For a while, Rickey has pondered a way to make the Republican Convention slightly more bearable to watch. Ever a fan of games, Rickey toyed with the notion of a Ronald Reagan memory game, or perhaps even a Larry Craig themed game of Men’s Bathroom Twister, but in the end, we realized that the only tolerable way to watch the kabuki theatre that typifies a political convention is with the aid of a drinking game. Indeed, Rickey will see your “Maverick” and raise you a ”POW” because behold, its…
The Republican National Convention Drinking Game!
The rules: you take a sip of a frosty adult beverage when any of the following criteria listed below are met. Need help picking out a brew? Go check in with these guys, they know a helluva lot more about beer than we do (assuming he ever did them, Rickey’s beer reviews would consist of one sentence: “mmmmm, tastes like beer”). Anyhow, proceeding onwards to the game, you will take a sip…
1) Every time there is a pregnant pause in Sarah Palin’s speech. (zing!)
2) Every time the camera focuses in on an aged GOP delegate wearing a cowboy hat and you, sitting in your living room, suddenly feel twenty years younger.
3) Every time Bush Senior is awakened from his peaceful nap by the applause of the crowd, exclaims “damnit Levi, why couldn’t you just pull out like I pulled the hell out of Iraq?!” and them promptly dozes off again.
4) Every time a CNN commentator uses the phrases “finger on the button,” “hockey mom,” or “one heartbeat away from the Presidency.”
5) Every time John McCain looks out into the audience and utters the phrase “My Friends,” despite the fact that 95% of the delegates at the convention bought the 2000 Bush smear campaign against McCain hook, line, and sinker.
6) Every time the camera focuses on Cindy McCain who appears to be playing her own “Stepford Wife Percocet Self Medicating Game” in the stands.
7) Every time the appearance of Wolf Blitzer on your television reminds you how much of a total waste of an awesome name this guy is.
8) Every time Sarah Palin uses the phrase “the Sanctity of Human Life” and the camera pans to a war Vet fresh back from Iraq who’s missing an appendage or two.
9) Every time Fox News cuts to a commercial for the Rudy Giuliani 9/11 Bobblehead Doll.
10) Every time Chris Matthews mentions Winston Churchill and/or interrupts a guest to inform them—for absolutely no reason—that he is Catholic.
11) Every time prayer is invoked. (This one is for the seasoned drinker only. Unless alcohol poisoning is your bag, Rickey recommends skipping over it. They love their ostentatious displays of piety at the GOP convention).
12) Every time the name Reagan is used. (Give someone your car keys, take two Tylenols before you start, because will not be able to walk by the end of the night). If you’re looking to tailor this one a bit, Rickey advises you to do it this way: take one drink anytime anyone invokes Ronald Reagan, two drinks if they compare themselves to Reagan and three drinks if they declare that Reagan spoke to them in a dream.
[update] In the interests of full disclosure, Rickey wrote this post prior to last night's speeches. We joke around here a lot at RwR, but what Rickey watched on television last night was an absolute atrocity, top to bottom. It was a complete repudiation of everything Rickey knows to be right and true in this world and Rickey can honestly say that he's fairly embarrassed to be an American after watching it. Go read Mike's terrific post on the matter, he sums things up accurately and introduces a great new phrase into the political lexicon: "gutter patriotism."
[Posted at Humor Blogs]