Thursday, February 28, 2008

Your Weekly Linkage

Every now and then Rickey opts to cast off the shackles of original thought and subject himself to the insipid “hey would ya get a load of this!” trend in blogging in order to share items of interest that catch his eye. Therefore, below are several fascinating tidbits floating about the ether which caught Rickey’s eye. (Links now come complete with snarky commentary!) It’s an amusing little column we like to call:

Your Weekly Linkage

Sad news to report today baseball fans: Rickey has learned that former Mets right fielder, Shawn Green will be retiring. For all the criticism Greene took from Mets fans, Rickey would like to point out that he did hit .291 last season and would’ve been a strong lefty bat off the bench if the Mets had decided to resign him for the 2008 season. Why Greene didn’t draw any interest from other baseball teams during the off season is a complete mystery to us—he’s only 35 and would’ve been an invaluable veteran presence for a young call club. As we’ve previously ranted, we liked Shawn Green, not so much on account of his athletic merits as much as the fact that he was a true blue (and silver) tribesman. Sorry Brian Schneider, you may be kinda Semitic, but you’re no Shawn Green. So farewell Hebrew Hammer, and may the Schwartz be with you.

In one of the more aggravating marketing tie-ins Rickey has seen in recent years, Converse and Hunter S. Thompson’s estate have agreed to create a Hunter S. Thompson themed sneaker. We’d say that the good doctor was rolling over in his grave, but in actuality, his remains were shot out of a cannon. Leave Rickey’s dead heroes out of your sleazy corporate world Converse. And if an unscrupulous company insists on creating a promotion with a dead public figure, they should try to make it funny at least. Cory Lidle window washer fluid anyone?

To Rickey’s continuing elation, oil prices are currently hovering at the $100 a barrel mark. The observant political wonk will note that this energy price uptick just happens to coincide with Ralph Nader’s triumphant entrance into the 2008 Presidential race. Coincidence? Rickey suspects not.

Shark attacks are on the rise worldwide. The observant marine biologist will note that this increase in shark attacks just happens to coincide with the passing of the great Roy Schneider. Again, we ask: coincidence? Rickey suspects not.

Hey high school students, looking to pad your college applications? How about a rewarding summer job as Senator Larry Craig’s intern? He’s hiring!

For your enjoyment, here’s a list of the 10 Worst Celebrity Video Games. We’re not sure which is more amusing: “Shaq-Fu” (which, best as we can figure, is some kind of fighting game starring a pixilated Shaquille O’ Neil) or “LA Law: The Game.”

You want to know why Rickey absolutely loathes Disney? Well there are all sorts of reasons, but here’s the latest: ABC, in conjunction with the Cox cable company, is testing a few feature that will prevent viewers from using their TiVo/DVR to fast forward through commercials on ABC. All together now folks: fuck Disney. Rickey commends the Tragic Kingdom for bringing new relevance to the pejorative term “Mickey Mouse.”

And in further techie news, Rickey has found the perfect item for you to spend your Bush tax rebate on! (after you’ve laundered it of course). You see, now that the Blu-Ray/HD-DVD shenanigans are over, Rickey has deemed it to be finally safe to pony up and buy yourself a Blu-Ray player. And hey, Rickey just happens to have the perfect one picked out for you already: behold. It comes bundled with Metal Gear Solid 4, features an 80GB hard drive, and the snazzy new dual shock controller. $500 for a bleeding edge gaming rig and a Blu-Ray player? What a bargain! You know what the cruel tragedy here is? All of Rickey’s television's HDMI ports are occupied. Fuck fuck fuckity fuck…

McSweeney's suggestions for modern day Tintin stories? Oh yes, please.

Bad news Maurice Sendak fans: the Spike Jonze film adaptation of “Where the Wild Things Are” has allegedly run aground. Sunuvabitch. Now if you’ll pardon Rickey, while he scampers off to don his wolf suit and start up an online petition…

[Posted at Humor-Blogs]

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10 comments:

Mark said...

I liked "Tintin Doesn't Understand Art", but I was surprised I didn't see, "Tintin's Racist Adventure" listed.

George said...

I need some of that Cory Lidle fluid to clean off my monitor now.

What horribly funny bad taste.

Smitty said...

I can't wait to see Tintin Blames America First.

Mr Furious said...

WTFs with the Tintin? My daughter found some old Tintin book in the basement, and my wife and I have no idea where it came from...just got the new issue of Travel & Liesure Family, and there's an article about following Tintin's adventures...and now this?

Get out of my life, Tintin!

Mr Furious said...

David Pinto on Green:

Shawn shares some similarities to Don Mattingly, in that he lost his power suddenly due to an injury. Mattingly was a bit better before the injury, but Green kept his power two years longer than Don. Both were done at age 34 and decided to move on rather than linger in the majors. I doubt, however, if anyone will ask me if Green belongs in the Hall of Fame.

yup.

Alex L said...

Roy Schnieder died, fuck it. I hadnt heard that. I can remember playing Shaq fu... it was at least 'crap', maybe 'shit'.

Rickey Henderson said...

George: What, too soon? Rickey's got a million Cort Lidle jokes he'd love to post if doing so didn't garuntee him an express ticket to the underworld...

Mr Furious: Agreed, Greene isn't a HOFer, just an all around solid baseball player and member of the 30-30 club.

Re: all the Tintin comments... Look, as much as you will all deny it, everyone's family has a stack of old Tintin books sitting around the house somewhere, and you know what? Rickey will absolutely be passing most of them on to his kids (the ones that don't involve trips to the Congo anyway). Yes, there are a few culturally insensitive elements to them, but we're not talking about anything nearly as offensive as "Little Black Sambo" (which for reasons that defy us, Rickey's grandmother give to him as a gift as child by the way). Herge wasn't a bad guy, but he did fall victim to the bourgeoisie stereotypes of his time. Wes Anderson's movies owe a lot to Tintin--he does the same exact thing in em. Anderson romanticizes "the other" by sending white characters off to strange exotic lands and no one gives him shit about it do they?

Alright, Rickey's done writing long rants that don't make sense...

Smitty said...

I must also say that I can't for the life of me ever figure out how Dr. Ruth Westheimer ever became a sex therapist. It just seems like having her as your therapist would scar you for life.

Much like playimg her video game would forever give you a fucked-up sense of sexuality. Just seems wrong.

George said...

You've read my blog, haven't you? I like bad taste. So no offense taken, at least by me. Ms. Lidle might feel differently.

AmyV said...

they're going to make it so you can't fast-forward thru commercials on shows you've DVRd? my life has no fucking meaning anymore. satanic fascists!