*A disclaimer: Rickey's record during the 2007 season was a stalwart 1-1, so for the love of God, please interpret these picks accordingly.
We’re sure that as far as NFL predictions go, seasoned professionals such as Bob Costas most likely possess more reliable records than Rickey. But then again, that Napoleonic prick Costas also enjoys pontificating smarmily on how Chad Johnson’s latest endzone celebration reminds him of a Busby Berkley production. So give Rickey’s picks a shot instead, will ya? Sure they rely more on “gut feelings” than “proven statistical evidence” but nonetheless, it’s better than listening to any of the 5 alarm jackasses at Fox Sports or HBO. All set? Ok, degenerate gamblers, here we go!
With Fredo Manning inexplicably playing at the highest level Rickey has ever seen, we’re suddenly confident that the Giants are capable of running train on Jessica Simpson and the entire population of Dallas. Meanwhile, in another part of town, Eagles fans are quietly rooting for a meteor to strike Cowboy Stadium on Sunday afternoon. Indeed, it should be a good game. The G-Men have gotten hot at just the right point and meanwhile, the whole “cowboy up” Texas shtick is running on fumes. Also, Rickey recommends a moratorium on the rampant speculation over whether or not Jessica Simpson will show up to support her boyfriend Tony Romo at the game. We could give a flying fuck about all that. We feel that the real story is whether or not Eli Manning’s mommy shows up to support her son.
All season, Rickey has wondered if Old Balls Farve’s star would ever stop rising. It pains us to say it, but this weekend, the end is nigh. Look for the Hawks defense to put the heat on him, causing turnovers galore. Sure, the Packers have been Jesus of Nazareth’s team during the 2007 season, but Rickey’s predicting a return to form as QB Lazarus on more than one occasion says to himself, “fuck it, I’m Brett Farve, I’m a gunslinger: let’s try lobbing another long bomb into triple coverage.” Also, for those looking to place a side bet, Rickey also puts the odds of Mike Francessa mispronouncing Mike Holmgren’s name multiple times this week on his Sunday WFAN broadcast at 10 to 1. Can’t do that Mikey, ya just can’t do that...
(In overtime). Look, Rickey figured he needed a wacky pick, so here you go—this is going to be a much closer game than you suspect. When all the other sportscasters zig, Rickey likes to zag. And while we’re talking about the Pats, Rickey would like to call to your attention the eerie similarity between the old school Patriots logo and Willem Defoe.
Even odder is the fact that the Pat Patriot mascot is in the same exact pose as Defoe’s Green Goblin character in “Spiderman.” Coincidence? Rickey thinks not. Now if only Tom Brady would start lobbing exploding pumpkin bombs to Randy Moss…
Is it just Rickey or are the Colts the least talked about Super Bowl champions in NFL history? As far as we can tell, they’re at least as good as last season, yet virtually no one talks about them. If Rickey was Peyton Manning, this would make him mad. Mad enough to completely trounce the Chargers this weekend. And those Chargers? LT aside, they’re aaaaaaa… they’re not good.
And there you have it. Please note that Rickey operates primarily on hunches and guesswork, which is a big reason why he’s only wagered on the NFL once in his life (while in Vegas, on the Patriots/Cowboys game). For those is search of further merriment, we’re told that Cletus, the dancing FOX NFL robot, dwells at Humor-Blogs.com.