Friday, September 28, 2007

Ladies and Gentlemen, Your Weekly Mets Update!

Great news everyone! Rickey just received an email from the Mets (entitled: "Flushing Flash!") concerning an exciting postseason ticket opportunity. While Rickey wasn’t selected to bid on tickets for the National League Championship Series at Shea Stadium, Rickey’s name will still be automatically entered in the drawing for potential World Series games at Shea! So, uh, we’ve got that going for us.

And now it is officially safe to say it: Rickey picked the wrong week to stop smoking. By discovering new and creative ways to lose games, the Mets have not been kind to anyone’s nerves. To make matters worse, Rickey is fairly certain that he cursed. Let’s look at the facts behind the two recent baseball games Rickey has attended. The September 15th Mets game Rickey attended was the start of the Mets current downward spiral. And the one Yanks game Rickey begrudgingly attended this year marked the beginning of the Yankee playoff push. We’re not the superstitious types, but this is some legitimately freaky stuff.

Why is all this happening you may ask? Pardon us while we take a leap into the realm of wild speculation. You see, there’s a strong possibility that this is all due to Rickey’s beard. For those not in the know, a “playoff beard” is a form of facial hair that is generally grown by sports fans once their team’s postseason commences (in this case, the baseball playoffs). Rickey, in an act of wild hubris decided to grow his beard in August—a whopping two months before the start of the postseason. And while Rickey’s beard was never really intended to be a playoff beard, obviously the baseball gods chose to ignore that detail and punish Rickey’s team accordingly.

So go ahead, blame all this on Rickey’s beard and the whims of the baseball gods. Because really, it’s a hell of a lot less aggravating/depressing than analyzing the clusterfuck beguiling liability that is the 2007 Mets bullpen. Or wondering which member of the coaching staff might take the fall for this debacle (we suggest you look no further than Rick Peterson). Rickey will be procuring a large bottle of Jack Daniels in preparation for tonight's game against the Marlins. In fact, Rickey has no plans to be sober this entire weekend, as well as Monday, should a one game playoff in Philadelphia occur. In the meantime, all you suffering Mets fans really need to read this. Now. It's simultaneously brilliant and cathartic, and the best Mets article Rickey has read online all year. Well done Toasty.

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6 comments:

mr. met said...

There is a whole lotta blame to go around, but do not mistake Peterson as the fall guy.

If anyone takes the fall, it's Willie.

Peterson has nothing to work with and I doubt he can make the call to use Humber or Pelfrey in the bullpen. It was Willie they kept running uselessness out there for grand displays of futility.

He has single handedly cost the Mets 1 to 3 games this year which I would assume a bad manager costs a team over the course of a season. They'll win some for the team with good calls, but ultimately, bad managers lose more than they win and that could have a profound effect on the team.

Manager's should add or be neutral. Baseball seasons are hard enough without having to worry about what you manager does. Willie has been in professional baseball for what? 30 years? He should know better. Stick him in the AL where he can manager better and get some someone who knows their Xs and Os.

Rickey Henderson said...

Hey, ditching Willie would be terrific for the Mets--it opens up the possibility of Joe Girardi coaching em in 2008. But I seriosuly doubt Wilpon has the balls to fire Willie.

mr. met said...

Well, I'm not sure they don't have the balls. In fact, I know I'm not dumb. With all the stuff that us as causal fans see, I have to believe the front office sees it x 10. Now, he just got a little extension, but it is just about how much Howe was getting in his last year alone. They could eat it for sure and I always thought they were a bit to overzealous in giving him an extension after one (1!) playoff trip.

But I digress....this Met team does not appear to be all that different than 2001 through 2004 afterall.

upstate met fan said...

Nice picture. Get rid of Heilman, Get Rid of Delgado. Willie must go. Girardi in. Minaya must make the bullpen # 1 priority.

Rotation Next year:

Maine
Pedro
Ollie
Pelfrey
Humber (don't wait on this guy, make the move now)

Rickey Henderson said...

Don't be too shocked if Santana or Willis are starting for the Mets next season. More than anything else, the Mets need pitchers who can pitch 7 innings. That's why the bullpen suffered.

upstate met fan said...

Okay..

Whatever the move is, it has to be big. I have a feeling the Wilpons will be willing to pay. I'll take Willis anyday. He's always killing us.