Friday, December 7, 2007

Your Weekly Mets Update

As the Baseball Winter Meetings come to a close with a no notable additions to the Met roster, Rickey would like to applaud Omar Minaya’s bold new vision for the New York Mets: “sitting tight.” Why should the Metropolitans get all bent out of shape trying to acquire a snazzy ace starting pitcher when they’ve already got:

Pedro Martinez [injury prone]
El Duque [injury prone]
Oliver Perez [meltdown prone]
Mike Pelfrey [pacifier prone]
John Maine [cross dressing prone]

That’s a solid pitching lineup, yes? So what if your ace starting pitcher’s arm may physically detach from his body and sail over home plate? Seasoned veteran Johnny Estrada and/or Brian Schneider will be there to catch it! Argh, just freaking shoot us now, would you please? So far, the offseason has not been kind to a team’s fans that are giving serious consideration to purchasing the following t-shirt:


But hey, it could always be worse. Right now, the Steinbrenners could be running your baseball franchise (is it just Rickey, or do Hank Steinbrenner’s recent antics remind anyone of that old Onion Article: “Asshole Father Proud of Asshole Son”?) In search of further levity to help you Mets fans endure recent hot stove developments, Rickey presents you with the 14 Most Offbeat Clauses in Baseball Contracts. Our personal favorite:

Rollie Fingers, Oakland Athletics
"Former A’s owner Charlie Finley never thought of a gimmick he wouldn’t try, including a mechanical rabbit that delivered fresh balls to the umpire and hiring a 13-year-old MC Hammer as his “Executive V.P.” In 1972, Finley offered his players cash for growing a mustache by Father’s Day, thereby giving birth to reliever Fingers’ trademark handlebar ‘stache. The A’s went on to win the World Series that season, and Fingers’ contract for 1973 contained a $300 bonus for growing the mustache as well as $100 for the purchase of mustache wax."

And on a final note, tomorrow is Rickey’s birthday. Against our better judgment, Rickey will be turning the ripe old age of 28. We know, you’re probably saying to yourself, “Wait a second, Rickey Henderson was born on December 25, 1958. Something is clearly amiss here. All this time I legitimately believed I was reading a blog written by the greatest base stealer of all time… You sir, have duped me!” Well, um, yeah, about that….

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12 comments:

Smitty said...

Did Rickey catch that recent trade the Tigers made? Smitty smiles broadly.

Looks like the Tigs can't keep enough tickets in stock.

Rickey Henderson said...

Rickey is also pleased with this development. Maguel Cabrerra is balls out nasty--mazel tov on the acqusition smitty. Any change in pace from the usual Yanks/Bosox soap opera in the AL is always a good thing. Go Tigers.

George said...

As a fantasy owner of Cabrera, I look forward to seeing him hit in that Tiger line-up. And thank Beelze-Bud that the Yanks or Red Sox didn't get him--although my hatred of the Yanks, as a Mets fan, has its roots in my childhood, of late this sense that all of baseball is these 2 teams disgusts me. Please, Twins, send Johan anywhere else.

Except for the Pirates, they just seem pitiful. You see, I fantasy own Santana, too.

Happy Birthday, Rickey! 28! Shit, I can't remember 28.

Joel B. said...

CrummyJoel's Blue Jays have taken the same tack as Rickey's Mets.

Nice to know that more than one team has the "Hey, it didn't work last year, how bad can it be?" approach.

Grrrrrr......

Haley said...

Happy Birthday Rickey! Don't fret about 28 -- I turned the Big 3-0 two days ago, and we Sagitarians age beautifully...we can't find our way out of a paper bag with a GPS, but we age beautifully...

Ed the Gent said...

A happy birthday to you, good sire. I should hope you will avoid thinking about the Mets' gloomy prospects for 2008 to ensure a spotless birthday. As I am a Mets fan as well, I am finding myself increasingly lured towards supporting the ungentlemanly-yet-gangsta outfield of the Nationals: Mo Pena, Da Edge, and Elijah Dukes. The Alize will be flowing like wine in that clubhouse.

And thank you for your musical suggestion. I personally like to play "Debarge" whenever I am doing boom boom with my lady in a NY setting.

Ciao,
EtG

Diesel said...

Happy Birthday! To me, 'Rickey Henderson' sounds more like an 8-year-old retarded kid than a professional baseball player. But that's probably just me.

Deb said...

That's okay. I also read Sons of Steve Garvey, and I'm pretty sure none of them is actually Steve Sax.

Happy belated birthday. Crap, you're really young.

Toasty Joe said...

Hi, Rickey. Where did you come across that t-shirt? I know the guy who designed it.

MP said...

My apologies for ripping off the shirt and posting the pic...but I just couldn't resist...If I can actually buy one let me know...it would be worth at least the price Omar's going to pay Jeff Fassero to pitch for the Mets in 2008.

Rickey Henderson said...

Really? That's pretty funny. A buddy of Rickey's sent him the link sometime last week.

Mikey P said...

I am flattered that someone else likes the shirt...

Here is the link to the shirt:

www.cafepress.com/diehardmetsfan

I have a few others up there too...

check out the Omar and Willie '08 election shirt... sure to please...

In Omar We Trust Coming soon...