Who offers the best 3G experience? Let’s compare. AT&T runs the nation’s fastest 3G network, lets you talk and surf the web at the same time, offers the most popular smart phones, and access to over 100,000 apps. So when you compare, there’s really no comparison. Whew, just pointing at stuff is exhausting these days… Man, I really need to drop some of this weight. Anyway, just look at some of these nifty postcards from people who actually get service on our network! Crazy, right?
I’m not talking out of school when I tell you that things aren’t exactly being managed well in this company. Every wonder what the ‘A’ in AT&T stands for? It’s Algernon. No lie. What the hell is that shit? Doesn't even make any sense!
Let me take you though a day in the life of Luke Wilson. I wake up, I have a good cry, then I drive to the studio and film 47 AT&T commercials, each one more insipid than the last. They give me 30 minutes for lunch which I’ll usually spend enjoying a nice egg salad sandwich and trying not to think about the fact that the phrase “Fat Luke Wilson” generates 179,000 Google page hits. A couple dozen more AT&T commercials in the afternoon, then I go home, resume my squinty-eyed weeping and wait patiently by the phone for Wes Anderson to call and ask me to star in one of his movies.
Sigh… it’s OK, I didn’t need it anyway…. I'll just have a chef's salad or something, I guess. So in conclusion, I’d just like to say that I feel honored to be an AT&T spokesman. We have, like, uh, telephone poles and wires and shit.