Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Rickey Recommends

This is where Rickey posts recommendations of noteworthy consumables, practices, and pastimes that have been deemed invaluable for the reader’s betterment. All products and pieces of advice listed herein have been Rickey tested and approved. Again, this is in no way shape or form a complete rip off of McSweeney’s (fa-la-la-la-la, lawyers, Rickey can’t hear you). Enjoy our latest installment of....


RICKEY RECOMMENDS

Carefully reviewing your local zoning laws before purchasing a flock of domesticated fowl. No, sadly, I don’t have some zany news story involving rampaging fowl to link to. I’m just a man. A man who has an accepted offer on a house and is now one step closer to fulfilling his lifelong dream of raising guinea hens in his backyard. I hear their eggs consumed raw are delectable! (or so I’m told by a miscreant at work). Guinea hens, they’re like chickens but infinitely cooler! Perhaps I just like saying the name “guinea hens.” Guinea hens! They rank right up there with the Jewfish as “animals badly in need of nomenclature adjustment.”

Making your own pepper vodka. Take a handful of peppercorns, toss ‘em in a bottle of cheap vodka (perhaps that one with the robot on it) stick it in the freezer, wait 3 weeks and presto: a tasty adult beverage! Nice sipped straight or even better in a bloody mary.

The Droid. Now this is podracing! a phone. This bright touch screen wonder runs multiple applications simultaneously, it provides turn by turn voice-guided directions, it has wifi, it sports a full qwerty keyboard, it syncs up all your Facebook and Gmail contacts, and it even makes phone calls when you feel the inexplicable urge to have a live conversation with another human being. In 5 years, this thing will be doing your job for you. Apple may rave about its 100K apps for the iphone, but the applications for the Droid are also incredibly numerous and rather impressive to boot. The other day I downloaded an app that stores my bevy of account passwords and only unlocks them after a retinal scan via the 5mp camera on the phone. ‘nuff said. Best of all, it runs on a stable network, unlike AT&T’s, (which one might compare to a lethargic raccoon ambling back and forth from your phone to a cell tower with a basket of bytes tied around its neck). Viva Google and this wondrous device. Did I mention that I can now blog from directly this thing? The a few weeks ago, I saw a bohemian lady on the street with a bird in a cage strapped to her back--just imagine the possibilities had I been able to live blog about it!

“The Prisoner” on AMC. I haven’t seen it yet, but my mom says it’s good. She’s usually right about this sort of thing.

Sunrise Earth. I used to watch the news in the morning. I have officially evolved past that, primarily because the mere sight of Al Roker fills me with an uncontrollable urge to kick things. Now, every morning, I inaugurate the day with a good cup of coffee and imagery of the sun rising over an exotic locale. No music, no narration, just the natural sounds of wherever the camera is situated. It’s strangely mesmerizing and utterly relaxing. This morning’s installment: buffalo roaming across an expansive plain while rosy fingered dawn illuminated the horizon. Solid stuff!

Modern Warfare 2. And on the other end of the cultural spectrum, we have the most batshit intense videogame ever made. Ever wanted to repel a Russian invasion of Washington D.C. while a Hans Zimmer score blasts in the background? Or perhaps see the battlefield through the lens of a Lockheed AC-130 gunship and rain down molten death from above upon your online opponents? Well friend, this game is for you. Not a thinking man’s game by any means, but still a romping good time. In other news, the Mrs. has noticed a serious uptick in the use of the phrases "we're Oscar Mike," "pave low," and "Hooah" in the household as of late...

“Modern Family” on ABC. Are you watching this show? Why aren’t you watching this show? It’s like “Arrested Development” featuring Ed ‘O Neil. Go watch this show. It ranks up there with “Community” as one of my new fall favorite comedies.

They Might Be Giants. People aren't recommending this band as much as they used to, so I’m here to pick up the slack. Nothing says “hey, I know i'm a dork and, post-college, I’ve come lastingly to happy terms with it” quite like owning a few They Might Be Giants albums. Give ‘em a listen to sometime.

Goldcoast Maine Lobster Spread. Available NOW at your friendly neighborhood Costco, this delicious spread consist of 70% lobster, 30% whitefish, and 100% win. Academics and dilettantes may disagree, but in the end, you really don't miss the 30% void of lobster. And it goes without saying that I heartily approve of any seafood that comes in spreadable form. I could eat 17 pounds of this stuff and not even realize what had happened. If possible, I’d eat this stuff in the bathtub, societal conventions notwithstanding.

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8 comments:

Bob said...

Horay, you have retunred from the dead.

I am interested in the Droid, but currently have a Motorola phone that is complete and utter crap.

Maybe it is crap becuase it runs on a microsoft operating system. What was I thinking then?

It doesn't really scan your retna does it?

Rickey Henderson said...

Yeah, this is the first decent phone Motorola has made since the StarTac.

It runs on Android (Google's mobile OS) and it's a terrific system.

And yes, the app (biowallet) does actually scan your retina. The phone's camera is pretty impressive--it can also scan barcodes... very useful for another app that scans product codes at stores and give you price comparisons for that item at other retailers.

Bob "Melon" Melonosky said...

Welcome back old friend!

HOWEVER, raising guinea hens has been my lifelong dream not yours. If I remember correctly, your lifelong dream inloves your dogs and Kevin Costner's bathtub.

I heartily agree with yor assessment of the lobster spread. If you feel like sharing with your party guests put it in a ceramic bowl and it will be gone in seconds. I prefer to leave it in its original cheezy packaging so that there is plenty left over for me and the couch.

RMatlack said...

I love Guinea Hens! You need 10 eggs to make an ommlette - but there really isn't anything cooler than sunny side up with 6-7 mini yolks staring back at some creepy yellow eyed white faced monster. My sister has a farm and out of all the eggs we gather (geese, turkey, chicken, guinea, etc.) the guinea eggs are by far the best....and they are much more quiet than chickens and turkeys!

Sunrise Earth is awesome, the rice fields of Vietnam (I think?) was simply amazing to watch! I can't think of a better way to start the morning....other than killing people playing Modern Combat!!!!

Adam said...

Sunrise Earth is magnificent. Good call!

Mr Furious said...

Years ago I declared "They Might Be Giants?—They Might SUCK!"

Still stand by that statement.

TMBG have a pretty good kid's album, which is really not all that different from their regular stuff, just placed in a more fitting category.

Mike Cane said...

The Prisoner on AMC?!!!?

AMC’s The Prisoner: The Problem Is In Bill Gallagher’s Mind

Lots in Samara Costa Rica said...

Hello!
Thanks for the recommendations, are very useful!!!