Monday, November 17, 2008

Your Weekly Nerdery

A disclaimer: Rickey is not a huge Star Trek guy. Call Rickey nuts, but repeatedly hearing the phrase “shields down to 59 percent!” just doesn’t float his boat. In fact, most of Rickey’s Trek knowledge originates from repeatedly watching “Galaxy Quest,” a film which is virtually guaranteed to be playing on your cable lineup no matter what time it is or where you live. If you were to put a phaser to his head, Rickey couldn’t tell you the difference between a tribble and a Talarian. Being a sage blogger, Rickey generally avoids talking about Star Trek here at RwR for fear of saying something canonically inaccurate and riling up the cultish sect of hardcore Trekkies that we suspect are lurking in the comments section. Perhaps it’s because Rickey can’t get overly excited about tired old properties. Perhaps it’s because the Trek universe is strangely devoid of Jews (in addition to cancer, apparently Jewishness will be cured by the 23rd century). Whatever the reason for Rickey’s mild Trek distain may be, we’d also be willing to wager that the mainstream public just doesn’t get Star Trek (or want to, for that matter).


But from what Rickey can remember from a handful of The Next Generation episodes, Star Trek is at its best when it functions as a compelling space naval drama rather than a mindless shoot ‘em up (see Battlestar Galactica for an example of how to do things). And that’s why the whiz bang trailer released online today doesn’t exactly do it for Rickey. Horatio Hornblower in space this most definitely is not. Take a gander.

In Rickey’s humble geek opinion, they’re swinging the pendulum the other way and are reaching too far for mass appeal. If Rickey wants to see a Paramount movie featuring overwrought fight scenes and goofy looking aliens, he’ll check out the latest Indiana Jones travesty, thank you very much. And like we said, Rickey’s not even a Star Trek enthusiast—we’re guessing that most of the die hard fans will interpret this trailer as an open declaration of war. Rickey’s advice to the studios: you want to make a Star Trek movie? Then make an honest to goodness Star Trek movie (but don’t blame Rickey when it grosses $12 million domestic on its opening weekend). This rehash exemplifies horrible concepts, violates the artistic integrity of the property, and represents a cheap attempt to cash in on a beloved geek property... and Rickey will certainly not be in line at the first showing at the City Center 15 Cinemas in White Plains, New York. No sir. Ahem. (Ms. Henderson is a Karl Urban fan, so Rickey will most likely be required to see this. That’s Rickey’s excuse and he’s sticking to it).

[posted at Humor Blogs]

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20 comments:

Prefers Her Fantasy Life said...

I think all the Jews are in Woody Allen's movies.

Ron Mexico said...

I am not at all a Star Trek fan but the Trailer looks like the movie could be ok.

Also give me some specifics on the fruit smoothies recipe from several posts ago please.

Rickey Henderson said...

Specifics? Well, start off with a blender. To the blender toss in soy milk, a spoonful of greek yogurt, one banana, some frozen berries, and whey powder. Hit liquefy. Presto, an awesome smoothie.

Alex L said...

I cant say I really liked Battlestar Galactica, I want to see the rest of it I've seen up to the end of the second series. But it never hooked me. Star Trek I'll probably enjoy it, but theres few things that are better than Stargate.

Bob said...

I am a Star Trek fan, but only from the Next Generation forward.

This could bring me back to the James Kirk series, if done well.

Now it's time to start the greatest battle among all nerds:

Who was the greatest starship captain of all time?

I vote for Jean-Luc Picard.

Chris C said...

There better be a running joke in the film where Spock makes fun of Kirk because he's still paying off the car he stole and crashed as a kid.

Rickey Henderson said...

Who was the greatest starship captain of all time?

Curse you and your nerd baiting, Bob. The answer of course, is Zaphod Beeblebrox from "Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy." Do not attempt to debate Rickey on this!

Chris: Funny thing is, in the original Shatner series, Kirk doesn't know how to drive a stick shift car. Also, there aren't any ravines like that in Iowa. Whoops. And the Enterprise was not built on Earth goddamnit! Rickey declares this Star Trek remake to be an unmitigated disaster of epic proportions!

Bob said...

Also, there aren't any ravines like that in Iowa.,

Maybe he wasn't on earth. Plus, the ravine looked like a quarry.

And the Enterprise was not built on Earth goddamnit!

Stupid humans, continue to import everything in the future. What Lockheed or Boeing couldn't build the damn thing?

Smitty said...

And the Enterprise was not built on Earth goddamnit!

More outsourcing of labor, I see.

Who was the greatest starship captain of all time?

Han Solo. Jean Luc had a conscious, and Beeblebrox was funny, but not great. I mean, Solo did make the Kessel Run in less than twelve parsecs, after all. And I bet not every starship captain could do that.

Haley said...

Zaphod versus Han?

Talk about a Sophie's Choice conundrum. I throw my hands up!

Adam said...

As a legit Star Trek fan (Haley, I hear your vagina collapsing like a quantum singularity!) I can say that I am NOT enthused by this trailer.

THis doesn't mean the movie will suck, it means only tha the trailer is MTV-cut, shaky-cam nonsense. It's 2 minutes of flash. I am still 99% in the dark on this movie. Maybe another trailer will explain more.

But my hopes are low on this being good. And I LOVE the Original cast.

Bob said...

Funny thing is, in the original Shatner series, Kirk doesn't know how to drive a stick shift car.

For a man who claims to not be a big Star Trek fan, you sure know the intimate details. Anyone who calls out series continuity errors have got to be addicts.

Rickey Henderson said...

Rickey overheard it in a bar! Rickey swears!

Haley said...

So that's what that was.

Jeff said...

My question is... if they're going to do a prequel containing a star ship we've all seen from the 60s, are they going to show the instrument panel as a bunch of blinking squares and buttons?

Rickey Henderson said...

No, primarily because it's not a prequel, just a re-imagining, or reboot, or whatever Hollywood is calling it these days...

Jeff said...

What? Is that legal?

Rickey Henderson said...

Sure, it's called creative license. They've got the rights to the property, they can do whatever they want with it. You think that all these other recent reboots (Batman, Bond, Transformers, etc.) don't deviate from the source material a bit?

Bob said...

Since Califonians so hate the automobiles made in my neck of the woods, I have decided that I will be boycotting all things California.

I will only be watching Bollywood movies and will not be eating any California produce.

Blake said...

> Also, there aren't any
> ravines like that in Iowa.

Whatever that hole was, it was obviously man-made so...

> And the Enterprise was not
> built on Earth goddamnit!

Actually, it was. Reaching back into the geekdom of my childhood, I distinctly recall the dedication plaque on the bridge saying "San Francisco". If the ship was built in orbit, it would be odd for it to say "San Francisco" and not merely "Earth".

And now I'll go kill myself for even knowing that much about Star Trek.