Monday, October 1, 2007

Shit! Glavine, You Fuck... You Fucked It Up! You Fucked It Up!

And if just one of you bastards responds with the “nothing is fucked here dude” in the comments section, Rickey will seriously lose his tenuous calm. There’s plenty of time in the coming months ahead for blame assignment and hot stove talk, but right now, Rickey would like to share his visceral reaction with you folks. Obviously Glavine isn’t the sole culprit, merely one of a cast of many goats from yesterday’s game. (We do seem to remember him pitching an awful lot better when his 300th win was within grasp, but that’s neither here nor there).

It takes a concentrated group effort to blow a seven game lead in over a period of seventeen games, thereby setting the all-time record for biggest regular reason collapse by a major league baseball team. So, uh, go team. Your marvelous pooch screwing abilities have secured you a place in the annals of baseball. The excruciatingly painful downward spiral that characterized Mets baseball in the month of September was nothing short of a kick to the groin for Rickey. This hurts a hell of a lot. Rickey’s not even sure if his father is still alive right now. Yes, Rickey will still be toting his trusty Metropolitans mug, but only to support the emblem itself rather than the bums who had the chutzpah to call themselves Mets this season. Who in their right mind could have predicted that the Giants would be Rickey’s ray of light in October? Who?

In the meantime, Rickey has found a song to replace "Sweet Caroline" at Shea Stadium: "Always look on the Bright Side of Life." Sing along with Rickey folks:

Some things in life are bad
They can really make you mad
Other things just make you swear and curse.
When you’re chewing on life’s gristle
Don’t grumble, give a whistle
And this’ll help things turn out for the best…

And…always look on the bright side of life…
Always look on the light side of life…

If life seems jolly rotten
There’s something you’ve forgotten
And that’s to laugh and smile and dance and sing.
When you’re feeling in the dumps
Don’t be silly chumpsJust purse your lips and whistle - that’s the thing.

And…always look on the bright side of life…
Always look on the light side of life…

For life is quite absurd
And death’s the final word
You must always face the curtain with a bow.
Forget about your sin - give the audience a grin
Enjoy it - it’s your last chance anyhow.

So always look on the bright side of death
Just before you draw your terminal breath

Life’s a piece of Shit
When you look at it
Life’s a laugh and death’s a joke, it’s true.
You’ll see it’s all a show
Keep ‘em laughing as you go
Just remember that the last laugh is on you.

And always look on the bright side of life…
Always look on the right side of life…
(Come on guys, cheer up!)
Always look on the bright side of life…
Always look on the bright side of life…
(Worse things happen at sea, you know.)
Always look on the bright side of life…
(I mean - what have you got to lose?)
(You know, you come from nothing - you’re going back to nothing.What have you lost? Nothing!)
Always look on the right side of life…

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8 comments:

Egan Foote said...

Egan was censored! For a guy who likes to talk so much, you seem to hope the First Amendment goes the way of the Mets...

Egan, out.

Hanley Ramirez said...

I would just like to thank the Mets on behalf of Red Sox fans (1978) and Yankees fans (2004 postseason)everywhere for releaving them of the title of "Biggest Collapse in Sports History."

Adam said...

This is about as hollow a feeling as I've ahd towards professional sports ever. This makes Superbowl XXXV look like it was a nailbiter.

Pathetic and deflating.

Rickey Henderson said...

Egan's comment about the Mets "having the second best third baseman in New York" was probably what got his post deleted. Well, that and the "METS STINK!!!!!!!!" line. (even if it's true).

upstate met fan said...

Dear Mets Fan:

All of us at the Mets are bitterly disappointed in failing to
achieve our collective goal of building upon last year's success.
We did not meet our organization's expectations -- or yours.
Everyone at Shea feels the same range of emotions as you -- our
loyal fans -- and we know we have let you down. We wanted to
thank you for your record-breaking support of our team this year.

Equally important, Ownership will continue its commitment in
providing the resources necessary to field a championship team.
Omar will be meeting with Ownership shortly to present his plan
on addressing our shortcomings so that we can achieve our goal
of winning championships in 2008 and beyond.

You deserve better results.

Many thanks again for your record-breaking support.

The New York Mets
_______

Fire Willie! Girardi In!

Mike said...

I think Eric Idle could've retired more batters than Giullermo Mota.

Rickey Henderson said...

Rickey got that too last night. Hey, at least the front office realizes how much of a disaster this is.

Smitty said...

What is this "baseball" Rickey speaks of? Ever since the Decline and Fall of the Tigers, and the beginning of football and hockey seasons, I have no recollection of this "baseball."