Monday, August 6, 2007

What Rickey Learned from Jury Duty

Now that Rickey’s all done with jury duty, he can safely share the following pieces of advice with you:

1) When being questioned by the judge if you’ve ever been victim of a crime, and the juror preceding you divulges a horrific ordeal about being robbed and having their face slashed, it’s generally not a good idea to follow that up with a story about how your iPod was stolen. Meh, Rickey was victimized damnit, and he wanted the judicial system to be aware of it.

2) No matter how attractive she may be, a married woman with a six month old child at home probably isn’t the best choice from the jury pool to hit on. We imagine that she’s a little too committed to other things to be dating at this point… (you know, with the whole infant thing and marriage and whatnot). But did this bit of common sense stop an overzealous radiologist from pursuing that unattainable fruit? No it did not.

3) Finally, remember to get adequately frisky when the attorneys question you. Rickey was explained the notion of circumstantial evidence by the prosecution as follows: “Now Mr. Henderson, let’s say that one day you come home and find all the chocolate cookies from your cookie jar eaten and you noticed that your child had chocolate all over their face… could you safely assume that your child had eaten the cookies?” Rickey informed the attorney that he wasn’t comfortable with using cookie theft as an example of circumstantial evidence in a criminal trial and that no, one cannot safely draw that conclusion. Other children (and possibly the dog) could have been involved in the caper. Rickey pointed out that for all he knew, there could’ve been a full blown cookie conspiracy afoot. And this glib response is how Rickey got himself excused from jury duty.

*Thanks to Adam for holding down the fort while Rickey was busy serving his community. More posts to follow once Rickey digs out from the mound of work on his desk...

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Adam said...

Al you needed to say to the prosecutor was this:

"O.J. was innocent!"

Case closed.

Welcome back, Senor Rickey. Now please post about the lesser-covered baseball milestone from last weekend, namely Glavine's 300th win. How many of those wins were at the cost of the Mets back in the 1990s? Too many... (sigh) Congratulations, Tommy!

AmyV said...

Is that really how you got out of jury duty? Even if not, still brilliant.

Rickey Henderson said...

Yep Amy, Rickey wasn't selected primarily due to that. Virtually everyone else in the jury pool had summer vacations and were therefore ineligible, so the lawyers honed in on Rickey. That wiseass answer got Rickey out of it.

Smitty said...

Well played, Mr. Henderson.

Toasty Joe said...

Ricky, you never fail to disappoint. Your first point had me cracking up. Well played, indeed, sir.

Mike said...

Damn lawyers.