Wednesday, January 9, 2008

H-7! McCain Sinks Romney’s Battleship!

The following conversation was overheard last night in the Henderson household:

Ms. Henderson: You’re taking pictures of the television. Explain.

Rickey: Look at the nifty information on the sides of the CNN HD broadcast! It’s like Battleship! This seems like the kind of thing I could blog about!

Ms. Henderson: I’m going to go read a book.

Indeed, when Rickey purchased a flat screen television a while back, it was this very moment he had been eagerly anticipating. The moment when his glorious high definition picture would provide him with information otherwise unavailable to those mere mortals watching on a regular, non-HD set. And there you have it: live updating pie charts! A torrent of raw streaming data! Try getting information like that on a plane jane 4:3 broadcast. No sir, only glorious 16:9 broadcasts show that sort of thing.

All geekyness aside, what did Rickey take away from last night’s New Hampshire Primary? Well, first off, the road to the White House apparently goes through the set of "24." Also, Rickey learned that getting weepy wins votes. It took the “misty eyes” look to convince the NH electorate that Hillary Clinton was an actual human being (apparently they had previously assumed she was some kind of reptile).

And now, as most political pundits would say, with Clinton snagging NH, shit just got real. So look for Obama to counter Hillary’s deft political maneuver with a prolonged bout of open bawling & weeping right before the Michigan Primary on January 15th. Indeed, the gloves are off, baby.

Also, Rickey learned that Mike Huckabee’s wife closely resembles Phyllis from “The Office.” Judge for yourself:



Finally, Rickey learned that all the technology in the world cannot do anything to mitigate the awfulness that is Anderson Cooper. Rickey knows Wolf Blizter. Rickey digs Wolf Blitzer. And you sir, are no Wolf Blitzer.

Further merriment and musings on the madness that is the 2008 Election Season can be found at Humor-Blogs.

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16 comments:

Egan Foote said...

Wolf Blitzer stinks.

Egan, out!

Rickey Henderson said...

Rickey was judging Wolfy primarily on his beard and awesome name.

mr. met said...

Some reptiles DO cry so I am not so sure Hillary is out of the woods yet. Do they cry out of sadness? That is doubtful, but that surely doesn't mean a crafty reptile could not turn on the faucets when they need some votes.

Anderson Cooper may suck, but being a Vanderbilt lets you go from host of The Mole to trying to be some big time reporter. I cannot take him seriously at this point....

Speaking of people I cannot take seroiously, Ken Olbermann. I've watched too many late night SportsCenter's with him on it to take him seriously.

mr. met said...

Keith not Ken, but you get the point.

AmyV said...

Amy has to agree with Rickey - Wolf Blitzer is the best newsman name. Ever.

AmyV said...

Damn. Did Amy just refer to herself in the third person?

Rickey Henderson said...

Careful there Amy, that sort of thing is contagious.

Ed the Gent said...

EtG has to disagree with Amy and Rickey. EtG believes that "Wes Mantooth" is the finest name in broadcast television history. And EtG will follow Amy and Rickey's suit and refer to himself in the third person. EtG thanks you for starting the trend.

Ciao,
EtG

Mr Furious said...

a prolonged bout of open bawling & weeping right before the Michigan Primary on January 15th

He needn't bother. We can't vote for him here. Nor Edwards.

Yes. You read that right.

Mr Furious will now commence bawling and weeping...

Rickey Henderson said...

Wait, they're not on the ballot? Are any dems or is it just a GOP primary?

(yes, Rickey is revealing his political ignorance for the sake of enlightenment).

Smitty said...

The reason Obama and Edwards pulled off the ballot is because when the Michigan legislature voted to ove its primary to January, they broke DNC rules. The DNC, in response, is threatening to not seat any Michign delegates at the convention.

Also in response to Michigan's lawlessness, Obama, Edwards and Richardson pulled their names off of Michigan's primary ballot. Hillary, however, stayed on. Thus, the Michigan Dem ballot has Hillary, Gravel and Kucinich. Michigan also has a spot called "Uncommitted."

There is a sentiment right now, though, according to a few Michigan pollsters like EPIC-MRA, that Hillary might actually lose to "uncommitted." The Michiagn Dem PArty Chair was just on the radio this morning urging cvoters to vote "uncommitted."

renalfailure said...

Huckabee's wife looks like Alan Cumming in drag. Bad drag.

Deb said...

Anderson is hot, though. So hot, in fact, that being gay does not mitigate his hotness in the least.

Toasty Joe said...

Incidentally, does Rickey get CNN in HD? I was not even aware that CNN had an HD channel. Apparently the good people at Time-Warner Cable are withholding it from me.

Rickey Henderson said...

yeah Toasty, the good folks at Cablevision started showing CNN in HD recently. HD programming is the one thing Rickey is thankful for from the Dolans.

Toasty Joe said...

We recently got TBS HD, I think around the time of the MLB playoffs. That's the last addition I can think of. Honestly, I could give a rat's ass about CNN HD, but I would like to get Comedy Central in HD. Methinks it would spruce up the Colbert Report quite nicely.