Saturday, November 3, 2007

Finger Jousting Update #1

In the interest of impartiality, we feel compelled to share the following email with you. Rickey has few rules in life, but one of them is that whenever he receives an email with anyone entitled "The Lord of the Joust," that email must be shared with others. So, in the interests of impartiality, below is the email Rickey received concerning his recent expose on the underground world of finger jousting. Never let it be said that Rickey is not a fair & balanced blogger. Read on:

Dear Rickey Henderson:

I read your article, and it was pretty typical of the
kind I often see in blogs: slightly humorous and derisive. I was really
hoping for your article to be a good positive article like the kind more
often found in newspapers on us, because I was looking forward to adding
it to the media section of the website. Sadly, it wasn't as I thought it
would be. Usually, I spend a good deal of time writing witty
replies-like line-item vetoes-and drafting all sorts of rhetorical
devices to slay the opposing writers with literary might. However, yours
wasn't really offensive enough to start bringing up personal
achievements like the class presidency, air force auxiliary, full
scholarships, sports achievements, government work, etc; and your
writing was actually quite fluid. Your insult of my picture was a rather
low blow, but that is to be expected with a picture that looks like
that. However, I have to have one with that background with that pose,
and you should have seen how bad the other one was. I'm pretty tired
from a high school football game, and I've got to work on some AP
Calculus before wrestling practice tomorrow, so I won't try to write
anymore, and I don't really care about maintaining a professional tone
as with the majority of the emails I send. Congratulations on your
article, and I hope you manage to get a large amount of readers. I do
wish that it was more positive, so I could have helped your blog spread
with as much assistance as I could offer just like we try to help out
with charities like the Muscular Dystrophy Association and Children's
Miracle Network with what little funds this project makes. Thank you for
your time, and may the joust be with you!

Julian R. Gluck
The Lord of the Joust
President of the WFJF

Thoughts? Well he's a bright young kid to say the least, but frankly all the boasting about his high school achievements kind of rubbed Rickey the wrong way. And Rickey doesn't enjoy being rubbed the wrong way. Moreover, we get the feeling that this is no more than a form letter that Julian Gluck has felt necessary to email out many, many times. Rickey knew many kids like you in his salad days Mr. Gluck, and rest assured, each and every one of them was deserving of repeated kicks to the genital region. To reiterate: your various accolades, while impressive, will always play second fiddle to the fact that you are known in certain circles as "The Lord of the Joust." Have fun living that down Mr Gluck, and be sure to call us when you've cured cancer. Until then, keep on pointing for that dream.

And for all those wanting to wish Mr. Gluck the best in all future endeavors, his email address is:

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Soup said...

Mr Gluck,

Pat yourself on the fucking back. AP Calculus?! Wow, I'm impressed.

However, you have spent your high school years poking other boys with your index finger. Is there anything else to be said?

Egan Foote said...

Mr. Henderson - I just wanted to inform you that Egan Foote throws his full support behind you in your battle against the World Finger Jousting Federation.

Egan, out.

Rickey Henderson said...

Awesome Egan, just awesome.

Rickey Henderson said...

Damnit, you stole the idea Rickey had been bouncing around: actually challenging one of these fuckers to a joust. If you look on their messageboard, one of their members is located in NJ... A finger joust in the middle of the street in Kearny would be awesome.

Egan Foote said...

We shall see if they accept my challenge... let's hope they aren't too busy with marching band practice.

Egan, out.

Mark Foley said...

Egan and Rickey-

Just one piece of advice: Be careful offering to stick your fingers into high schoolers. You have no idea how much trouble you can get in for that!!!

Respectfully Submitted,
Mark Foley (R-Fla)

Rickey Henderson said...

Good point there Rep. Foley. Short of actually having sex with another man, this finger jousting is probably the gayest thing a dude can do.

Gregg said...

I think this kid has spent too many weekends "jousting" with himself in the dark corners of his closet...

Smitty said...

What gets me is how he promotes this in-the-boys-bathroom-during-class activity as some sort of martial art.

BrentD said...

Frankly Ricky, I expected you to act with a little more reverence, having received a message from "the Lord" and all.

Let's just pray that he doesn't invoke the wrath of his divine jousting might.

Fletch said...

Not touching either of these finger banging posts with a ten-foot pole.

Toasty Joe said...

I predict Mr. Gluck is going to be in a law school class in about 6 years, making about 49 other people hate his guts on a daily basis. Any other lawyers out there can back me up on this one.

Rickey Henderson said...

This seals the deal. Rickey received the following email:

To Whom It May Concern:
No more email or forum correspondence will be made. Thank you for utilizing your freedom of speech. God bless America and our armed forces!

Julian R. Gluck
The Lord of the Joust
President of the WFJF

Egan Foote said...

The Lord of the Joust banned Egan from his site. This isn't over, douche.

Egan, out!

Rickey Henderson said...

That little prick banned Rickey from the site as well. What a fascist. You may have seen the last of Rickey Henderson on your forums Mr. Gluck, but you have not seen the last of "RickeyHenderson2007." That's right, we know how to register new accounts using new IP addresses from local libraries.

Egan Foote said...

Egan is not yet done with the World Finger Jousting Federation...

Egan, out!