Wednesday, November 12, 2008

He's Not a Right Winger He's Just GOP-Curious, AKA, The Joe Lieberman Situation

The following is an excerpt from the book “State Names, Flags, Seals, Songs, Birds, Flowers, and Other Symbols” by George Earlie Shankle:


"The sobriquet, the Nutmeg State, is applied to Connecticut because its early inhabitants had the reputation of being so ingenious and shrewd that they were able to make and sell wooden nutmegs. Some claim that wooden nutmegs were actually sold, but they do not give either the time or the place.”

And we bring this piece of trivia up for absolutely no other reason other than to highlight the curious stupidity of a loathsome state that repeatedly elects Joe Lieberman to serve as it’s Senator. Well done you nutjob nutmeggers. As a state, you collectively rose up, said to yourselves, “hey, some of my best friends are Jewish!” and proceeded to send Joe Lieberman to Washington …four goddamned times. Apparently Joe Lieberman has some sort of bet going to determine how stupid you voters in Connecticut really are and true to your state’s history, you have sold the nation a useless wooden nutmeg. So now that the winds of charge are blowing a bit more briskly, let’s chat about a few things that might be giving a few of you folks a touch of buyer's remorse, shall we?

First up is his voting record. According to Senator Harry Reid, "Sen. Lieberman votes with Democrats 85 or 90 percent of the time, except when it comes to Iraq and some national security issues." Indeed, just a few minor quibbles here and there. Stuff like war and peace. No biggie. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, eh Harry? Nothing wrong with a guy who over the past four years has emerged as a heroic figure among Republicans for having risked his Senate seat to support President George W. Bush's war policy, no sir. We’re not sure about you Mr. Reid, but Rickey has grown just a tad weary of listening to recent Bush speeches touting that he was acting on “the good advice of Senator Joe Lieberman.”

Then there’s the Israel issue. Sorry Joe, but you can’t hop in bed with the AICPAC lobby and not expect the right wing media to completely fall in love with you. They’ll go apeshit for anyone that provides them with the opportunity to wave a flag and lob a few patriot missiles somewhere foreign sounding (if the Rainbow Coalition or LGBTA wanted to invade Moldavia, you’d better believe Sean Hannity would happily take ‘em under his wing). And so thanks in no small part to the efforts of Joe Lieberman, phrases like “a friend of Israel” or “Israel’s right to defend herself” have become wink wink nudge nudge statements to pander to the neocon constituency, a development for which Rickey cares not.

And furthermore, Rickey, despite being a wayward Jew, cares not for the generalization that the beliefs of all Jews are encapsulated by Joe Lieberman. Closed door meetings anointing Joe Lieberman to be our golem avenger were not held, primarily because there are quite a wide ranging variety of Jews roaming the planet. There are socially progressive Jews, economically progressive Jews, socially conservative Jews, economically conservative Jews, Peacenik Jews, Security Hawk Jews, "Whomever is Best for the Jews" Jews, Stubborn Jews, Flexible Jews, Bossy Jews, Whiny Jews, and many combinations thereof, the degrees of which may vary on any given day. As the old adage goes: "put three Jews in a room, and you'll get eight different opinions." And Rickey would wager that if here were to take a poll, he’s find that Joe Lieberman is about as popular with Jews as Mel Gibson or smoked bacon. And just because we didn’t use the word frequently enough in this paragraph: “Jews!”

See, most people of the Jewish faith read the Torah and are inspired to do good and charitable things. A smaller group of people read the Torah and are inspired to invade countries, threaten to invade other countries, and all around just love going to war and blowing shit up. Joe Lieberman is one of the latter. And yet, Joe Lieberman also thinks it’s kosher to pal around with a guy like John Hagee, a level minded fellow who in the wake of Katrina stated “I believe that New Orleans had a level of sin that was offensive to God, and they were recipients of the judgment of God for that.” Joe Lieberman supports the Alberto Gonzales policy on the shirking of the Geneva Convention provisions. Joe Lieberman wants to prevent people from being able to play violent videogames. (Yes, some of you might agree with him on that last point, but goddamnit if squeezing the right trigger on his Xbox 360 controller and causing the heads of Locust Horde members to vaporize into riotous explosions of brain matter in Gears of War 2 is wrong, then sweet fancy moses, Rickey doesn’t want to be right. If an NRA existed for gamers, Rickey would totally be a card carrying member).
Ultimately, Joe Lieberman is a man who when asked if he received ''talking points'' from the McCain campaign or the Republican National Committee, replied: ''I usually don't.'' What, like not on the Sabbath? Do you not answer Karl Rove’s phone calls on Shomer Shavis, Senator? Well we certainly hope you had a blast with Mr. McCain and Lindsey Graham on the 2008 campaign trail, because the road trip is now officially over.

Many bloggers have chimed in recently on just what to do about Joe Lieberman. Mr. Furious channeled his inner Michael Corleone and proposed that Lieberman be taken on a fishing trip, an idea that dovetails nicely with the now infamous “kiss of death” that Bush gave Lieberman after the 2005 State of the Union Address. (All Neo-Hawks are closet queens, we tells ya). And fellow blogger Statler got appropriately pissed and wrote up this gem on Whiny Joe. But what does Rickey suggest be done? Stripping him of his chairmanship of the Senate Homeland Security Committee is a decent start. But how about banishing him to wander the desert for 40 years? We hear that the desert life in the Southwest, possibly Arizona, is a character building environment. The idea just might gain a little, shall we say …Joementum.

[Posted at Humor Blogs]

Stumble Upon Toolbar

12 comments:

Smitty said...

The cool thing is now the Dems don't need him. If they had 59, and he was 60, they'd need the shit out of him. But now that they fell a tad short, they actually have no use for him since he can't (and won't) bust a filibuster.

He is...nominal. One face among 99 others.

Rickey Henderson said...

What if Jim Martin wins the Georgia runoff while the recounts in Alaska and Minnesota go to the Democrats? Wouldn't that make Lieberman the filibuster-busting vote?

Statler said...

Is it just me or does Lindsay Graham look like he's thinking of propositioning Joe "Loverman" Lieberman in that photo?

"Mmm, wonder which way he'd bend after a mojito or two..."

Also, thanks for the link. The Balcony's largely imaginary readership needs all the blog-love it can get.

Mike said...

Rickey would wager that if here were to take a poll, he’s find that Joe Lieberman is about as popular with Jews as Mel Gibson or smoked bacon.

Hey now! Don't be dissing bacon.

Rickey Henderson said...

Oh, Rickey wouldn't dare. Rickey, being a horrendous Jew, loves him some bacon. Have no fear, Rickey dines on swine.

George said...

Maybe we could trade Lieberman for Hagel?

And it looks like Begich is going to pull it out in Alaska, so the Dems are getting closer.

Doug at Taunt Vortex said...

I'm sorry. It was just very difficult for me to read this - my mind kept drifting off, as I kept wondering what it would be like to f*ck Sarah Silverman.

Smitty said...

Rickey:

I added your blog post to my post of Lieberman's posts.

Deb said...

And you know what the worst thing is about all this?

I hate the sight of Joe Lieberman ALMOST as much as I loathe the sight of Sarah Palin. Yep, that's how much I have grown to detest the Bad Senator.

And the image of B.S. on the dais with John McCain underneath the McCain/Palin banner is "really [in the words of the J. Geils Band] much too much."

My blood runs cold,
My memory has just been sold....

lol

Mr Furious said...

"Sen. Lieberman votes with Democrats 85 or 90 percent of the time..."

Yeah? So give him a Chairmanship of a Committee that that falls into that 90%.

Obviously JoeLie rose to chair that Committee due to seniority. The Homeland Security half of that Committee's jurisdiction might even make sense and be fine, as he was an early proponent of the dept. and worked hard in its initial stages (as if that's a positive, but work with me here)... But it's his work on the Governmental Oversight part of that Committee I have a problem with. Let's just grab a few examples off the top of my head:

• He comfirmed "Heckuva job, Brownie."

• Post Katrina, he promised to investigate what went wrong—still seeking his reelection at the time. Once that was over with, he shelved all inquiries.

• He has not issued one single subpoena or started any investigations of the Bush/Cheney Administration for anything, even though the task of his Committee is Executive Oversight.

• You fucking know he is eager to go all Ken Starr on Obama's ass and suddenly discover the drawer with the blank subpoenas...

• At best, he will use that as a hedge against the party for the rest of his term.

None of those are petty political revenge reasons, they are legitimate interest-of-the-party and country reasons. He did a crapy job as Chairman and deserved to be removed. Period.

Mr Furious said...

I should also mention Lieberman proofread that comment and let all the typos through.

Bob said...

Rickey would wager that if here were to take a poll, he’s find that Joe Lieberman is about as popular with Jews as Mel Gibson or smoked bacon.

I do remember a poll that said that Lieberman's approval rate among Jews was in the 30%ish range, while at the time, Obama's was way over 60%. Whenever Joe campaigned for McCain, it probably threw votes to Obama.

Now that's Joementum.