Thursday, April 3, 2008

Of Hamstrings & Marmosets

And after allowing four hits (two of which were home runs) Pedro Martinez left his first 2008 game with a hamstring injury Tuesday night. Evidently he heard a “pop” when delivering a pitch and is now expected to be on the DL for four to six weeks. Granted, Pedro wasn't much of a contributing factor last year either but this certainly can’t be very good at all, can it now? So, in a desperate search for a modicum of levity, Rickey has combed the internet in search of a few tidbits that will hopefully brighten his gloomy disposition and that of you dreary Mets fans. It’s a fun little column we like to call:

…But on the Bright Side!

A Federal Judge has ruled that beer makers are entitled to market their products to college students. Many thanks to the good folks at ATK for making this dream a reality!

A group of third-graders have been arrested in plot to kill their teacher. (Police seen confiscating silver hammer).

Rest easy Denver, for no longer shall hordes of marmosets run rampant in your city streets.

Today, Michelle Obama and Teresa Heinz Kerry are scheduled to appear together at campaign event in Pittsburgh, thereby creating a vortex of loose-cannon quotes that Fox News will undoubtedly feast upon for weeks.

New Jersey has decided to take a bold new initiative to help foster child literacy... by giving students audiobooks. Yeah, big shocker there…

Five years after inadvertently and permanently ruining Steve Bartman's life, Moises Alou admits what everybody already knew: "I wouldn't have caught it, anyway." So at least you Cubs fans finally have some closure on the matter, right?

Have no fear grammar Nazis; those goofy wankers at Scotland Yard have decided to create their own language police. So take heed, you snaggle toothed pudding gobbling UK citizens, for no longer shall your linguistic inequities go unnoticed.

And because we were all waiting with baited breath for him to break his silence on the issue, 50 Cent weighs in on the Democratic race to the White House.

According to a recent NY Times story, overweight kids have fewer cavities. Apparently this is just one of the many benefits that inhaling one's food has over the primitive and rather dated method of chewing it.

And finally, on the bright side (and this one actually is) Rickey suspects that it's a damn good omen when he's at an NYC bar in the midst of a snake draft with a few buddies to divvy up New York Mets season tickets when all of a sudden David Wright happens to hit a monster 430 foot home run deep into the Miami night. Even better? The Mets-friendly bar has a policy of handing out free beers whenever Wright hits a home run. So thanks very much for the free beer sugarpants--you can now consider Rickey officially out of his funk (albeit somewhat hungover).

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Mikey P said...

OK, I can work now. As 50 Cent votes, so goes the nation. We might as well declare this one right now... who exactly did he support?

The Marmosets of Denver are a dangerous band of rodents, you wouldnt know it, but they were the true reason the Mets got swept in Colorado last year... Hotel infestation to the nth degree. Marmosets and the thin air... lethal.

Smitty said...

The sad thing is that beer still has to be marketed to college kids. I remember when I was in college, the beer companies didn't need to market to us...we knew what it was and that we wanted it.

ATK will continue to work on that issue.

Apparently this is just one of the many benefits that inhaling one's food has over the primitive and rather dated method of chewing it.

Funniest thing I've read today.

George said...

Sugarpants loves bringing joy into all our lives. Especially the women.

Oh, don't forget you're supposed to be moving guys up in down for the Menschwarmers--why didn't you have Arroyo up for his start yesterday?

Chris C said...

Man I saw that highlight and that can't be good. You could almost hear the pop.

Toasty Joe said...

Pray tell, Rickey, which bar is this? Gonna have to check this one out-

Statler said...

The Nationals are going to run away with the NL East. You heard it here first.

Adam said...

Toasty, it's the Lansdowne Road bar on 44th and 10th Ave.

Rickey Henderson said...

Mikey P: Personally, Rickey is holding out for the P-Diddy endorsement.

Smitty: We do live in a sad world when beer needs to be promoted, don't we? What, is the Paul Oakenfold/Rohypnol lobby more powerful?

George: Yahoo fantasy baseball is blocked at work, and Rickey has been lax in updating his roster. Rickey will make an attempt to stay on the ball in the future, but bear in mind, you're talking to a lunatic who drafted Pedro Martinez over John Maine...

Chris: no, it isn't, but on the bright side, Rickey gets to see what this Nelson Figeruoa kid can do.

Statler: The Nats, huh? The thought of them and Lastings Milledge coming back to haunt the Mets gives Rickey night terrors.

Toasty: the best part about the Lansdowne Road bar is they HAVE to serve you whatever you ordered last if DW gets a homer. So lets say you ordered one of those 4 foot tall tubes full of beer (like the people sitting nearby did) yeah, you get another one on the house. Just be low key about it, you should've seen how pissed the bar staff there was when sugarpants hit that monster HR.

Toasty Joe said...

Nice! Toasty and friends are gonna have to definitely hit this place up, and soon. We watched most of last night's game at Back Page, home of the superior wing. Rickey should let me know the next time he's heading down.

Rickey Henderson said...

Will do Toasty--Rickey's always on the lookout for new drinking buddies.

Alex said...

get a room you too!

Erika said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Mike said...

44th and 10th Ave.

44th & 10th??? There's an airline that flies that far west?

Anyhow, how'd you find that place? Get lost going to the Hustler Club or some similar venue?

Toasty Joe said...

Mike don't poo-poo the far west side - where do you think Daisy Mae's BBQ is?

Alex L said...

Plotting murder hey, well kids do the darndest things dont they... wheres bill cosby when you need him.