Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Happy Thanksgiving From Rickey

We thought you should be aware that tonight is Thanksgiving Eve. And tomorrow by default is Thanksgiving proper. Rickey, for one, absolutely loves the Wednesday night before Thanksgiving, mostly because it is widely considered by bon vivants like Rickey to be the biggest drinking night of the year. This of course makes sense; everyone is off of work the next day and their only obligation (unless they’re cooking) is to lie around and overeat, something that is entirely not a problem for Rickey. So tonight we get our drink drank on. Tomorrow, a cornucopia of food shall be prepared, sound dietary practices shall be ignored, the gym shall be shunned, and the fifteen pounds of excess fat that Rickey replaced with lean muscle shall make a brief holiday return.

How does Thanksgiving at Rickey’s parents’ house work? Surprisingly, much like yours. Typically, Rickey’s brother will fly up from Florida, Rickey will drive him up north to their parents’ house, and they will be quickly greeted by their father who storms out of the garage like Patton and presents them with a list of home improvement projects have been waiting for the Henderson boys to return home and complete.

“Alright, here’s the situation: the chainsaw won’t start, the tv needs to be fixed, the attic needs to be cleaned, the foundation on the southeast corner of the house is sinking, and a raccoon stole my pants.”

Uh, yeah Dad, good to see you too, Happy Thanksgiving. Naturally, Rickey’s mind is now sounding with klaxons screaming “Warning! Manual labor is imminent! Manual labor is imminent! Avoid at all costs!” and Rickey will make a hasty retreat inside the house, pour himself a libation, and sit by the fireplace and relax while watching his brother outside chopping wood, schlepping rocks, or resetting the foundation on the southeast corner of the house. (This is probably a big reason why Rickey’s younger brother is celebrating Thanksgiving in Florida this year).

And while relaxing by the fire and thoroughly enjoying a day which places absolutely no expectations on the individual other than gorging themselves silly and watching football, Rickey likes to mull over some of the things for which he is thankful. This year is no exception. In no particular order, these items are:

-Pointed sarcasm
-Not being stuck in an airport
-Thom Yorke
-Broadband internet
-The New Yorker
-Kosher dill pickles
-Johan Santana
-The pill
-Stainless steel coffee mugs
-Maker’s Mark
-The “let them soak” trick of avoiding washing pots & pans after Thanksgiving
-DVR
-Not having to sell pencils or move into a Hooverville
-Coworkers who don’t click “reply all”
-The sound rain makes at night
-Dress socks
-President-Elect Barack Hussein Obama
-“This American Life”
-Bookcases
-Fairway
-Halo 3
-Knowing which way is North
-Friends, family, loved ones, blah blah blah…
-Dogfish Head Beer
-Apple products
-The Colbert Report
-Calvin Klein aftershave face balm
-Large dogs
-The bacon of the month club
-Adriana Lima
-Modern Democracy
-Rickey’s job (seriously)
-Not having Adam Sandler’s “Thanksgiving Song” stuck in his head
-Lucky Brand Jeans
-Photosynthesis
-BitTorrent
-Hummus
-Dave Eggers
-Rickey’s readers

That’s right, Rickey is thankful for you, Rickey’s dear sweet gentile readers. For showing up, saying hello, and giving Rickey a forum to rant in. Rickey appreciates it. And because he does, Rickey is tagging all you folks for this meme. So sit down and blog about a list of things you’re thankful for. You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, and maybe, just maybe, you’ll learn a little bit about yourself. Have a safe and happy holiday everyone.

[posted at Humor Blogs]

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15 comments:

maybe i can help... said...

aw shucks...

Have a great day! I'm packing up the MICH mobile and heading up to Vermont for some turkey day awesomeness.

By the way, your list of things to be thankful for confirms my belief that we are separated at birth. I mean, bourbon and bacon... come on!

Jeff said...

As well, Rickey's readers are thankful for Rickey and his witty contribution to their blog-reading needs. Jeff wishes Rickey a very happy and filling Thanksgiving (with little to no manual labor)!

David said...

Yip-aroo Rickey - thanks for your humor and wit.

Also, thanks for turning me into a gentile. Can you also undo the bris?

Cheers

George said...

Well, I'm damn glad the meme isn't help Rickey's dad get his pants back from the raccoon. They can be very mean, especially when wearing hot pants (get it?).

Thanks for your thanks and for being you, the one and only Rickey Henderson.

Now we've got to get to work on a national Bacon & Bourbon Holiday. Should be big with B&Bs.

Smitty said...

Not having Adam Sandler’s “Thanksgiving Song” stuck in his head

God DAMN it, Rickey...I have been free from that song for so long.

Thanks, among the many gifts you give me and the other drunks at ATK, for your contributions to higher beer culture. Be safe, be back in a few days.

Mike said...

Dogfish Head Beer

A-fuckin-men.

Happy Thanksgiving, Rickey. Enjoy.

Doug at Taunt Vortex said...

Extra points for using the word "klaxons". Whenever I use it in public, everyone thinks I'm talking about Star Trek.

I too, am thankful for Adriana Lima. I wonder if she's feeling doubly thanked? And not to get all sentimental, but I'm thankful for the many laughs Rickey's damned fined blog has brought me.

Thanks.

Siren said...

Have fun getting your drink, drank, drunk on.

Happy Thanksgiving!!!

Rickey Henderson said...

MICH: Enjoy VT--it's a gorgeous place to spend Thanksgiving. Bring back maple syrup.

Jeff: have no fear, Rickey shall rise to the occasion and be his very best sloth-like self.

David: Hold the phone, Rickey makes mention of Kosher Dill pickles, Fairway, and the New Yorker and somehow you're now a gentile? How does that work?

George: no, we'll leave that particular meme for another day. It will be a great family therapy session...

Smitty: Heh, Rickey's apologies. Turkey for me... turkey for you...

Mike: there's a great article in the recent New Yawker on Dogfish Head if you're interested.

Doug: Everyone has their own idea of what klaxons should sound like. For you, it's Trek. For Rickey, its the scene in Ghostbusters when the EPA guy shuts down the containment grid. Now THOSE are klaxons!

Siren: oh believe Rickey when he says that he will. And on that note, TTFN kids.

David said...

>>>"Rickey is thankful for you, Rickey’s dear sweet gentile readers."

From your lips to God's ears.

This would be how, in spite of or perhaps in co-operation with Kosher Dill pickles.

Cheers

Alex L said...

I hope Rickeys dad gets his pants back! And I hope Rickey enjoys his day of drunken laziness and thanksgivingness!

leigh said...

happy turkey day rickey!i've been listening to my mom talk about her geneology research and apparently,there are some hendersons hanging around in our family tree. could it be were related?

Mark said...

Dress socks? WTF?

I hope you have a restful day, free of rock hauling, and replete with repletion.

Diesel said...

Happy belated Thanksgiving, you bastard!

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