As the Baseball Winter Meetings come to a close with a no notable additions to the Met roster, Rickey would like to applaud Omar Minaya’s bold new vision for the New York Mets: “sitting tight.” Why should the Metropolitans get all bent out of shape trying to acquire a snazzy ace starting pitcher when they’ve already got:
Pedro Martinez [injury prone]
El Duque [injury prone]
Oliver Perez [meltdown prone]
Mike Pelfrey [pacifier prone]
John Maine [cross dressing prone]
That’s a solid pitching lineup, yes? So what if your ace starting pitcher’s arm may physically detach from his body and sail over home plate? Seasoned veteran Johnny Estrada and/or Brian Schneider will be there to catch it! Argh, just freaking shoot us now, would you please? So far, the offseason has not been kind to a team’s fans that are giving serious consideration to purchasing the following t-shirt:
But hey, it could always be worse. Right now, the Steinbrenners could be running your baseball franchise (is it just Rickey, or do Hank Steinbrenner’s recent antics remind anyone of that old Onion Article: “Asshole Father Proud of Asshole Son”?) In search of further levity to help you Mets fans endure recent hot stove developments, Rickey presents you with the 14 Most Offbeat Clauses in Baseball Contracts. Our personal favorite:
Rollie Fingers, Oakland Athletics
"Former A’s owner Charlie Finley never thought of a gimmick he wouldn’t try, including a mechanical rabbit that delivered fresh balls to the umpire and hiring a 13-year-old MC Hammer as his “Executive V.P.” In 1972, Finley offered his players cash for growing a mustache by Father’s Day, thereby giving birth to reliever Fingers’ trademark handlebar ‘stache. The A’s went on to win the World Series that season, and Fingers’ contract for 1973 contained a $300 bonus for growing the mustache as well as $100 for the purchase of mustache wax."
And on a final note, tomorrow is Rickey’s birthday. Against our better judgment, Rickey will be turning the ripe old age of 28. We know, you’re probably saying to yourself, “Wait a second, Rickey Henderson was born on December 25, 1958. Something is clearly amiss here. All this time I legitimately believed I was reading a blog written by the greatest base stealer of all time… You sir, have duped me!” Well, um, yeah, about that….