Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Rickey’s Token Decade Retrospective!

This week, we close out 2009 and the decade at large with something special: a fond look back at some of our greatest hits over the past several years here at Riding with Rickey. And while you’d think that a mere three years of blogging might not qualify somebody to post a decade retrospective about their blog posts, that most certainly will not stop Rickey. Not today.

Today, we give you the greatest holiday gift of all: yet more Rickey. Some posts are intentionally funny, while others… not so much intentionally. And now, without further delay, we present some of our greatest hits here at RwR, sorted categorically for your OCD-driven pleasure. Strap in folks, because from here on out, it’s hyperlinks a go-go!

Rickey’s Far-Flung Travels! Generally, whenever Rickey ventures out of the apartment, seriously horrific shit occurs. Witness:

In which Rickey barely escapes fiery death enroute to a Mets game
In which Rickey wreaks havoc at a a bat-mitzvah in Williamstown (the irony is that Rickey pretty much forecasted this turn of events the day before)
In which Rickey seeps himself in Americana in its finest in Las Vegas
In which Rickey travels to an Irish bar and is regaled with a rather shocking story about a deer
And of course, there’s the ultimate: In which Rickey gets stuck in the mud in Costa Rica. If you read just one story this year about getting stuck in the mud on the way to Mal Pais and having to trade your wife for a horse, make it this one!

Rickey’s Middling Movie Reviews! Hey kids, what does one college cinema theory class and the gift of gab give you? Some seriously uninformed movie criticism! Behold:

Rickey reviews Tom Hank’s crazy Catholic romp in “Angels & Demons”
Rickey attempts to spell M. Night Shyamalan’s name 25 times correctly while reviewing “The Happening”
Rickey tries to shoehorn “Iron Man” into a tenuous political argument
Rickey reviews “The Dark Knight” (our one and only positive movie review!)

Rickey’s Guide to Blogging! The internet is a lawless realm of fuckwitterey, and somebody’s got to enforce some order. That somebody is Rickey. Because it’s just plain old fun to make up rules for blogging, we give you:

Rickey’s Commandments of Blogging, Part I
Rickey’s Commandments of Blogging, Part II
Rickey’s Commandments of Blogging, Part III

Rickey’s Cutting Edge Sports Commentary! For a website revolving around a famed athlete, it’s rather ironic that we know relatively little about sports. However, this hasn’t stopped Rickey from churning out the following sports-centric rib-ticklers:

Rickey Previews the 2008 Shea Stadium Promotional Games
Rickey Reports from the Johan Santana Press Conference
Rickey Live Blogs the 2008 Superbowl
Rickey analyzes thrilling advancements in the world of heckling
In which Rickey previews the 2008 Subway Series!
In which Willie Randolph gives one of his last pep talks to the Mets
In which the effects of the recession are felt within the Mets locker room
In which Rickey brings news of Billy Joel crashing his car into the Mets clubhouse
In which Rickey attends a Mets game and sits next to Susan Sarandon and Tim Robins (even two years ago, Rickey saw the warning signs!)
In which Rickey noshes with Joe Girardy and Mike Francessa
A Boston Red Sox employee arrested for public indecency? Oh you better believe Rickey was gonna write a “Dateline NBC” spoof about it…

Rickey’s Prescient Political Punditry! Again, a field that Rickey knows scant little about, a trait that by no means has stopped him from reveling in the absurdity of American political theater. For those longing to relive the craziness the 2008 Election, we think you’ll get a kick out of:

Sarah Palin’s New York City Itinerary
Rickey foolishly attempts to find logic in the rantings of Joe the Plumber
Rickey’s preview of the Vice Presidential debate
Rickey’s Republican National Convention drinking game!
Henry Paulson to Wall Street: “Nothing is Fucked Here Dude” followed quickly by….
Henry Paulson to Wall Street: “Repent Fuckers, the End Times are Nigh”
To kick off a new era in politics, we give you Rickey’s Guide to the 2009 Presidential Inauguration
And wrapping things up is President Obama’s Pick for the next Surgeon General

Rickey’s Beard Bloviation! Nearly two years later, we’re still not entirely sure why Rickey felt the need to constantly blog about his beard. We’ll let future generations weigh the cultural merit of journaling one man’s relentless quest to grow scraggly facial hair. Judge for yourself:

Day 5 of Beard Watch 2007!
Day 18 of the Beard!
Day 25!
Day 89!
In which Rickey bloviates about famous bearded politicians
In which Rickey completely goes off the deep end with this beard thing and imagines himself as a modern day Ernest Shackleton

Cooking with Rickey! Want to know what Rickey’s most excited for in his new house? The nice big kitchen. Rickey can’t wait to spread his culinary wings in an area far larger than a galley kitchen. In the meantime, marvel at some of the most delicious man-food recipes you’ve ever seen crafted, courtesy of Rickey:

Rickey cooks his Recession Blues Chili
Rickey cooks Steak Diane, Dish of the Huntress
Rickey cooks Buffalo Chicken Tenders
Rickey cooks Matzo Ball Soup (this stuff will cure cancer)
Rickey cooks his Tasty Tamil Tenders
Rickey cooks Irish Stew

Rickey’s Potent Potpourri! Pretty much any random cultural item that Rickey blogged about goes here. Stuff like..

Rickey’s mishaps on the company softball team! And back by popular demand, here’s the second installment
Rickey’s expose on the thrilling world of Finger Jousting, complete with angry response to Rickey’s post from the “Lord of the Joust” himself!
That time Rickey made the mistake of hosting a blog carnival about “24
That time Rickey bought a pair of aviator sunglasses and somehow wrote 5,000 words all about it
That brilliant post Rickey wrote about Indiana Jones’ accountant
That awkward post enumerating Rickey’s obsession with a children’s videogame about Piñata animals
That time Rickey reviewed a rather odd piece of food left in the second floor staff kitchen at work
In which Rickey tells you why the Sopranos finale was sheer genius and that you’re a philistine for disagreeing with him
And finally, there's that time Rickey went completely apeshit when his blog got a handful of negative reviews. Good times all around!

Wrapping things up, there’s the always enjoyable….

Rickey Recommends (The link will take you to a page containing all of ‘em. Every freaking 'Rickey Recommends' post. Every single piece of advice you need to live a life worth blogging about.)

Whew, well, that’s it we guess. Did we miss something? A funny post that Rickey omitted, perhaps? Feel free to let Rickey know in the comments section. Happy New Year’s everybody. See you all in 2010.

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Bob said...

You mean posting over at ATK wasn't a highlight of the decade?

Ungrateful bastard.

Seriously, Happy New Year.

HC said...

Yowza, you really are the son of a librarian... look at you index!

Rickey Henderson said...

Thanks! Hey, what's up with Rickey not being able to view your blog anymore? Is it because you're embarrassed of Rickey? Rickey promises to behave! He'll even cut back on the use of the word "cocksuckery"!

HC said...

Don't go changin' just to please me, Rickey...

Actually, I shut the blog down and made the archives private because I'm a dunce who suddenly realized she's google-able. Even though I never wrote anything terribly racey or embarrassing, I'd still rather not have it out there, so ::poof:: I went all Keyser Soze.

Smitty said...

Happy New Year, Rickey! To you and the Mrs.

Bob "Melon" Melonosky said...

Your beard posts are better than Tom Cruise's!

Seriously, have you considered spending this winter becoming obsessed with your pubic hair stylings? Guaranteed comic gold.

Hobbes said...

Thanks for the recommendations and Happy New Year.
I will try not to be intimidated by the intellectual fire power.

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