Thursday, December 20, 2007

Rickey's Christmas Music Accompaniment

In keeping with the recent theme of things around here, Rickey would now like to delve into the musical aspect of Christmas. We don't know about you, but Rickey would sooner nail his penis to a structure fire than listen to Mariah Carey's rendition of "All I want for Christmas is You" one more time. But hey, that's just us. So here are some of Rickey's picks for a well rounded X-mas playlist. Those considering themselves to be festive hosts will pay attention to the following selections very carefully.

To kick things off, one of Rickey's absolute favorite Christmas songs is Tom Waits' fantastic "Christmas Card From a Hooker in Minneapolis". Like any other Tom Waits song, it's gravelly, soulful, and about the less fortunate.

On the other end of the spectrum is "Christmas Time (Don't Let The Bells End)" by The Darkness. This is essentially a balls out rock opera Christmas song. And it's a perfect accompaniment to your holiday binge drinking. Rickey strongly recommends this song as well.

Remember listening to those Adam Sandler comedy albums in the 9th grade? No? Was that just Rickey? Well fuck us in the goatass then. Anyway, Norm McDonald turned in his own comedy album recently. Check out Norm's take on "The Twelve Days of Christmas" sometime. It's pretty damned funny, and we get the feeling that poor Norm needs the money.

Look, you need an old timey cheesy generic Christmas song to throw into your playlist, right? So why not go with Johnny Cash's take on "Blue Christmas"? It's perfect for when Marty McFly travels back to the year 1955 and attends the Enchantment Under the Sea!

The Eels have a fun little ditty entitled "Christmas is Going to the Dogs." 50% of Eels songs are jubilant, and the other 50% are great for slitting your wrists in a bathtub to. This song falls into that first category. Definitely look it up sometime. Woof, woof, you inglorious bastids.

For cringe value alone, absolutely nothing beats Neil Diamond's "You Make it Feel Like Christmas". Ever wondered what the godfather of unabashed sentimentality would sound like on his very own Christmas album? Wonder no longer! Behold, massively maudlin lyrics:

Lovers in love,
Yeah that's what we'll be!
I reach for that star out there in space
'Cause you make it feel like Christmassssssssss!

Curious what Christmas is like over on the Left East Coast? Well then, The Raveonettes' "The Christmas Song" is totally for you. Yep, that's from The O.C. Christmas album (welcome to the O.C., bitch). Holiday surfing rhythms abound after the jump!

And then there's Al Green's "What Christmas Means to Me." We like a holiday song that cuts straight to the chase. Sure, Sinatra's rendition of "Let it Snow" coyly hints at it, but we tip our caps to Al Green for clearing up any possible confusion: Christmas is all about the fucking. Indeed, let's get it on baby.

Eartha Kitt's "Santa Baby" is a fabulous feminist addition to your x-mas festivities. Watch your male guests' testicles retreat into their abdomens as this incredibly emasculating Christmas ditty blasts out your speakers!

Rickey really enjoys playing "2000 Miles" by the Pretenders during the holidays.. There's talk of snow, missing a loved one, and an arduous trek home. Call him sentimental, but Rickey loves that sort of thing. Screw you cynical schmucks--it's a very touching song.

The Who turn in a nifty little song fittingly entitled "Christmas" which Rickey also enjoys an awful lot. Although there's a lot of talk directed to some "Tommy" person whose identity we're not entirely certain of...

And there you have it, those are Rickey's recommendations for a solid Christmas playlist. Discuss.

Stumble Upon Toolbar


Mark said...

Great list. I love "Fairytale of New York." The Pogues version is the best, but I also like the solo version by Christy Moore. Best opening lines ever:

It was Christmas Eve babe
In the drunk tank


p.s. I heard this song recently caused some controversy because of the lyrics.

Toasty Joe said...

I heard that Tommy doesn't even know what day it is. Not only that, he doesn't know who Jesus was, or what prayin' is. can he be saved?

Smitty said...

Is Tommy that deaf, dumb and blind kid who plays pinball?

I hear me plays a mean pinball.

I hope he gets another pinball machine for Christmas.

Rickey Henderson said...

Tommy can't hear you right now. Nor can he feel you near him.

Harris said...

My fave christmas songs -

Bruce singin' Santa Claus is Comin' to Town

Bowie and Crosby singin' Little Drummer Boy

and my fave...

Band Aid's Do They Koow It's Christmas Time At All?

My fave line?

"Tonight thank God it's THEM, instead of youuuuuuu....."


Rock On,


Mikey P said...

There's a fucking war going baby!

John Lennon "Merry Christmas"

Peace in the Middle East.


Haley said...

Vince Guaraldi's "A Charlie Brown Christmas." For when you want to walk around a cry from the melancholia of it all.

Rickey Henderson said...

Good call on the Vince Guaraldi. Ms. Henderson is all about the Charlie Brown Christmas... Rickey definitely needs to download that.

Toasty Joe said...

Mrs. Toasty Joe keeps the Charlie Brown Christmas CD on an endless loop for the entire month of December.

Anonymous said...

Wow, Rickey did his homework.

My personal cringe factor nominee: any Bing Crosby Christmas album. There's nothing like listening to his soothing, child-abusing voice to really get into the holiday spirit!

Lord Likely said...

I enjoy any Christmas song with easy-to-remember lyrics, that can easily be sung along to whilst completely drunk.

mr. met said...

Shame on could you leave out Broken Social Scene's epic "Handjobs for the Holidays". Nothing gets me in the holidy spirit like a nice handy.

George said...

Mr. Met, I'm sure many of us are behind you 100% in your desires for the holidays. We certainly don't want to be in front of you 100%....

the frogster said...

What about Bob & Doug Mckenzie's "12 Days of Christmas?" I dig that one.

There aren't enough Christmas songs about fruitcake.