Monday, October 6, 2008

Your Monday Frivolity: In Which Rickey Discusses Cupcakes

This past Sunday, while Rickey lounged about on the couch watching the Giants utterly trounce the Seahawks, the illustrious Ms. Henderson got frisky and decided to try her hand at baking. Now we’re not sure if we’ve mentioned this before, but Ms. Henderson is a helluva terrific baker. Actual cooking? Uh, not so much (that’s Rickey’s domain). But give her a warm oven, some measuring cups, and a blender, and she goes completely apeshit. The recipe on tap? Why, strawberry cupcakes, of course. Now before you label Rickey a “tosser,” (like Rickey’s buddy did when Rickey informed him exactly what Rickey was eating), bear with us a minute here, ok? See, Rickey finds that cupcakes pair well with a six pack of Sam Adams Light and an afternoon spent on the couch watching some gridiron action. Yes, we also see the inherent contradiction at work here. Rickey is an exceedingly complicated man. Since Rickey doesn’t have the exact recipe on hand, here are a few of the items Ms. Henderson put in the mix that Rickey can vaguely recall:

For the Cupcake Batter:
Butter (fuck yes)
Sugar (come on you fools, do you want to live forever?)
Cake Flour
Vanilla Extract
Chopped Fresh Strawberries (aka, the only natural component in this entire recipe)

For the Frosting:
Yet More Butter (yes, we know: your poor, poor heart)
Cream Cheese (you can add low fat cream cheese like Ms. Henderson did, but at this point you’re pretty much polishing the brass rails on the Titanic. It’s all going down baby)
Stawberry Liqueur (which by the way, you need to drink a helluva lot of before you get a decent buzz going. Not that Rickey would know anything about that. Ahem).
More Chopped Fresh Strawberries
Zeus’ Semen (this may or may not be an actual ingredient, but based on how good these goddamnend things taste, we’re going to say yes it probably is).

The resulting product is the most balls out awesome dessert you’ve ever tasted. Imagine the taste of a fresh baked cookie with sweet chunks of berry goodness mixed in, topped off with a fantastically rich frosting. Whip up two dozen of these bad boys and you’ll be eating them at every possibly opportunity: while on the internet, while watching tv, while baking yet more cupcakes, while in the bathtub, etc. How does this jive with Rickey’s fitness kick? It absolutely fucking doesn’t. But Rickey is allowed to indulge himself periodically.

[Posted at Humor Blogs]

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6 comments:

Deb said...

Now that I've wiped the drool off my keyboard, do you think Rickey could kindly get that recipe from Ms. Henderson and post it?

Thanks!

Bob said...

Does Whole Foods carry Zeus' semen?

Smitty said...

I would love to drink a classic hefeweizen with those cupcakes. Even a well-crafted Strawberry Wheat would be good. But a nice tart hefe? Dreamy with those cupcakes.

Rickey Henderson said...

Deb, courtesy of Ms. Henderson, here's the recipe:

Ingredients:
2 1/2 c. cake flour
1 tsp baking soda
1/4 tsp salt
1/2 c. unsalted butter
1 1/2 c. sugar (or a little less)
2 eggs
1/3 c. buttermilk
1/4 c. oil
1 tsp vanilla extract
2 c. chopped strawberries

1/4 c. strawberries
1 Tbsp. strawberry liquor
1/2 tsp lemon juice
8 oz. cream cheese, room temp
1 1/2 sticks unsalted butter, room temp
1 3/4 c. powdered sugar
1/2 Tbsp vanilla

Directions:
-Preheat oven to 350 degrees and prepare 2 cupcake pans.
-Sift flour, salt, and baking soda in medium bowl.
-In bowl of mixer, cream butter and sugar until fluffy.
-Add eggs one at a time until combined.
-Add buttermilk, oil and vanilla until combined.
-Add flour mixture and stir until just combined.
-Fold in berries.
-Fill cupcake pans 3/4 way.
-Bake for 20 minutes.
-For frosting, put berries, liquor, and juice in saucepan.
-Bring to a boil over medium heat and then reduce to a simmer for 5 mins.
-Let cool then blend until smooth.
-In bowl of mixer mix cream cheese and butter until creamy.
-Add sugar, then vanilla.
-Add berry puree until smooth.
-Frost cupcakes when they are completely cooled.

Bob: heh, no by they absolutely should.

Smitty: well done sir, you've lent credence to the subject of cupcakes.

muskrat said...

dude, you cook, too? what an unexpected surprise!

next, you'll write about your playing the accordion.

Rickey Henderson said...

Fuck yes Rickey cooks. In honor of the beginning of the cold months, Rickey busted out the cast iron dutch oven and made some chili this past weekend. It was downright transcendent.