Introducing Rickey’s Better Half

Amidst all the talk of baseball, videogames, gym membership, and other subjects of manly miscellany, some of you might have been wondering, “where’s Rickey’s soft side?” The answer of course is that Rickey doesn’t have one—at least not one that we’re aware of. But if we were to have one, it would most likely be embodied in the form of one Ms. Henderson, that shadowy & mysterious female we occasionally make reference to who has the unique pleasure of being engaged to Rickey. And she’s been relatively silent… until now, that is.

Ms. Henderson, inexplicably giddy with the prospect of marrying someone whose hobbies include growing beards and impersonating Rickey Henderson, was talking about wedding planning so much that her friends and family urged her to start a blog rather than constantly bombard them with the details. So now, she’s sharing her experiences planning the most important day of her life in the most reputable and distinguished manner possible: in blog form. And with occasional pictures of dogs. Those wishing to acquaint themselves with the girl responsible for washing Rickey’s laundry, picking up Rickey’s copy of GTA IV when he’s at work, brewing Rickey’s morning tea, and coming to grips with the fact that she’s engaged to a complete misanthrope should feel free to read Ms. Henderson’s Blog. (Rickey’s request that the blog be entitled “So You’ve Decided to Get Married During a Recession!” was flatly denied).

You wondered why Rickey had been so silent about the wedding planning hadn’t you? It wasn’t for lack of material to write about (because sweet fancy Moses, is there a lot of that). No, Rickey just didn’t want to steal Ms. Henderson’s thunder. We’ll let her share the experience with you instead. But if Rickey can just make a brief recommendation to those looking to plan their wedding: don’t make it a normal wedding. People have been there, done that and they’ve got the banquet hall matchbooks to prove it. This is why Rickey’s getting married at a venue owned by a family eerily resembling the Royal Tenenbaums, and even better, a property on which Hillary Clinton is confirmed to have relieved herself.

Rickey and Ms. Henderson hope to carry on this theme of a markedly non-bland wedding by employing the use of a wedding photographer isn’t a wedding photographer but a photojournalist, a caterer that isn’t a caterer but a bonafide & reputable chef, a DJ that isn’t a DJ but an actual musician, and having the wedding ceremony ordained by a devious imp who will be forced back into the fifth dimension if one of the guests tricks him into spelling his name backwards (hey, it beats paying him). And all this will culminate a year or so from now with a joyous display of fireworks as we remove the title of ‘Ms.’ from all future posts involving Rickey’s fiancée. (You’d think we’re speaking metaphorically about that fireworks thing, but we’re not—a "Class B" 15 minute pyrotechnics display isn’t as costly as you think).

So now that we’ve pimped Ms. Henderson’s website and completely broken all the nonexistent conflict of interest rules which apply to blogging, allow Rickey to be the first to say welcome to the neighborhood sweetie. If Rickey may make a suggestion: consider using capital letters, ok sweetie? Trust us, your readership will thank you for it. And that's the only freebie we're giving out, because as of this very moment, you are officially a competitor. Game on, wench.

Ms. Henderson Speaks

Hiya folks, Rickey here. In the spirit of trying ridiculously unncessary new things, we're kicking off a new column here at Riding with Rickey. If adventure has a name... it's a new blog column. The best part? This one is penned entirely by Ms. Henderson! Indeed. Think of it as Rickey's own little version of "The Sportsgal Speaks" from Bill Simmons' fantastic site. (Except this isn't written by a ditzy BoSox fan). And fittingly, the text is all in pink! Come now, what more could you possibly ask for?

Rickey admits, this is all kind of a ploy to boost his female readership over .5 hits per week. Look for this (hopefully) recurring column to appear whenever Rickey runs low on inspiration. So without further delay, let's turn things over to Rickey's infinitely better half. Take it away Ms. Henderson.

so Mr. Henderson has of late, been telling me that i should blog on his website. i really don't know why since I'm not the person that writes blogs. i'm that person that reads blogs. i read his blog, shouldn't that be enough? apparently not. so i suppose i'll give this a go, at least once, and see where it ends up. don't be shocked if this is the first and last installment. just giving out fair warning is all.

so for those not in the know, which is practically everybody reading this, i just moved from new jersey to new york . I am supposedly a new yorker now. my family lives in new jersey so i never felt the need to go very far. So now that i live in new york, what has changed (other then my address)? well, i still go home at least once a week. damned if I'm paying to do my laundry! you're not catching me in a laundromat anytime soon! i still get gas for my car in jersey. why should i pay new york prices? they're ridiculously high, plus i would have to pump my own gas. this is all very silly. why would one choose to pump their own gas? i can hear Mr. Henderson now: because it's faster and you don't have to wait on anyone. whatever. also, i'm still reeling from the fact that i have not found one place in westchester that has decent bagels. i'm a carbaholic and i need to have bagels in my life! another reason to go back to jersey.

so from going over what i have just written, it seems that i really haven't changed all that much about my life other then my address. hmm… interesting. some people might say i have a resistance to change going on here. i guess the big change here is that i now get to live with Mr. Henderson, which is a great perk and worth the move to westchester. they have to have decent bagels around here somewhere, right?

ok, so one last thing. i'm not always as amusing as Mr. Henderson is. so in parting, here's a link that's guaranteed to either make you laugh or just shake your head wondering what is wrong with the creators of this nonsense.