Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Today, In Lieu of Sentient Thought…

Ever needed a compelling reason never to start a blog? Something to show friends as if to suggest: “seriously, don’t start a blog—you’ll be doing shit like this within a month” ? Well then friends, Rickey has the perfect meme for you. Unlike the previous one we participated in, this one is purely random, and therefore doesn’t revolve around Rickey talking about himself. And that’s a low down dirty shame if you ask us. So thanks to Mike, Rickey has been tagged for the following meme and is now required to begrudgingly:

1. Grab the nearest book (Reading? You fool! Rickey don't read.)
2. Open to page 123. (What? And you think Rickey can count?)
3. Go down to the 5th sentence.
4. Type in the following 3 sentences.
5. Tag five people. (No.)

So away we go! The book Rickey reached for is called “On Ugliness” compiled by Umberto Ecco, and it was a Christmas gift from Rickey’s father. We’ve actually been looking for an excuse to talk about this bizarre book for a while now. It’s essentially a catalogue of all things obscene, repugnant, frightening, monstrous, and repellent--here’s what the NYTimes had to say about it:

“[in this book] you will be hard pressed to find a facet of ugliness that does not rear up in some hilarious, obscene, disgusting or terrifying form.”

It’s essentially the “Freaks” book that Larry David buys as a birthday gift for Ted Danson in an episode of “Curb Your Enthusiasm.” So, uh, thanks again for the uplifting Christmas gift dad! For a little background, Rickey’s dad is a man who once brought back a shot glass and a rubber mouse for Rickey from a business trip. And this was when Rickey was eight. At this point, none of us have any clue whether or not the man is purposefully fucking with Rickey. He’s got to be, right? (Actually, Rickey made out well all things considered—Rickey’s younger brother was befuddled to receive a book on how pencils are made and a child’s sized Brooklyn Knights t-shirt from Old Navy this past Christmas).

Anyhow, getting back to the meme at hand, Rickey flipped this strange book open to page 123, and here’s what Rickey beheld:

No text, just a picture of a strangely disconcerting beastie (and believe us, this is one of the tamer pictures featured in the book). Is it a Muppet? Is it the Cloverfield monster? Is it Cthulhu? Rickey doesn’t know, but here’s what Rickey has learned from this meme: one of the benefits of being a parent is that you are provided with the opportunity to completely mess with your kids’ heads. There’s something wonderfully twisted about procuring books for your children that contain the following picture:
Nightmare fuel anyone? Anyhow, since most of the folks in Rickey’s blogging circle of friends have already been tagged for this meme, we’ll take pity on you folks and not tag anyone at all. The shenanigans end here at RwR, the alpha and omega of pointless fuckwittery such as this. Besides, you witless oafs have better things to do than read, yes? The printed word is dead! Dead, we say!

[posted at Humor Blogs, balls deep in memes since 2006!]

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leigh said...

whoa! that is some freaky shit.

my daughter was traumatized by the book, "a bad case of stripes" when she was 5. she's 11 now and when she acts up, i threaten to take it out of hiding. works every time.

Mark said...

I'm pretty sure she was my prof in first-year classics.

Shieldmaiden96 said...

Its the wrinkly boobies I find most disturbing.

Rickey Henderson said...

Out of curiousity, what exactly does a shield maiden do? Polish Rickey's shield when he's not fighting dragons?

Smitty said...

Was that last picture a drawing of Terry Bradshaw in drag?

George said...

May I please rename my blog "The Alpha and Omega of Pointless Fuckwittery"?

(First one who says, "But that's what we already call it, George," gets hit upside the head with On Ugliness.)

upstate met fan said...

Is there any way you can put a phillies hat on the dude with boobs? that would be so pretty!

Haley said...

The ogre copping a feel is just plain freaking me out.

And there is something in the blog air today about wacky/ bizarre/ inappropriate/ bad gifts. I've spent the better part of my workday over at Mrs. Furious's blog defending my own slightly askew history of giftgiving. Queen Amidala stickers, anyone? No takers? Chairman Mao pocketwatch? Nobody?

I understand your pop, Rickey.

elasticwaistbandlady said...

Okay, I was working and listening to my XM Radio and I heard David Cross' comedy bit about the annoying first-person speaking habit of Rickey Henderson....I'm so lame. I shrieked with excitement becuase I knew who and what he was talking about.

Leigh- My 11 year old daughter had that same book in English and Spanish because she loved it so much. Ummm she doesn't even speak or read Spanish. We saw the Spanish edition at the Dollar Store and she talked me into buying it.

Alex L said...

I'm not sure what to say... but I'm sure Rickeys dad is just fucking with him, why else would you encourage alcohol consumption in minors.

Rickey Henderson said...

George: certainly, as long as royalties are forwarded to Rickey's blogging war chest.

Upstate Mets Fan: Who needs photoshop to instill horror when we've already got the dreaded Anna Benson supporting the Phillies? The wench is back!

Haley: You do? Well that makes one person at least...

Elasticwaistbandlady: Glad to hear that you found illumination in the comedic stylings of David Cross. He's a riot.

Alex L: Yep, Rickey's ailing liver owes much to his father's half assed last mintue shopping spree at the airport gift shop.

AmyV said...

That book is freakin' awesome!!!!

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