Wednesday, November 25, 2009

The Blog Post Where I Put Together a Half-Assed List and Wish Everybody a Happy Thanksgiving

Tomorrow we give thanks to living in a country led by a president who spends more time thinking about how to resolve the situation in Afghanistan than which turkey to pardon on the White House lawn. (One gets the feeling that it was the other way around with the last guy).

We give thanks that this is one of few holidays where we can gorge ourselves silly and watch football without feeling obligated to offer some sort of tribute to Jesus (man that guy is a serious attention whore…)

We give thanks to the wondrous gastronomical opportunities provided by this holiday. I, for one, am a big fan of Rooster Tooth’s take on the Thanksgiving staple, the Turducken:

“Start off with a hummingbird, put that in a sparrow, stuff 'em both in a cornish hen, then put that in a chicken. Put all that in a duck, then in a turkey, then in a bigger turkey, put that in a penguin, stuff that in a peacock, then an eagle, shove it all in an albatross, then and emu, next comes an ostrich, then a leopard. Put all that in a pterodactyl, and stuff it in a Boeing 747.”

We give thanks to all those magnificent bastards who remain undeterred from deep frying their turkeys, despite the fact that they’ve set fire to their houses the last 87 times they’ve attempted it. Happy Thanksgiving you morons, please try to refrain from napalming your house this time, OK?

Most of all, we give thanks to cranberry sauce. Sweet sweet cranberry sauce. Some people like to screw around and make their own, but let me tell you: nothing beats a perfectly cylindrical blob of cranberry sauce retaining its natural can shape (complete with the ridges!) Thanksgiving isn’t complete unless I hear that slimy sloughing noise as the cranberry sauce slides free of its aluminum confines.

Have a safe & happy Thanksgiving everybody.

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6 comments:

Bob said...

Happy Thanksgiving.

As a celebrator of Christmas, I feel no obligation to pay tribute to anyone but the gods of capitalism and in that case, only for my kids.

steves said...

I am kind of the other way around. There are already people waiting in line at stores that open at 5 a.m. for the riotous stampede to get one of five cheap HDTVs the store has. I am not anti present by any means, but I wouldn't mind scaling things back a fair amount.

Smitty said...

And a merry thanksgiving to the Hendersons!

I'm with steve: a person would forego thanksgiving feasts in order to sleep in a tent for a sale an entire day before the store opens?? Perspective, folks. Find some.

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