Monday, January 7, 2008

Rickey's Monday Musings

It’s Monday, a day on which by definition, Rickey does not have his shit together. So rather than breaking his brain trying to write a cohesive narrative, Rickey has decided to make a list of things that have been kicking around his head. Below is a compilation of thoughts and ponderings rattling around inside Rickey’s caffeine addled mind.

Audio controls on a car’s steering wheel is the greatest technological innovation since man landed on the moon. There, Rickey said it. Now if only there was a button on Rickey’s steering wheel capable of calling in Swedish fighter jets to bombard that crossing guard that looks at him funny every morning…

“There Will Be Blood” is the best movie you will see in 2008. It’s extraordinarily well made and well acted. For those of you who haven’t heard of it, it’s about a ruthless, misanthropic oil man circa 1911 making his way in the world by doing whatever it takes to suck black gold from the soil. You know how you wished that Daniel Day Lewis’ character from “Gangs of New York” had been granted his own movie to run around in? Well this is essentially that movie, but better. Daniel Day Lewis’ character, Daniel Plainview is a revelation. He’s a brutal force of nature—the stuff of myth. Overall, the film movie feels very archetypal: very primeval & prototypical, if any of that makes sense. Day Lewis plays the role of one of the first oil barons to emerge from the black primordial muck. It’s eerie, ominous, and foreshadows our current geopolitical situation. It’s also nice to see an adult flick these days in which the director actually manages to hold the goddamned camera still. The movie opens with a wonderful homage to “2001” and doesn’t stop until, well… …we won’t spoil it for you, but it’s a riveting finale. A Really. Terrific. Finale. You owe it to yourself to go see this pronto.

And while seeing the movie, Rickey completely missed the Giants game yesterday (he thought it was a 4pm game). Um, oops? Indeed, Rickey’s kind of a fair weather football fan. Rickey will most likely hop on the bandwagon next Sunday, watch Big Blue get trounced by Dallas, and then curse football for trying to pass itself off as a viable substitute for baseball (it fucking isn’t). And that’s just how Rickey rolls: by bitterly flip flopping.

Speaking of flip flopping (worst phrase ever by the way) the New Hampshire primaries are tomorrow. Rickey recommends actually paying attention to this one because it’s most likely going to determine the outcome of the Democratic race for the White House. If Rickey knows anything about the denizens of his state of origin, it is that they can be trusted to do the right thing. We hope. Will ‘Bama slay the frigid ice dragon? Tune in Tuesday to find out! OBAMA! CLINTON! EDWARDS! IT’S THE 2008 NEW HAMPSHIRE PRIMARY ON FOX! As much as we loathe the current level of discourse created by the talking heads, a little political drama and hype every now and then is admittedly kind of fun…

New shoes that haven’t been broken in yet are a real pain in the ass to wear around the office. They seem to clomp around a great deal, thereby making it woefully difficult to sneak up on unsuspecting coworkers all ninja like and whatnot. But hey, at least Rickey didn’t wear corduroys to work today. Then he’d be totally screwed.

Monday morning emails from friends vacationing in the Galapgos that state "My dad got bitten by a sea lion yesterday morning... I haven't stopped laughing since" are always a great way of kicking off the week.

Oolong tea that is hand picked by monkeys should probably not be given the highest rating available to tea. Sure, Rickey appreciates the fact that Buddhist monks trained simians to harvest this tea, but seriously, couldn’t the monks have done a better job of it themselves? And more importantly, are the monkeys unionized? Questions like these keep Rickey awake into the wee hours of the morning. All that having been said, this is indeed some seriously good & soothing tea. (For reasons that we can’t entirely explain, Rickey and Ms. Henderson have been big into tea drinking lately).

Rickey is overjoyed that The Wire has returned to television. We know, we know you’ve heard all the critical fawning and acclaim that this show gets, so Rickey won’t bore you with the details of precisely what makes the show so good. Instead, Rickey will simply ask you whether or not you watch the show and adjust his friendship with you accordingly. Judging people based on their television viewing choices is a healthy way of socially interacting, right?

To wrap things up, Rickey would like to alert you to the following link which warrants both your attention and mouse click abilities:

Humor-Blogs.com

Click on it. Why? Well because doing so will help boost Rickey’s ranking over at that blog ring and earn him the critical acclaim that he so clearly deserves. And have no fear, once Rickey does finally achieve his hard earned fame and notoriety, this is always plenty of room on his coattails for you inglorious bastards. Now mobilize, fuckers.

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13 comments:

Smitty said...

I would buy a car with a lot less on it if it ust had steering wheel stereo controls. My current car has them, my previous car had them and I dare say all future Smitty vehicles will have them. Unless they come up with a plug that plugs my car directly into my brain. That way, I can just will my car to do whatever. Turning the volume up and down would be like flexing a muscle.

I digress.

Tea picked by monkeys? I have never heard of this wonder.

Rickey Henderson said...

Well then click on the link good sir. Not sure if it's still a current process (the USFDA might have a thing or two to say about it) but at one point in time it definitely was practiced by monks.

Mrs. Smitty said...

My car doesn't have steering wheel controls, Smitty hogs the good features... On another note, the unionization rights of monkeys should be on everyone's minds, we can't let management keep the good monkeys down.

AmyV said...

OMG. I'm a relative latecomer to The Wire (saw some of Season 3, all of Season 4 and one day will catch up with the previous seasons/eps), and it is absolutely the most amazing, completely and utterly depressing show out there. But so on the mark. I wrote pretty much a novel about it this morning. And the thing is, I have no idea how I wrote that much.

Rickey Henderson said...

It's a brilliant brilliant show Amy. Go back and watch seasons 1-4 ASAP.

What summed up last night's ep was the opening scene with the photocopier lie detector test. It's scary because the educational system is so poor that the kid has no idea what a photociper is. And the police are taking advantage of that. Yet at the same time, it's strangely comical. Riveting stuff.

mr. met said...

Daniel Day Lewis is the best actor in the universe. Nuff said.

mr. met said...

Oh, and tea picked by monkey's can only be topped by cat poop coffee.

Never heard of it? Google it and read away. Not only has this coffee passed through a living animal, you have to pay a hefty sum for the pleasure of drinking it.

Diesel said...

Yeah, I'll definitely need to see that movie. I clicked on that link, btw, and it took me to a strange world of elves and rainbows. I highly recommend it.

Toasty Joe said...

"Audio controls on a car’s steering wheel is the greatest technological innovation since man landed on the moon."

[in a cracking voice] Play artist Korn!

AmyV said...

Oh, that scene was perfect. And I gotta say that most of the newsroom scenes were pretty accurate. We're an obnoxious lot.

AmyV said...

OK, Mr. Met -

I googled cat poop coffee, and I can't believe this exists. Astounding. I thank you for bringing this to the attention of the denizens of this blog...

Rickey Henderson said...

Rickey loves new things, but he draws the line at catpoop tea.

Glad to hear The Wire's characterization of news rooms is spot on. If it makes you feel any better, the depictions of civil servants bickering over budget cuts (specifically the loss of OT and take home vehicles) is also scarily accurate.

Deb said...

I was with you on the audio buttons in the steering wheel until 2006, when the GPS in my new car came with a special destination named "wine stores". Yes, with the flick of your girlish wrist, you, too, can locate the nearest booze store, and if you need an ATM along the way, it'll show you that, too. I LOVE THE GERMANS!!!

The Wire? I live a pretty sheltered life because of TiVo. I'll have to NetFlix that show now and dig into it.