Monday, March 31, 2008

Your Monday Morning Kickoff Post: In Which Rickey Phishes For Inspiration

Other than occasionally wiring money to aide individuals identifying themselves as the orphaned airs of cocoa barons in the Ivory Coast, Rickey typically pays very little attention to the assortment of spam emails that he receives. Nonetheless, when one as curious as the one we’re about to divulge pops up in Rickey’s inbox, strict attention is required of Rickey. So behold, the most quizzical email Rickey has ever received:

"Hohe hoholulu,

Little warbitten city of patras and from patras genuinely thought he had done so. That's what ... I was glad when you went abroad to germany pays for it with a bloody coxcomb. But here is however, acquiesced sullenly when his friend told room she just folded up on the floor. She said all his attention. Miss grosvenor was to mr. Fortescue the pierhead,where (if fate was against them) than in words. Before trusting a man, before putting alive, hiding in the country, and have brought else could i threaten? I couldn't shoot, i couldn't ways a grim time here so much sadness in the stories as he saw lance. Hallo, he said. You here? You not forgotten the past,' and, with a significant little,' said the inspector,with a grin. 'he's."

Make no mistake; while it may seem like authentic jibber jabber, this is nothing short of a modern day equivalent of "Finnegan’s Wake." Narrative density and hidden meanings abound within these seemingly undecipherable sentences. Does your run of the mill spammer use phrases such as “warbitten city of patras” or “acquiesced sullenly”? Rickey thinks not—there’s some genuine poetry at work here folks. Most quizzical of all, there’s no mention of what services are now expected of Rickey. Are we to believe that Rickey must somehow aid this seemingly downtrodden individual by traveling to Patras and challenging the will of this nefarious inspector? Precisely what is going on at the pier head? And how does the coxcomb come into play? The author makes ominous mention of "fate being against them," and for all Rickey knows, lives could very well be on the line as we speak, if only Rickey was able to decode the meaning buried deep within these nonsensical passages…

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8 comments:

Smitty said...

I am dismayed and sad that my spam filter is so strong, so foolproof, that I no longer get these literary gems; these loquacious and allegorical missives. I weep to think of the thousands of people screaming for my assistance who will meet certain fates simply because my unthinking, unfeeling spam filter blocks all of their pleas.

Ed the Gent said...

It's like a drunk pirate performing slam poetry at an open mic.

Haley said...

I have a friend who creates haiku from spam like this...they're pretty damn brilliant.

I've been looking for cat names... perhaps Miss Grovsnor and Mr. Fortescue?

Rickey Henderson said...

Going full steam ahead with the feline acqusition are we? Just don't name the cat Busbequis after an obcscure polish poet like Rickey's pop did. Think about naming it Yoko Ono to ensure that Adam is even more pissed off at this development. Or maybe go with Chairman Meow, Foxy Cleopatra, or possibly even Henderson.

Alex L said...

Just send money quick, no one wants to face a coxcomb...

the frogster said...

Was that from Agirltwill? He/She has left some wonderful prose on my blog too.

Rickey Henderson said...

Nope Froggy, it was from someone identifying themselves as "Favaro Conorich" (exhaustible@w-giken.jp).

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