Wednesday, March 12, 2008

In Which Fame Weighs Heavily Upon Rickey

Well, we suppose that this was bound to happen sooner or later. Sooner or later, some misbegotten madman would emerge from the woodwork and follow Rickey around like he was Phish or the Grateful Dead or possibly even REO Speedwagon. Rickey has received his fair share of random emails in recent days, consisting of belligerent messages from Vince Vaughn idolizers talking about “keeping up the intensity” and “crushing smokeshow sloots,” a flurry of messages concerning internet threats of a school shooting at his alma mater, and to cap it off, a torrent of fantasy baseball emails (which we’ll be discussing in depth tomorrow as Rickey analyzes his fledgling team, “The Menschwarmers”). But this email takes the cake as the most random one of the week. So heads up nonexistent RwR legal team, because Rickey received the following message yesterday evening:

"What up Mr. Henderson nice to see you have a web site I will be checking it out on a daily basis. You may not remember my name but we have met many of times in the past either down at the 24 hr fitness on Webster street or even at a raiders game. You went to Oakland tech with my cousins Reggie and tony green back in the day. You also played football against my older brother Roger Johnson he went to Oakland high, he played with Michael duckworth they were the running backs on that 75 team they dominated yaul.

Rickey when you have time give me a holla would like to know what you are doing these day's last I seen you were coaching 1st base for the met's what happen they got intimidated by you. That is how we do it in the town, man you should be working for the Oakland A's that dam faggot Billy beane still mad at you for making him ride pine in the early eighties. He was sorry anyway. Well man I would love to hear from you and if you will be in the area on June 21st of this year would love for you to drop by our baseball showcase and maybe speak to the kids for a few minutes. I am the area director for national scouting report we are the number 1 scouting service in the country, have been helping kids get college scholarships for over 25 years.

We will be having our 2nd showcase this year in Stockton at the A"S minor league complex. Bip Roberts, Brian guinn, and maybe Stacey pettis will be helping us out. It would be cool if you could come through and give the kids a little wisdom. Get back with me when you have time and we can maybe hook up for lunch and I could show you what our organization does for the kids, you may want to get involved in someway. Hope you our doing well and stay blessed future hall of famer."

Mr. Pota' Johnson
National Scouting Report
Area Director/Scout
925-724-0211 Office
510-381-1276 Cell

Oh boy are we glad that we set up that anonymous email address… Unfortunately, little does this fellow realize that our version of Rickey isn’t the Rickey he’s looking for. Our version of Rickey enjoys eating 99 cent tacos, watching Denise Austin aerobic videos from 1991 on ESPN Classic, and flipping through the Pennysaver. Actually, you know what? Nowadays, the real life Rickey Henderson may share similar interests (by all reports, the man is perilously close to appearing on “The Surreal Life” in the not too distant future). But that’s neither here nor there. We think we speak for Rickey when we say that if Rickey’s gonna be making any guest appearances, Rickey’s damn well gonna get paid for ‘em.

Stumble Upon Toolbar


leigh said...

bwahahaha! of course he was going to hit you up for something.

ok, next, where the eff did your blog go? you've like disappeared from HB.

last, i love your javascript header. i may have to *appropriate* your idea.

maybe i can help... said...

I love it... you should commiserate with blogger Eric D. Snider and his semi regular feature "Children's Letters to Raven Simone"... blogger gold

Rickey Henderson said...

Leigh: that whole Humor Blogs thing has pissed off Rickey lately--if not enough RwR readers click on the link then Rickey's page plummets off the site rankings and his posts no longer appear on the main page. Meanwhile, a HB site with huge traffic that isn't even remotely funny reigns supreme in the rankings over there. It's a fucked up system the values web hits over actual humor and unless they drastically revamp things, Rickey's pretty much done with it. We're giving serious thought to ranking the shittiest blogs over there if inspiration runs low...

As far as using the javascript header, go nuts. Rickey can email you the html if you'd like.

Tom: That's brilliant. Rickey absolutely needs to do something along those lines.

Smitty said...

Rickey can't hide from his fame forever, you know.

leigh said...

sweet! email away. it's

as for your other comments, i think i know who/what your talking about. quite a clusterf*ck of self-importance. one of bee's friends did a parody that you have to see:

i almost wet my pants.

also, i think johnny v's astronomical score is a backlash.

i'm clicking for you!!!!!!!

Alex L said...

Show up to that. Go on you know you want to.

upstate met fan said...

you've done it again, rickey. nice!

Deb said...

Oh, how I miss the Pennysaver!!

Toasty Joe said...

I have two things to say:

(1) You mean you're NOT Rickey Henderson the baseball player? Oh boy, do I have egg on my face.

(2) It's comforting to know that someone who says things like "that dam faggot Billy beane" is making great strides with children.

jeremy said...

don't kill the fantasy, man.