Tuesday, November 13, 2007

This is where Rickey posts recommendations of noteworthy consumables, practices, and pastimes that have been deemed invaluable for the reader’s betterment. All products and pieces of advice listed herein have been Rickey tested and approved. Again, this is in no way shape or form a complete rip off of McSweeney’s (fa-la-la-la-la, lawyers, Rickey can’t hear you). Enjoy this week’s installment of

RICKEY RECOMMENDS:

Consuming an entire pizza on your own. C’mon, you can do it… Or maybe you can’t, but then so what? You’ve still got breakfast sitting in the fridge tomorrow morning. Everyone’s a winner!

Twin Peaks - The Definitive Gold Box Edition. Having been too young to watch this show when it originally aired on tv, Rickey is recommending it sight unseen. We’re fairly certain it’s worth the investment of time & money. Don’t bother telling Rickey how good an experience is in store for him. Rickey will watch this show and then tell you what your opinion about it should be.

Pregaming. Should you really be spending $7 per bottle of beer times 10 in one night? Rickey says no goddamnit. A few bottles of Labatt Blue before you commence an evening never hurt anyone. Hitting the ground running is what it’s all about people. Just don’t come crying to us when you’re hung over the next day and babbling rubbish about “retiring from drinking.” You know damn well that’s a pack of lies anyway.

Call of Duty 4. We’re tired of your run of the mill WWII shooters: been there, done that. And now that recent international affairs have become much more …shall we say, “interesting” in recent years, the time was ripe for Infinity Ward to make a modern shooter. And Rickey can report that this one does not pull any punches. We’re not sure what was more impressive: using the heat sensors of an AC130 gunship to eliminate a rogue Russian nationalist army, or scurrying around somewhere in the Middle East and trying pull off a long-distance sniper shot while correcting for wind, relative humidity, and the freaking Coriolis effect. Oh yeah, and there’s multiplayer too. The game is off the goddamned hook.

Electric Light Orchestra. Hey kids, tired of listening to music that makes you want to cry while in the shower? Everyone needs a few peppy bands in their musical portfolio and this is one of Rickey’s. While “Mr. Blue Sky,” “Hold on Tight” and “Don’t Bring me Down” are their more popular works, Rickey enjoys listening to “Showdown” most of all. Never has there been a song that is at once so ridiculous, so overly dramatic, and so totally fucking awesome at the same time (“It’s raining all over the world/Tonight, the longest night”). Every time Rickey hears this song, it pumps him up. It’s like his personal Rocky theme. And yes, we know it was used in “Kingpin”, a very underrated movie. We just saved ourselves from having to read about 10 messages telling us this. Score for us.

Finding a bookie. As of this writing, we’re still working on this one. Rickey feels that he knows just enough about the NFL (we hear good things about Tom Brady!) to give things a shot. How does one obtain a bookie anyway? By soliciting one online? This venture will seem much less appealing to Rickey when he has to sell large portions of his skin and/or marry a Ukrainian man to pay off his debts.

Pushing Daisies. Hey kids, do you like a little whimsy in your Wednesday night tv lineup? Well then give this show a shot—it’s really impossible not to enjoy. We’re petty sure that Digby, the main character’s pet golden retriever, can emote. And you theater going folks will be happy to hear that Kristen Chenoweth stars in it.

Not frequenting an eating establishment whose name begins with “Ye Olde.” It’s a recipe for disaster, just trust us on this one.

Owning your very own arcade machine featuring a beer dispenser. Rickey salutes you, Mr. "I Put A Kegerator into an Arcade Cabinet" Guy. You've found a way to bring two of Rickey’s loves into one place: drinking beer and playing games most people gave up when they were twelve. Bravo sir. Now who’s got $2,000 to loan Rickey?

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9 comments:

Mr Furious said...

“Don’t Bring me Down”

I HATE that fucking song. Mostly because it is such a solid song overall, until you get to the "Don’t bring me down...BRRRUUCE!!" refrain.*

Ugh. Way to bring me down, Lynde.

* Don't try to remind me that's not actually the lyric. That's what Mr F hears, and that's what Mr. F hates. Don't get between Mr Furious and his hate.

Rickey Henderson said...

Bruce makes a hell of a lot more sense than the actual lyric: "GROOOOOSSSS!!"

Smitty said...

Call of Duty 4 is so real that it reminded Smitty of his own time in body armor, dirt and weaponry. Real to the point where it is one small step removed from actually strapping stuff on and wading knee-deep into it. Too fucking cool for words.

On that gaming cabinet...that you can hook your gaming system into it too makes it that much more cool. So I could play Call of Duty 4 AND drink beer??? That, my friends, is better than reality.

And Smitty has to agree with Mr. F. "Don't Bring Me Down" is heinous. My level of hate doesn't match Mr. F's...but it never, ever will.

Toasty Joe said...

Twin Peaks = overrated claptrap.

George said...

Not to make all you young 'uns jealous, but I saw ELO, with the spaceship in Madison Square Garden way back when (78?).

Howard said...

I'm a HUGE ELO fan. Like a cult member, I just repurchased all of the remasters released over the past few years.

Haley said...

Pushing Daisies? Really? I usually get cuted-out about 2/3 of the way through, and I watched Gilmore, so my tolerance of cutesy shit is HIGH.

Ah, Twin Peaks, I own the VHS box set (decorated to look like a log...marketing genius). Not sure what it says that my favorite show when I was 12 revolved around a dead chick wrapped in plastic in the Pacific Northwest.

Actually, I just had a massive crush on Agent Cooper.

AmyV said...

You were too young to watch Twin Peaks when it first came out? Now I feel old. My college roommates and I sat, clutching each other and screaming, on the sofa for 20 minutes of the series finale because it was so freakin' freaky.

AmyV said...

Oh, and the second season of Peaks was pretty crappy, but not much ever on television will ever be able to compare to Season 1.