Thursday, August 16, 2007

Just In Case You Forgot Who Your 2007 Giants Quarterback Was...

Hey now, that’s a fantastic picture of Giants Quarterback Eli Manning isn’t it? (And come to think of it, the closed eyes would explain of lot of his passes last season). Recently, the NY Daily News thought it would be a good idea to let fans post questions for Eli Manning to answer. So in hopes of honing his heckling abilities, Rickey thought he’d add a few of his own questions to the list. If the folks at the Daily News have any sense of humor whatsoever, some of these will still be up at their site. Here’s a few of the choicest ones:

Dear Eli,
What are your hobbies? As a Giants fan, my hobbies include reading, crocheting, and banging my head against the wall whenever you trot off the bench.

Hey Eli,
Where do you go to cry after your games?

You're not going to ask me to hold your hand during halftime anymore are you?
-Tom Coughlin

Eli, your father still cuts up your food for you, correct?

What phase of Phil Collins' career do you prefer more: the Genesis era, or his solo work?

Second to Brian Griese, you're one of my favorite football players. Tell me Eli, do you know what a "Rusty Trombone" is?

As a Faulknerian man-child prematurely thrust into the spotlight, do you find the New York Media to be overly intimidating and demanding?

Hey there cupcake. Just wanted you to know I'll be following your season with great interest.
-Jarrod Lorenzen

What best helps you to wind down after a difficult game: a nice cup of tea or autoerotic asphyxiation?

Why do you hate your father?
-Archie M.

At your earliest possible convenience, I have an exciting new venture in the realm of cockfighting that I think you'd be interested in.
-Ron Mexico (aka Michael Vick)

Hi Eli,
How many 8 year olds do you think you could beat up before they overwhelmed you?

I was wondering if you could settle a bet my friend and I had. He thinks you drive a Mini Cooper but I'm thinking that it's actually a PT Cruiser. Which is it?

Why does your character in Madden ’08 always fumble the ball?

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Adam said...

Unfortunately, Eli is the poser-boy for his (our?) generation.

This is a guy who never lifted a sack of concrete mix in his life. This is a guy who thinks a can opener is some Hispanic servant. This is a guy who had his life placed before him and who probably doesn't care either way if he wins a Super Bowl or ends up being an overpaid second-stringer. He has NO HEART whatsoever. I love puppies, but if Eli was a puppy, I'd kick him.

Rickey Henderson said...

Indeed. And the worst part about all this is that San Diego fans are laughing their asses off all the way to the bank. Talk about tacky--getting your famous father to get you out of being drafted by a team...

Egan Foote said...

Eli - Which show do you prefer: "The Nine" or "Star Trek Enterprise"?

Egan, out.

Rickey Henderson said...

Lesser of two weevils Egan. Rickey would begrudgingly have to go with Star Trek Enterprise, if only because that's the only one he's bothered to watch an episode of.

Adam said...

When's our next beard update?

Rickey Henderson said...

Monday at the latest. Things have been progressing well and an update will be necessary shortly.

Smitty said...

Can you grow a beard like Mike's?

Anonymous said...

Dear Eli,
Do you have to practice a lot to get the deep ball to wobble like a squirrel that has been shot out of a cannon?
Thanks for taking the time,
Randy Milligan

Rickey Henderson said...

or you could just go for the totally vulagar and ask Eli how salty Tiki Barber's balls taste...

Rickey Henderson said...

And why the hell didn't any of you people tell Rickey that he typed "2008 Giants Quarterback" in the title? No way in hell will the Giants be playing in Winter, '08. Way to drop the ball folks...

Anonymous said...

It's just that he always perpetually and forever looks stupid with an open mouth catching flies. The guy just looks like a total and complete idiot. Sad.

Anonymous said...

fuck you haters. he got his fuckin ring. took the g-men to victory.

Anonymous said...

super bowl champion you're talking about, folks.