposes alone, Rickey still hung the damn thing up on the wall.

Rickey is yours to mock in the comments section below.

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