Happy Halloween from Rickey

As you can probably gather from the picture above, this holiday has special connotations for Rickey. You cynical readers may be surprised to learn that there was a time when Halloween didn’t involve dressing up like Napoleon Dynamite, or the ghost of Bob Novak, or a potential rape victim (come on now ladies, how many more promiscuous [insert profession here] outfits can you up with?) No, once upon a time, Rickey was a child at heart and dressed up as Ghostbuster for roughly ten years running as a kid, until the suit grew too small to squeeze into and society no longer permitted an eighteen year old to wear a Halloween costume to synagogue.

Rickey is the young owl eyed lad on the right sporting the proton pack. A young Egon, if you will. As you can tell from his jubilant attitude and devil may care stance, Rickey’s younger brother was clearly the Ray Stanz of the pair. Quite a dashing duo, yes, we know. You totally wish you had a mother who sewed your name onto a Ghostbusters outfit when you were a kid, don’t you? (The hats aren’t exactly Ghostbusters canon however… way to drop the ball, mom).

And what of Rickey’s Jack–Off Invitational that we so fervently promoted last week? Well, the deadline came and went for our little pumpkin carving contest and it is now official: this thing has turned into Rickey’s own personal version of “The Great Pumpkin.” Just you wait and see Charlie Brown: one year we’ll see some decent submissions! Sigh… anyhow, not counting Rickey and his brother’s creations, we received a whopping two submissions. Two! One of which wasn’t even a goddamned jack-o-lantern, just a big doll with a plastic pumpkin for a head, and the other jack-o-lantern submission looked like something a balance impaired crystal meth addict might have created. Come on now people, whatever happened to the pride that hard working Americans took in their work?

In fact, we are left wondering: is the economic situation truly so dire that people are unable to allocate the funds and time to purchase a gourd and carve a decent design into it? Does no one else enjoy this holiday as much as Rickey does? We suspect not. No, you ingrates carved yourselves pumpkins, you were simply too selfish to email your creations to Rickey. So rather than crowning anyone the victor by default, we’re bitterly scrapping the whole damned thing. There is no winner. You are all losers. Halloween is cancelled this year. Congratu-fucking-lations, you’ve ruined Halloween—we hope you can live with yourselves.

Oh yes, and just in case that last paragraph wasn’t off-putting enough, here’s Young Henderson’s pumpkin submission from down south, which certainly qualifies as scary, albeit not in the sense that we were shooting for:
Yes, the kid has issues. Last year it was a Twin Towers jack-o-lantern. This year, a confederate flag. Why? Well, we’re not altogether sure. Because he’s an insane jackass we guess. It goes without saying that his Ghostbusters jumpsuit didn’t have a Winston Zeddemore nametag on it. Wrapping things up is Rickey and Ms. Henderson’s pumpkin, which is a study in how to carve a proper jack-o-lantern. Take note, fuckwits:
He’s fat, he’s malicious & evil, and he lacks functioning ears. Ladies and gentlemen, we proudly present: Jack-o-Lantern Rush Limbaugh! Now pardon Rickey while he scampers off too see if that Ghostbusters outfit still fits…

[posted at Humor Blogs]