Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Your Almighty Update

You know what we really like? We like dwelling in an area of NY in which, at any moment, minor celebrity Stephen Baldwin could dart out of the bushes and take pictures of our license plates. And then identify us in the local newspapers. Indeed, according to this article, the born again and supporting actor in "The Usual Suspects" is on some kind of crusade. And like any decent crusade worth it's salt, this one is based on woefully unsound doctrine and general theological quackery. Read onwards:

Actor Stephen Baldwin might be more at home on a movie set, but these days – and nights – the veteran of more than 60 films can be found on Route 59 in Nyack, New York, trying to shut down a business that shows movies – pornographic movies.

Baldwin, the youngest of the acting clan that includes older brothers Alec, Billy and Daniel, has planted himself on the sidewalk outside a new adult entertainment business located about one mile from his home and is photographing workers and their vehicles as they prepare the store for opening.


The actor says he plans to stand outside the store every day and photograph license plates of its patrons until the business closes. He will, he threatens, identify the store's customers and pay for a one-page newspaper ad each month to publish their names.


"I won't stop until it shuts down," Baldwin told the Westchester Journal News. "I don't want it this close to my house. I'm personally not OK with pornography. I definitely think that it adds to the moral decay or our culture."


Baldwin and several of his Nyack neighbors unsuccessfully protested the business's application to open last summer before the city planning board, but were told by officials their only legal authority was regulation, not prohibition.


The store, owned by the Queens-based company, Algama, will feature movies, books, magazines and video booths – and, says Baldwin, attract crime, lower property values and reduce the quality of life of the community where he's lived for 10 years.


Baldwin, who became a Christian in the wake of 9-11 and through the witness of his wife, Kennya, has become outspoken about his new faith, co-producing a Christian DVD called, "Livin' It," aimed at the extreme-sports culture of skateboarding and BMX stunt biking.


"In my position, I just don't think I'm supposed to keep my faith to myself," Baldwin told a group of Texas Southern Baptists in 2004. "I'm just doing what the Lord's telling me to do. You know, if the Lord's not telling anybody else [in Hollywood] to [talk publicly about their faith], well, then God bless 'em. But I don't think that's the case. I think there are a lot of people who don't put their faith before everything else, you know. And that's a big problem. I'm just doing what the Lord's calling me to do. Period."


For the present, it appears, the Lord is calling Baldwin to trade in his skateboard for a camera and keep vigil at the new pornography outlet in his neighborhood.


Police report Baldwin called them Friday night at 9:30 p.m., saying the shop's employees were harassing him for taking photographs. They advised everyone the actor was free to protest as long as he stayed off private property.


"He's just out there expressing his opinion," Sgt. Gerard O'Connor said. "He's more than free to do that."
Rickey learned two things from reading this article. First, the law of diminishing returns applies directly to the Baldwin family. And secondly, if that last quote from the illustrious local law enforcement is believed, it is not considered harassment to take photographs of strangers' license plates and then post then in the local newspapers. Hm, okey dokey then, in that case, at least Rickey knows he's exonerated for doing this a little while back...

The article was written back in 2006, so who knows if Baldwin is still running around doing this. We'd like to think that he' still out there though--doing his thing for the rest of us sinners.

It smells like guilt and shame over at Humor-Blogs.com.

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16 comments:

harleyfan said...

>>>First, the law of diminishing returns applies directly to the Baldwin family.

Beautifully stated and quite true. However, the bar was not set very high on the "normal" scale - on the "pecular" scale, they are a stellar group.

Smitty said...

Hilarious. I think it's because he feels awful shame for actually being an avid perveyor (sp?) of porn himself.

That's the way it is with all these zealots. They rail against something that they themselves secretly do and are ashamed of; like somehow their vehemence will absolve them down the road.

Ed the Gent said...

As a handsome man, I have always admired the Baldwin family for showing that there is such a thing as a talented handsome man (ex - everything Alec Baldwin has done, both good and bad).

But if there's one thing a handsome man should NEVER do, it's interfere with one's pornography habits. This is better known as being "rude," "intrusive," and dare I say, "sassy." In this instance, Stephen is the least handsome and talented of the bunch (save for his comic turn in"Biosphere"), not to mention the most Christian, so his shenanigans should not taint our respect for the other Baldwins, especially as they are all fans of dangerous, barely-legal pornography themselves.

Ed the Gent said...

Sorry, that should have read "Bio-Dome." I should add that he also had a strong turn as the "McGayver Smoker" in "Half Baked."

MCConfrontation said...

Funny! Between the born again Baldwin and the vanity Yankee plates I have plenty to think about this morning.

Sincerely,

Republican asshole Yankee fan who does NOT care about the Mets or their fans but does care about his porn

George said...

I'm personally not OK with pornography.

Well clearly he's doing it wrong. The secret is to be impersonally OK with pornography.

Mikey P said...

I like Alec Baldwin. I love porn. I love the Metropolitans and I vote Republican. And Yes, I am an Asshole. Where do I fit in the spectrum?

the frogster said...

I echo the applause on your "diminishing returns" statement. Wow. I had no idea. I better get a rental.

renalfailure said...

You never hear about the Arquettes doing this sort of thing.

Diesel said...

If he's got the time to hang out in front of the theater and take pics of people's license plates, I'm ok with it. Who am I to question his hobbies?

Chris C said...

Did we make the same claim when he was pimping 'BioDome'? No, we let it go.

If you make a crappy movie with Pauly Shore you have no right to tell others they can't purchase porn.

Mike said...

If you make a crappy movie with Pauly Shore you have no right to tell others they can't purchase porn.

I think Chris C about sums it up with that one.

If I fart in a crowded elevator, I can't really criticize the guy next to me for failing to brush & floss carefully that morning, can I?

But Stephen doesn't see it that way.

Rickey Henderson said...

Mikey P: you're kind of like an ostrich

Renalfailure: and yet sadly, the Baldwins are closer to what Rickey would call "American Royalty" than the Arquettes

Diesel: we don't know, a concerned citizen, perhaps?

Mike & Chris: as far as Rickey can figure, the whole point of being a "born again Christian" is that you're indeed born again with a clean slate. So it doesn't matter if you did something truly egregious like rape a nun at gunpoint or star in "Bio-Dome," you've got a blank slate...

Right?

Anonymous said...

Porn is disgusting.

Mike said...

Stephen, anonymous posting won't save you here.

Anonymous said...

You're right, Mike, I want to give it to you in the butt.