Disclaimer: Rickey pilfered the witty title for this post from a conversation from Adam, who in turn had pilfered the idea from a Sean Connery line in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, so we really don’t feel too bad about the whole pilfering thing. No royalties are coming Adam—don’t bother asking.
So of course Rickey’s return to Yankee Stadium would occur during arguably the most important game of the Yanks’ season. A game that left the Yankees three games up in the AL wildcard race and firmly in control of their destiny. Would it have been too much to ask for the Mariners to put up somewhat of a fight? Talk about rolling over and dying…
Papa Henderson wisely decided against sporting a Mariner’s cap to the game, while Rickey, in further hopes of avoiding heckling, wore one of Ms. Henderson’s ambulatory school t-shirts. Because really, who would be spiteful enough to heckle a guy wearing an ambulance corps t-shirt? Well we’ll tell you: Yankee fans, that’s who. Every slight smile or subdued fist pump Rickey expressed at the Mariner’s early lead was met with murmurs of “asshoooole” from the Bronx faithful sitting behind him. And these folks were definitely the cream of the crop as far as obnoxious Yankee fans go. We'd post a few of their quotes and chants, but they were too crass, bigoted, and offensive, even by Rickey's standards.
When they weren’t loudly bragging to each other about ridiculous sexual conquests at mediocre schools for troglodytes such as Lehigh or Bucknell, they were discussing which famous Yankee they’d most like to be. The consensus seemed to be Mickey Mantle, primarily for his philandering and alcohol consumption. Brilliant idea fuckos—idolize a guy whose reckless years of hard drinking destroyed his baseball career, his psyche, his family life, and ultimately necessitated him carrying around a spare liver in a fanny pack at all times. In all fairness, however, the other Yanks fans in the bleacher area weren’t as bad as these misanthropes.
From what Rickey gathered, a game at Yankees stadium is a decidedly somber affair, punctuated by bombastic patriotic music and excruciatingly loud heavy metal songs. And once the Yankees get rolling, literally all hell breaks loose. We’d like to briefly pause and thank the Yankee Stadium management for not allowing beer in the left field bleacher section. Not that Shea Stadium doesn’t attract a fair share of boorish fans (it does) but generally, they’re not as misogynistic and bigoted as the Yanks fans sitting behind Rickey last night. And yes, a game at Shea is loud too, but in a lively and festive sort of way. A game in the Bronx feels more like a funeral dirge that at any given moment could break out into a scene from "Triumph of the Will."
Well what about the game itself you’re probably asking? Well, Rickey spent most of the game keeping his head down and eating a large bag of peanuts (shelling peanuts distracted Rickey from the fact that Yankee Stadium doesn’t have a designated smoking area). But Rickey did witness Joba Chamberlain giving a lights out performance: hurling 100 mph fastballs and 90 mph sliders. On the Mariners side, Jarrod Washburn pitched a solid 6 innings until giving up a home run to A-Rod to tie the game at 2-2.
Then things went south. George Sherrill trotted out of the Mariners bullpen and promptly proceeded to walk the bases loaded. And then some jackass named Sean Green walked Jorge Posada to force in the go-ahead run. Seeing the writing on the wall, Rickey and Papa Henderson collected their belongings and left. Sorry, sitting amidst that crowd for an 8 run inning just wasn’t Rickey’s cup of tea. And Papa Henderson can now say that he has seen a baseball game at Yankee Stadium.
Anyhow, below are a few additional pictures Rickey snapped of the game. Pay close attention to the images of Jarrod Washburn warming up: if you look carefully, you can see the members of the Mariners bullpen comparing notes on how to totally ruin a fine outing by a starting pitcher. Rickey is off tomorrow for a trip down to Virginia to attend a wedding in which the groom has pledged to throw Rickey off a boat amidst the festivities. Fantastic. Enjoy the weekend folks.
Hm, this Washburn fellow seems promising, however missing a leg might hurt his pitching stance just a tad.
The Mariner's coach arguing a call while Ichiro trots back to the dugout--possibly to write a letter to his cat.
Night falls upon the Reichstag