Hey look kids; you too can achieve peace of mind by securing your very own spot in heaven! Rickey always suspected that Heaven was essentially a country club, and now we’ve got concrete evidence to back it up. It’s the thrilling new website: Reserve a Spot in Heaven (dot com). Behold, a flowchart explaining the whole process:
If we’re reading this colorful diagram correctly, they’re essentially a friendly intermediary/banker between you and God. Mmmm, now that’s good sacrilege. Aren’t you comforted to know that you can continue living a sin filled life and simply buy your way into that heavenly firmament in the sky?
And as far as we can tell, this thing is legit (albeit very tongue-in-cheek). They’re taking payment via Visa, Mastercard, and PayPal. Rickey even found a link on PayPal’s website where the site owner is asking for some technical support. Um, sorry buddy, but Rickey kind of doubts that the help desk people over there can tell you whether or not St. Peter will accept PayPal.
Rickey enjoys this site because it’s wonderfully blasphemous and self aware of it (we hope) and is certain to rile up all the Christian nut jobs out there. We give this site about another week before Pat Robertson is on his soapbox calling for the Better Business Bureau to shut it down. Therefore, Rickey recommends that you go ahead and spend the $24.95 on your very own V.I.P. Pass to the Land of Milk & Honey. It’ll rile up the religious jackass demographic, and hey, it’s infinitely better than an eternity of endless suffering in the fiery abyss.
Best. Christmas Gift. Ever.