Tuesday, January 13, 2009

We Liked Him Better When He Was Just a Fruadulent Plumber

Here at RwR, we prefer our political commentary to be light and airy and our targets to be soft and doughy. And that's why Rickey, for one, is downright thrilled that unscrupulous news outlets such as CNN feel that the rantings of a completely unqualified boorish idiot qualify as news. Below follows an article involving Joe the Plumber's Pulitzer Prize winning report from Israel. Against our better judgement we're reprinting the article in it's entirety, as well as Rickey's snarky editorial notation, where applicable. Quoth the venerable CNN:

"'Joe the Plumber' Wurzelbacher told a group of journalists covering the conflict in Israel and Gaza that he didn’t think the media should be allowed to report on war."

Yay, one sentence in and we've already hit a paradox! So let Rickey get this straight. Joe doesn't want the media to report on the war and he decides the best way to show that is by going to Israel and reporting on the war? Ah, ok, got it. Check.

“I think media should be abolished from, you know, reporting,” Wurzelbacher said.

No, seriously Joe, aren't you a reporter, or at least a faint facsimile thereof? So wouldn't this mean abolishing yourself? This situation kind of reminds Rickey of how Superman would force Mr. Mxyzptlk back into the 5th dimension by tricking him into spelling his name backwards. Continuing on, the intrepid reporter declares:

“You know, war is hell. And if you’re gonna sit there and say, ‘well, look at this atrocity,’ well you don’t know the whole story behind it half the time, so I think the media should have no business in it.”

That dull thudding sound you're hearing? That's Edward R. Murrow's corpse banging it's head against the coffin wall.

"Wurzelbacher arrived in Israel on Sunday to start a 10-day assignment for pjtv.com, a Web site run by the conservative media outlet Pajamas Media."

One wonders, how credible can a conservative media outlet named "Pajamas Media" possibly be? And how do they have any money to send foreign correspondents anywhere after blowing most of their budget training Michele Malkin to speak without hissing like a viper?

"The plumber-turned-foreign correspondent said he wanted to cover Israel’s side of the conflict, because he thought the media was slanting the story to make it look like 'Israel’s being bad.' In his first day as a reporter, Wurzelbacher described the hardships of daily life in the southern Israeli town of Sderot: “I’m sure they’re taking quick showers, I know I would,” Wurzelbacher said. “So you can’t plan your day, you can’t take a picnic."

Rickey enjoys the occasional bath, just how safe is he from the looming threat of terrorism? And golly Joe, Rickey is saddened to hear that your picnic plans have been thwarted. Tell us, what would your picnic basket have consisted of? Some freedom fries? A Sarah Palin doll complete with the bible thumping kung fu grip? A few nasty letters from the IRS bugging you to pay your income taxes?

Wurzelbacher said he thought Israel should have attacked Gaza sooner. He told a group of reporters that he was a “peace-loving man,” but that "when someone hits me, I'm going to unload on the boy.”

YeeHAW! Let's see that pussy Cronkite make that sort of claim! Is Pajamas Media aware that they've dispatched Slim Pickins to the Middle East?

He got a first-hand taste of reality in Sderot, when his group heard sirens warning of a rocket attack. With cameras rolling, Wurzelbacher and his group ran into a shelter. “I’m in the bunker, I’m sitting there angry, outright furious, that I’m letting this terrorist dictate what I’m going to do because they’re firing missiles,” Wurzelbacher said.

Yeah Joe, good for you getting not merely furious but outright furious! How dare these terrorists attempt to dictate what you do! Why not just stand up and strut around dressed up like Captain America? That'll teach 'em! (Actually no, please don't do that--the last thing America needs is you as a martyr). Just be glad they're not chucking Barack Obama commemorative plates at you. Those things hurt! Joe continues to share his feelings with us:

“It was fear at first, then outright anger, and then me wanting some kind of retribution."

Ah yes, the basic emotions. Fear, check. Anger, check. So when does hunger kick in? You must've been famished from not taking your customary picnic!

"I’m not a person that runs from things, but when it’s a missile, you run.”

So that's where you're setting the bar? A missile? But everything leading up to that is kosher? Gunfire, tsunamis, a marauding cthulhu--these things you're cool with? Ugh, somebody wake Rickey when this schmuck's 15 minutes are up.

[posted at Humor Blogs]

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Bob said...

The scary thing is some people think this is intelligent commentary because he describes their own base, simpleton feelings, whereas other reports just report the actual story.

Matt H said...

Maybe he's just there to fix the hot water in Gaza. That's why they're only taking short showers.

David said...

Kudo's to Rickey for his analysis of this moron's blather.

Haley said...


Alex L said...

A marauding cthulhu, I think Joe could take them... we all know how could other plumbers are at fighting, there is Mario... um...

Alex L said...

good not could

Alex said...

At the same time, he has realized that traditional journalistic coverage of this conflict cannot be achieved without subjective opinion. Thus he purposefully injects his own personality and actions into the story. Ladies and gentlemen, your next Hunter Thompson!

The Common Man said...

Rickey's preaching to the choir on this one. What a boob.

Mike said...

Joe the Plumber?

Sam the Media Whore is more like it.

Ed in Westchester said...

Rickey, with all due respect, do you not realize that Joe is a national treasure?

that's a joke folks.

steves said...

Who the hell likes Joe the Plumber? I frequent some conservative forums and blogs and he is either viewed as an idiot or a lighweight (intellectually, speaking). Seriously, who is his base?