Thursday, December 13, 2007

Rickey Gets His Nog On

Lest you folks think that we’re not completely on board with this whole Christmas thing, there is one aspect of the holidays that Rickey is totally psyched for: egg nog. Rickey fucking loves egg nog. We cannot stress this enough. Rickey. Loves. Egg nog. Rickey could spend the duration of the holidays in the bathtub drinking egg nog and he’d be happy as a clam.

Ah heavenly egg nog. What we’re trying to say is that egg nog is totally delicious, and in no small part because it is also incredibly bad for you. Take a peek at these staggering nutriton facts. Holy shit, indeed. A four ounce serving of egg nog contains 230 calories and 7 grams of saturated fat (36% of your recommended daily intake). And that’s only four ounces… a mere half cup. Indeed, egg nog is one of those wondrous drinks that you can sip in front of a mirror and actually watch yourself gain weight. Seriously, last Christmas, Rickey was pretty sure he experienced chest pains after drinking several glasses of egg nog. (We blame the nutmeg however).

If last year was any indication of things to come, Rickey will probably consume an entire gallon of egg nog over the course of this Christmas holiday. Sweet fancy Moses, that's 128 fluid ounces....

Ok, for dignity's sake, let’s round down and assume that Rickey only consumes a mere 100 ounces of egg nog. By our math, that would still compute to 5,750 calories and 175 grams of saturated fat from drinking egg nog alone. And that’s not even counting the rest of the Christmas food that Rickey will eat this year. Or the alcohol that goes into the egg nog…

Bourbon & nutmeg? Oh fuck yes please.

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12 comments:

Harris said...

Hey Ricky,

I'm with ya on the egg nog - one thing though, since it's a two-weeks-of-a-year kinda thing, I'd recommend sticking to the all-fat stuff. I tried the low-fat. It was wasn't the same. Calories be damned!

rock on,

aitch

RJ said...

Thank God nog is a once a year thing.

It's the kind of drink that is so good you convince yourself you can take a whole glass, but halfway through you feel like you ate an entire turkey dinner.

But man it tastes good...

Deb said...

3,500 calories = 1 pound of weight. I have always hated that shit. That just gives me one more reason. However, my husband loves it, and I'm pretty sure he, too, would be delighted to spend the holidays sitting in front of his flat panel/PlayStation/XBox/Wii mega-plex with a vat of egg nog in his lap. Halo AND an expanding waistline. Merry Christmas, indeed.

Sassdawg. said...

You know what Eggnog is really good for...Making french toast....Seriously...

Sassdawg. said...

On a serious note, is there any danger of Ricky's name being mentioned on the Mitchell Report today?

the frogster said...

I'm wondering if Rickey's egg nog is generally the alcoholic variety.

Got your solution. I'm told running burns 900 calories per hour, so if you chug a gallon of the stuff then go for a six-hour run, you're all set.

You're welcome.

Lord Likely said...

Christmas is the one time of year when everyone can stop watching their waists, and just go crazy.

Although people never stop watching my waist, as it is so desirable.

George said...

Rickey posts about eggnog on Thursday. Rickey does not post on Friday.

Now we know that Rickey drinks the alcoholic variety.

Rickey Henderson said...

Indeed, Rickey, as a rule, does not post on fridays. We've got batter fish to fry.

George said...

Ah, if you're doing fish on Friday, then you aren't a drunk, you're a Catholic. For those two are never the same.

Pope Terry said...

I try not to consume anything with 'nog' in its name... which is basically just egg nog oddly enough.

Smitty said...

I think the drunken stumbling actually helps burn the calories you consumed in the eggnog itself.

I used to like to mix my eggnog with bourbon on Christmas. Recently, though, I have switched mixing bourbon with my bourbon.