Monday, January 5, 2009

Things Rickey Learned Over the Weekend

Rickey has exceedingly mundane dreams. Last night, Rickey dreamt that he accidentally stole a book from a friend. Then Rickey spent the remainder of the dream feeling guilty and embarrassed about it. And that was the dream. Tense and thrilling, no?

If you're going to attempt to assemble an IKEA coffee table, be prepared for an awful lot of "that's what she said!" comments. Just trust Rickey on this one. When the person you're assembling a piece of furniture with says something along the lines of "ok, we gotta flip it over and slide it in there," that's like target practice for Rickey.

Bagels & lox remains the undisputed best way to kick off a Sunday. (Bonus points if you forget to wash your hands afterward and go to the gym reeking like the Billingsgate Fish Market. No one's going to be using that chest press machine for a while).

The Dolphins' much ballyhooed "wildcat offense" failed to impress yesterday. Rickey attributes this mostly to the fact that he was religiously chanting "Finkle is Einhorn. Einhorn is Finklel!" for the duration of the AFC Wild Card game. Meanwhile in the realm of the NFC, has anyone seen that sartorial nightmare that Andy Reid calls a belt? It's industrial grade! How fat do you have to get before you start wearing the Batman utility belt? Rickey swears, the Eagles could replace Reid with a walrus and no one would notice.

The Festival of Lights takes on a whole new meaning if you happen to live in the Gaza Strip. And with that needlessly glib remark, Rickey is sitting this debate out. Those looking for insightful analysis on this sad situation should read Robert Fisk's thoughts on the matter hither.

Tom Cruise is an unsettling lunatic, but he can also occasionally act. Having seen "Valkyrie" this past weekend, Rickey's gotta give it to the fella: his crazy intensity works well in the roles he picks. The movie wasn't bad, but it certainly wasn't "The Usual Suspects" either--a decent thriller that's impact is diminished by the audience already knowing the ultimate outcome. Also, between this movie, "Apt Pupil," and "Superman Returns," Rickey's beginning to suspect that Bryan Singer has a bit of an unhealthy ubermench fixation...

[posted at Humor Blogs]

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15 comments:

Adam said...

Bagel + lox + cream cheese = perfection, my man. Now I'm jonesing for one!

Nooter said...

i am the walrus...

Haley said...

Dude, no! I got Adam to give up that phrase last weekend, and now you pick up the torch?? Why, Rickey, why??

Adam said...

Pick up the torch?

That's what she said!

Daniel said...

Rickey's last paragraph is why myself wants to see Rickey's list of Rickey's 2008 movie favorites - I promise to update my Netflix queue accordingly. Will Rickey please do so?

Haley said...

Sigh.

Adam said...

Ah yes, I'm becoming familiar with that refrain. Go look at your flowers, cutes.

Haley said...

That's what she...! Wait...

I don't think I know how to work that joke...

Prefers Her Fantasy Life said...

God, it's been too long since someone's said, "we got to flip it over and slide it in there."

Diesel said...

I once help my mother in law move a mattress, and her comments about "it feeling so slide that thing back where it belongs" still serve as a punchline in our house.

Adam said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Rickey Henderson said...

Damit, Rickey was clearly trying to inspire up a rousing discussion on the Middle East and you perverts go and ruin everything...

Darryl said...

>>>And with that needlessly glib remark, Rickey is sitting this debate out.

Please forgive us for pretending to honor Rickey's stated preference for "sitting this one out".

Rickey Henderson said...

Daniel: Rickey's got a few more movies to see before he can make an educated pick. Rickey still has yet to see Slumdog Millionaire, Gran Torino, or Milk, all of which Rickey has heard great things about. As of the moment, Rickey's top five picks go something like this:

1) The Dark Knight
2) The Dark Knight
3) The Dark Knight
4) The Dark Knight
5) Wall-E

Rickey will weigh in once he adds some Oscar flicks to the mix. Just a few so alleviate our readers' concerns that Rickey is a complete man-child.

steves said...

Damit, Rickey was clearly trying to inspire up a rousing discussion on the Middle East and you perverts go and ruin everything...

I didn't find anything particularly insightful about that article. Israel has a long history of reacting with overwhelming force. On the other side, you have a group that, in it's charter, has called for the elimination of all Jews in the entire world. If that isn't the recipe for a grade A clusterfuck, I don't what is.

About the only thing I see working is sending in a large multinational peacekeeping force that will prevent Israel from invading and disarming Hamas.