Monday, February 4, 2008

Archie Manning sells sperm on eBay!

Archie Manning, you are a football God.

No, you've never won a Super Bowl, and you toiled amongst the doldrums of the NFL with your run as the quarterback of the New Orleans Saints. But you are responsible for siring two (count 'em TWO!) consecutive Super Bowl Champion quarterbacks (Peyton Manning and Eli Manning, respectively). And, quite generously, you have decided to sell your own DNA on eBay-- allowing any regular American family the chance to raise their own meal ticket. Here's the listing below:

The listing states the following:

"This sperm is 100% guaranteed! In 9 months from the date of insemination, you will have a healthy baby with the ability to throw a 30+ yard pass downfield. If you don't believe in the power of Archie Manning's seed, then you're missing out. Shipping and handling is free. Sorry, no refunds. Email with questions."

"Come" and get your ultimate Super Bowl memorabilia today!

Disclaimer: This is not true. Please don't sue us for defamation. Thank you!

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12 comments:

Adrian said...

As a Boston-dwelling Giants fan, I can tell you that this Superbowl was the sweetest comeuppance I've seen in a long, long time. UN. REAL. Lots of people crying and yelling on the T, though. I practically floated home on a tidal wave of schadenfreude.

Adam said...

The arrogance of Bill Belichick going for it on 4th and 13 will haunt that bastard for the rest of his life. Sure, it would have been a 49-yard FG attempt but your odds of hitting that 3-pointer are better than converting a fourth and long. And those 3 points mattered in the end.

This is the greatest football game I have ever seen. This is probably the greatest sports upset of all-time. Seriously, the Giants BEAT the Patriots. Beat them like a red-headed stepchild... so friggin sweet!

Rickey Henderson said...

Well done sir. But what if Rickey ends up with a lesser tier Manning, i.e., Cooper Manning?

Mike said...

Archie has no sperm left to sell . . . he shot it all into Belichick's face.

Rickey Henderson said...

By the way, props to Adam for making this site one of the top results for a google search containg the words "Archie Manning" and "semen".

Last night was completely incredible. Rickey kept a live blog during the game which he'll publish later today or tomorrow once he collects his thoughts.

Smitty said...

Archie has no sperm left to sell . . . he shot it all into Belichick's face.

That, my friend, just made me do the Chevy Chase spit-take.

Adam said...

Nothing like a good sperm joke, eh?

Mark said...

Hilarious!

I agree with Adam. That was a dumb call.

m.

Adam said...

I gotta tell you guys, this win is not diminishing in its greatness over the course of today. I slept about 2 hrs last night, I was transfixed by the post-game coverage. I cannot fully wrap my head around this truly glorious win.

I actually can get myself choked up pretty easily if I let me mind go that way. This is what being a sports fan is all about.

Joy... unapologetic joy!

Toasty Joe said...

Well put, Adam.

Rickey Henderson said...

Seconded on the talk of joy. Rickey just wishes he wasn't so "under the weather" at the moment... Should've called out sick, should've called out sick...

Gregg said...

Jacksack you kill me man - I seriously thought this was real until I saw your disclaimer ... but then again I am kind of a dipshi! Good to see you're back in form again.