Wednesday, May 23, 2007

This is where Rickey posts recommendations of noteworthy consumables, practices, and pastimes that have been deemed invaluable for the reader’s betterment. All products and advice listed herein have been Rickey tested and approved. Again, this is in no way shape or form a complete rip off of McSweeney’s (fa-la-la-la-la, lawyers, Rickey can’t hear you). Enjoy this week's installment of

RICKEY RECOMMENDS:

Washing your hair daily. Beware: some individuals may attempt to convince you to wash it every other day. These people are morons. Listen to them only if you’re a big fan of unkempt greasiness. Or from Long Island.

Clementines. Confused? They’re basically mini-oranges. They’re easier to peel than their larger citric brethren, easier to manage as a snack, and easier to store in your pocket without fear of oozage. And, needless to say, Rickey finds their taste superb. If your domicile lacks clementines, then the task of acquiring them has now become a “run-don’t-walk” kind of situation.

“Beyond” By Dinosaur Jr. After a nineteen year hiatus, the grandfathers of alternative music are back. What more can Rickey say about this band that hasn’t already been said by more knowledgeable folks? How about “this band is so goddamned good it’ll break your brain”? Does that work for you?

Wheat Flakes with Yogurt Clusters. Damn tasty stuff. It makes the Quaker Oatmeal guy look like an impotent little punk. Add some chopped up banana and skippy, you’ve got yourself a balanced breakfast going on.

A Made Bed. Rickey never thought it mattered, but Ms. Henderson has managed to completely reverse his opinion on the subject. A made bed really does tie the room together. 2007 is the year of made beds in the Henderson apartment.

Chicken Pot Pie. Sometimes Rickey likes to keep it simple—you know, meat and potatoes sort of stuff. Forty five minutes in the oven is an eternity to wait for this savory lazy man’s delight, but oh boy is it worth it. Gold miners and truck drivers everywhere concur: chicken pot pie is the balls.

Keeping tabs on your nemesis. Everyone has one, and you damn well need to know who yours is, where they are, and what they’re up to at all times. Rickey maintains a fluctuating list of nemeses, but the primary one happens to be Richard Nixon’s godson. That fucker’s still out there, scheming…

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13 comments:

Bob said...

That's some funny shit. How about Robert recommends?

Adam said...

How about it, Bob? What do you recommend? Plagiarism? ;)

Alex said...

zing +1 to adam!

A follow-up to the hair washing recommendation: All those artsy-fartsy, new-age hygiene hairstylists (cuz they can't be called barbers) can lick the hair on my nuts. And frankly, I don't even trust them with grooming that hair!

For someone buying a 42" flatscreen tv, does Rickey recommend any particular models?

Smitty said...

Adam:

How about it, Bob? What do you recommend? Plagiarism? ;)

I would like to point out Mr. Henderson's own admission of guilt-without-guilt:

Again, this is in no way shape or form a complete rip off of McSweeney’s (fa-la-la-la-la, lawyers, Rickey can’t hear you).

Blogs take plagiarism to new lows, indeed.

:)

Rickey Henderson said...

Hey hey, easy on the accusations. Let's all be civil now...

Rickey always gives credit when and where it's due.

What more do you want, footnotes?

Rickey Henderson said...

And Alex, re: a tv recommendation... Get a Samsung LCD. Although with your expertise, Rickey also recommends building your own damn television set. Just try not to blow your eyebrows off, ok? Mama and Papa Henderson generally frown upon that sort of thing.

...oh no wait, you don't have eyebrows at all.

Smitty said...

Hey hey, easy on the accusations. Let's all be civil now...

Smitty said...

Hey hey, easy on the accusations. Let's all be civil now...

I think adam and I are having some fun at bloggers' expense.

Adam said...

Hehehehe, I love mixing it up with y'all.

As for LCD TVs, Samsungs are magnificent, and others worthy of note are Sharp and Sony-- but be wary of pricing. Amazon.com is the way to go-- sometimes you don't even have to pay tax!

Rickey Henderson said...

Shill!

Wait, if he buys a tv off of a referral here I get money right? Ok, let's forget Samsung then. Your options are now: "Coby," "Sceptre," or "Insignia."

Adam said...

NO! He will buy his TV off of MY SITE: http://thejacksack.blogspot.com

Do it!

Scott Schroeder said...

Rickey,

Where do you get the chicken pot pies that Barfield talks about in his A's article?

Anonymous said...

Hey Rickey! I want to know where you get the pies, too! Give it up Rickey!