Monday, November 5, 2007

In Which Rickey Uses the Internets to Spy on People

*Rule #101 of of blogging: no matter how big or important your snarky blog may have become, posting a picture of a lolcat is necessary from time to time. Respect the lolcat--it's the blogging equivalent of bread & circuses.

Hey kids, you know what’s fun? Using the internet to unabashedly spy on people. And thanks to the wonderful folks at Sitemeter, Rickey can do percisely that. No, we’re not talking about anything sketchy, so have no fear; Rickey isn’t hiding in the bushes outside your house with high powered binoculars or anything like that. Instead, we just like to periodically check up on exactly how people find their way to this website. The most intriguing of these ways is to look at specific key word searches that led folks right here to RwR.

Here’s how it works. Let’s say this site contained the use of the phrase or words “roaming monkey death squad” (it does). A keyword search in Google or Yahoo would yield this site as a possible match for one’s query. And like a moth to flame, a visitor would find themselves inexplicably drawn to this fierce playground of irreverence. Unfortunately, the people at Sitemeter only let us look back at the 100 most recent hits, so that means it only goes back a day or so. However, within those 100 referrals are some interesting keyword searches.

And now, for the first time ever, Rickey is sharing this proprietary information with you in the hope of: a) giving you a peek behind at the wizard behind the curtain, and b) pimping his previous writings. How very meta. So come along as we take a peek at the manner in which wayward souls find themselves stumbling upon Rickey's site. First, the image searches:

Someone searching for an image of Giada Laurentiis (hot, hot, hot… This did not prevent Rickey from deriding her food making abilities however.)

Someone searching for an image of Larry David (Every now and then we like to post a picture of him to remind folks how perfect he’d be for the role of The Vulture in Spiderman 4).

And now the keyword searches from Google and Yahoo:

  • chicken tender buffalo wings (And damned tasty ones too—we hope they tried Rickey’s recipe)

  • rickey henderson facts (Well, duh.)

  • mets emblem pumpkin (Ya think the guy is pissed we didn’t have instructions on how to carve a Mets themed pumpkin? Hm, now that we think about it, so are we.)

  • kyle brandt sky mall (Yeah, no clue. That one is just odd.)

  • endy chavez drag bunt (We’re the first site to pop up for that search. Awesome. Endy takes way too much shit from Mets fans.)

  • "He is Vigo" "Like the buzzing of flies" (Damn, that one takes us back.)

  • shawn green batting cage (Uh what? Was someone really looking for the same batting cage that Greenie uses?)

  • the bloody mary airplane (You know, we'd always wondered what the antithesis of Virgin Airlines would be...)

  • "Dick Cheney" "The New Yorker" "Jack-o-lantern" (Evidently they were searching for that recent New Yorker cover.)

  • Mets Brick Fanwalk (Try as you might, your inscription will never be as snarky as Rickey’s.)

And now on to the more puzzling and frightening search keywords:

  • naked riding cult horse (Pardon?)

  • Masturbatorium Gulag (What. The. Fuck. Well, if you’re going to end up in a gulag, we guess that one featuring a masturbatorium is probably the way to go.)

And finally, here’s the icing on the cake:

  • "Dorky Volvo" (This website is in the third goddamned page of results that pops up. And frankly, that’s far too close for comfort. This fucking stings. Evidently RwR is your one stop shop for all things tragically unhip about the Sweedish automotive industry. See, this why Rickey is saving up for a new car. Fuck fuck fuckity fuck.)

And on that note, that concludes this installment. Rickey will make a habit of sharing this info with you from time to time because, well, it makes him giggle.

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Toasty Joe said...

Fascinating, Rickey. I plugged my site in as well, and it turns out my article "Just shut up, Filip" is the fourth link to pop up when one searches for "Filip Bondy." My entire site has thus been vindicated.

Mr Furious said...

Volvo's are Swedish. I know becuse I also drive a Dorkmobile.

Rickey Henderson said...

Rickey actually remembers you commenting on that. Not to point the finger, but it was actually your use of the word "dorky" in a comment that causes this site to pop up for that search query. So yeah...

Fletch said...

I've got you beaten like a finger jouster after AP Calc.

I often look at my keywords, but they're usually just a movie title or something "Survivor" (the TV show) related, as I write recaps.

In response to your post, I looked again, specifically with an eye on searches that I pop up high on that are maybe a bit off the beaten path.

Guess what, motherbitches? Do a search for "Angela Lansbury blog" and I'm number 2!! Feel the pain.

On the bright side, I'm number 7 for "does he look like a bitch?" and number 8 for "full house casting auditions." Sweetness.

Ms Henderson's BFF said...

Hey hey, back off the Giada, she's just announced that she's prego! =P

RJ said...

When was the last time Ricky mentioned Equus?

My favorite thing about google search feedback is the fact that one of our tags is "douchebag athletes", so anytime someone searches "_______ is a douchebag" we come up.

Good times.

Anonymous said...

You definitely don't want to be in one of the gulags that don't have a masturbatorium.