Great news everyone! Rickey just received an email from the Mets (entitled: "Flushing Flash!") concerning an exciting postseason ticket opportunity. While Rickey wasn’t selected to bid on tickets for the National League Championship Series at Shea Stadium, Rickey’s name will still be automatically entered in the drawing for potential World Series games at Shea! So, uh, we’ve got that going for us.
And now it is officially safe to say it: Rickey picked the wrong week to stop smoking. By discovering new and creative ways to lose games, the Mets have not been kind to anyone’s nerves. To make matters worse, Rickey is fairly certain that he cursed. Let’s look at the facts behind the two recent baseball games Rickey has attended. The September 15th Mets game Rickey attended was the start of the Mets current downward spiral. And the one Yanks game Rickey begrudgingly attended this year marked the beginning of the Yankee playoff push. We’re not the superstitious types, but this is some legitimately freaky stuff.
Why is all this happening you may ask? Pardon us while we take a leap into the realm of wild speculation. You see, there’s a strong possibility that this is all due to Rickey’s beard. For those not in the know, a “playoff beard” is a form of facial hair that is generally grown by sports fans once their team’s postseason commences (in this case, the baseball playoffs). Rickey, in an act of wild hubris decided to grow his beard in August—a whopping two months before the start of the postseason. And while Rickey’s beard was never really intended to be a playoff beard, obviously the baseball gods chose to ignore that detail and punish Rickey’s team accordingly.
So go ahead, blame all this on Rickey’s beard and the whims of the baseball gods. Because really, it’s a hell of a lot less aggravating/depressing than analyzing the clusterfuck beguiling liability that is the 2007 Mets bullpen. Or wondering which member of the coaching staff might take the fall for this debacle (we suggest you look no further than Rick Peterson). Rickey will be procuring a large bottle of Jack Daniels in preparation for tonight's game against the Marlins. In fact, Rickey has no plans to be sober this entire weekend, as well as Monday, should a one game playoff in Philadelphia occur. In the meantime, all you suffering Mets fans really need to read this. Now. It's simultaneously brilliant and cathartic, and the best Mets article Rickey has read online all year. Well done Toasty.
