Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Rickey’s Word of the Day

DESPERATION
(Definition courtesy of Merriam-Webster-Henderson)

des·per·a·tion
Pronunciation: \des-pə--shən\
Function: noun
Date: 14th century
1 : loss of hope and surrender to despair
2 : a state of hopelessness leading to rashness
3: driving into Queens this evening to watch the Mets play the Cubs and praying to your heathen god that Johan Santana can pitch a complete game and spare you the soul shattering agony of witnessing a member of the Metropolitan bullpen trot out onto the pitchers mound

Yes, that’s right, Rickey is going to tonight’s game. On purpose. Because if nothing else, watching Luis Castillo strand fourteen runners in one night builds character, much like driving 65mph through a hailstorm. This nosedive would be a helluva lot easier to endure if only the New York media wasn’t constantly drilling it into Rickey’s head that this is a repeat of September, 2007. And while it isn’t a verbatim retread of last year’s fiery plane crash, one does get that same feeling of a lifeless team going quietly into that dark and ashy Flushing night. So here’s Rickey’s ultimatum: either the Mets turn it around this evening or we’re taking a mental health day, going into complete baseball blackout mode, and you can look forward to a lengthy postmortem of the 2008 Mets season somewhere down the road. Oh yes, there will be cursing. Objects will be thrown. Feelings will be hurt. One thing we can tell you for sure—Rickey will not resemble anything close to sober when he ambles through the turnstiles at Shea this evening.

[Posted at Humor Blogs]

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10 comments:

Toasty Joe said...

"Objects will be thrown"? Good. Since if you can aim your throw so the Duracell battery ricochets off Castillo's forehead and nails Heilman in the nose.

CajoleJuice said...

I'm going to the game on Saturday. Most likely, it'll either be glorious or miserable. There is no in-between.

But the Mets absolutely need to win tonight, I agree. Another loss with Santana starting would be devastating.

Rickey Henderson said...

Well Rickey was speaking of his upcoming postmortem, but yes, Rickey and Ms. Henderson may be getting forcibly ejected when Rickey hurls a pitchfork onto the field. As far as Rickey is concerned, it's flask night under the Grand Central Parkway underpass.

Toasty Joe said...

Is it too late to amend my last comment? I'd like to change "nose" to "nuts." Thank you. Carry on.

Rickey Henderson said...

cajolejuice: you poor bastard, you're going to the same game that Rickey's dad is. As he put it: "hopefully, the game won't matter, but knowing these bums, it probably will."

Toasty Joe said...

I'll take it a step further than Rickey dad - it probably won't matter because the Mets will have been eliminated by then.

Adam said...

Jo-SE, josejosejos-se... Jo-Se Jo-o-se!

Jeff said...

Well then... I guess there won't be any thrown objects tonight. Congrats to the Mets!

Oh, and you're welcome... you know, for Santana. Glad we could help.

muskrat said...

good luck!

CajoleJuice said...

Johan Santana. :bow