Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Rickey's Vacation Coda

So true to recent form, Rickey completely neglected to keep his readers appraised of his Floridian Odyssey.  Perhaps it was because Rickey was busy banging his head on the wall due to being COMPLETELY UNABLE TO WITNESS the first no hitter in Mets history while away on vacation.  Oh bother.

In short, nothing happened in Florida.  Seafood was consumed regularly, drinks were poured liberally and sunscreen applied judiciously. Rickey Jr. enjoys the pool and is not allergic to shellfish.  You get the picture. 

Before we switch back into "zany angry blogger!" mode, one last thought on Rickey's 57 hour train ordeal (the final tally was 31 hrs down + 26 hours back)...

Travelling back, Rickey lunched with a late thirty something year old who was travelling with her 14 month old daughter.  The poor woman looked like she'd just fled Saigon.  See, aapparently her husband insisted she take the train back to New York while he flew back.  His logic?  Recent iintense solar flare activity might bombard the aircraft would harm his wife and 14 month old daughter.  And they were trying to have another kid.  Well OK then, two things... first off, that guy's got major balls.  And secondly: that's what it apparently takes to get someone to ride Amtrak??? The threat of horrific radiation dosage causing a miscarriage?  Rickey fully expects to see that in their next ad campaign. 

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Tuesday, May 29, 2012

So Florida is Very Flat

Its like the Gwyneth Paltrow of states.

We zoomed from Miami to Naples this morning along Alligator Alley in 2 hours flat. The steering wheel didn't turn once and the needle stayed at 75 mph.

(Apologies if you were expecting a repeat of the Costa Rican ordeal).

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Monday, May 28, 2012

Oh and one more thing...

In case you missed it, Rickey has a kid now. We just thought you'd like to know that sort of thing. He's 11 and a half months old as of this posting. Here's an early photo that we feel captures everybodys frame of mind right now. Rickey Jr., meet the internet. Internet, Rickey Jr.

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Rickey's Florida Vacation Part I: The 32 Hour Rail Journey

Hi there, so Rickey is blogging again. Lets get right down to business. Its travelogue time. Look for frequent updates throughout the week.

We rejoin you as Rickey and family make their way to Florida via an Amtrak sleeper. You know, just a quick and easy 32 hour jaunt from NYC to Miami. Now not to dispel whatever romantic notions you might have had about this means of transport but its not exactly the Orient Express. This is Amtrak--a dull exhibit of government managed mediocrity. Having a private room helps things a bit, especially when Rickey Jr goes nuclear, (as a teething 11 month old is likely to do in a dark cramped foreign environment). Did we mention that the tickets were a gift?

A few pointers for those of you brave enough to book an Amtrak sleeper:

1. Avoid the "Chef Inspired Maryland Crab Cakes".  Look, we're not even sure what that phrase means. We're even less sure that what Rickey ate was safe. Much time has been spent in the rooms 2'x2' toilet/shower combination nightmare closet.

2. Don't talk to anyone.  Ever. It takes a special sort of person to decide that the hassle of a 3 hour airplane trip justifies sitting on the train for a day and a half and that "getting there is half the fun!" No schmuckface, it isn't and Rickey wont be discussing this with you even if you're buying him drinks. Which brings us to ....

3. Don't drink on the train! This mode of transport is shakey enough without a few cocktails in you.  Details are fuzzy concerning what transpired last night but Rickey definitely remembers falling down on a station platform somewhere in the Carolinas due to wobbly legs. (And an ungodly amount of bourbon).

4. Tip the attendant. Its kind of a given that you need to tip generously once youve been pretty much carried back to your room and ordered to stay there for the duration of the night. Apparently the Amtrak staff thought Rickey was going to make a run for it last night in a claustrophibic fit of anger. This may or may not have been true.

5. Don't heckle the German au pair traveling to Georgia about how their country builds 200 mph trains that constantly fly off the rails. You don't even know that to be true.

6. Try not to dwell on the hypocrisy of a family of Amish riding the Amtrak.

7. Try to think of ways you'll be making this ordeal up to your wife.

Its not all terrible though. Here, have some photos of Rickey Jr.

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