Friday, July 16, 2010

Probably the most comedically rewarding thing Rickey's ever done was create a faux email address and toss it up on this blog for random passers by to send him messages. And woo boy, do those messages deliver. They're an electronic smorgasbord of human confusion, angst, and gleeful perversity. Frankly, we're amazed to think that so many people think the actual Rickey Henderson not only had the wherewithal to kick start a blog, but then proceeded to use the word "loquacious" in five separate occasions in 2009.


As you'd suspect, Rickey gets a lot of requests to sign autographs, tell tall tales, and make speaking appearances at local Elks lodges. But far more entertaining are the profoundly unsettling emails. You know, the good and pervy kind. Why thank you kind sir, but Rickey being, a bit of a prude, is entirely unfamiliar with your notion of performing a "rusty trombone" on a "grizzly" and must therefore decline your kind invitation to rendezvous in the parking lot of the local Red Lobster this weekend. A good morrow to you, sir!

And finally, there are the emails threatening severe legal action. We like those the best. They make this whole blogging thing seem dangerous, kind of like zipping up one's fly too quickly! Rickey's living on the edge!

See, a while back, Rickey was scanning Fark.com and noticed a delightful post about a Red Sox scout being accused of indecent exposure. So Rickey crafted a delightful bit of satire about it involving Chris Hansen and some high stakes baseball trivia. Before posting it, Rickey sent it to his brother for his input, whose two word rapid response was "too far." So we knew we totally had to post it. And we did.

Flash forward two years. Rickey gets this mass email sent to him as well as a few other noted media outlets now informing everyone that the alleged sex offender has been cleared of all charges and that they damned well better take down the posts saying otherwise. It's not every day that your email address shows up next to the names of the editors from Pravda and the Boston Herald. So we're making the most of the experience.

Since the humorless prick who sent the email (presumably Jesse Levis, the alleged offender himself) seems hellbent on shutting down anyone who ever used his name and the phrase "sixteen year old girls" together in a single sentence, we're sad to report that this is your last chance to enjoy the blog post before we delete it forever. This Monday morning, Rickey will cast this delightful abomination into the ether. Wiped clean from the face of the earth as if it never existed. Casting aside a piece of writing like this.... It's as if Rickey's losing a piece of himself... Daisy, daisy... give me your answer do....

Ahem, anyway, this weekend, we give this post the proud viking funeral it deserves. Farewell brave little blog post. If you find yourself alone, riding in the green fields with the sun in your face, do not be troubled! For you are in Elysium, and you are already dead! Enjoy, folks. Because hyperlinks befuddle some of you, here's the full-fledged link:

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3 comments:

Bob "Melon" Melonosky said...

Dude,

You're totally protected by this thing called the Constitution. Dick Cheney used it to wipe his ass, you can use it to cover yours.

Did I never tell you about the time I took on Alyssa Milano and her mother?

Bob "Melon" Melonosky said...

btw, what's with this Untitled crap.

Who do you think are you, Mark Rothko?

Bob said...

Can't you just use the word "alleged" a lot like the MSM does and call it a day?

How about an asterisk with an update?