This weekend, the baseball apocalypse looms. Thanks to the scheduling devilry of interleague play, Yankees fans will root for the Mets (uh yeah, good luck with that guys) and Mets fans will root for the Yankees. And so in honor of this weekend, we become…
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Riding With Reggie, a thrilling new sports blog which pays homage to all things Yankees! It’s two day mission:
- To explore strange new worlds of smugness and baseball illiteracy
- To pay homage to each and every Yankee tradition, no matter how minuscule or trivial
- To provide regular updates on Chien-Ming Wang’s thrilling single-A career
- To commission a YouTube tribute video commemorating the life and times of Suzyn Waldman, set to the theme of “God Bless America” and featuring meerkats
- To celebrate the Yankees, regardless of the actual outcome of any game. 10-0 loss? No biggie—they committed zero errors! Johnny Damon’s uniform was nice and clean!
- To introduce the adjective “Jeterian” into the English lexicon
- To compliment C.C. Sabathia’s masterful ability to pitch despite being 24 months pregnant
- To create a needlepoint cushion bearing Joba Chamberlain’s face for Ms. Henderson (this counts as your wedding gift sweetie)
- To talk like John Sterling for 48 hours straight, employing the following phrases on a regular basis: “azure blue skies,” “them’s the breaks,” and “cut on and missed!”
- To not fixate on the fact that the Mets could’ve signed Orlando Hudson, Jose Reyes’ calf is shredded, Carlos Delgado needs hip replacement surgery, the entire lineup is in shambles, Jerry Manuel is shaping up to be an even worse coach than Willie Randolph, or that GARY SHEFFIED IS NOW THE EVERYDAY LEFT FIELDER FOR THE NEW YORK METS... GOD FUCKING DAMNIT THE PLANE HAS CRASHED INTO THE GODDAMNED MOUNTAIN.
7 comments:
I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say that you meant to type Orlando HUDSON.
Quiet you. (everybody's a critic). The necessary change has been made.
Wait. Was this blog about baseball before?
It's still hockey season. What is this...baseball?
I'd like to take this opportunity to celebrate the new and much-needed changes to RwR, I'd like to remind you that baseball-related emotional torture is not solely the province of the New York Metropolitans.
Reggie, I'd like to welcome you to the Yankee Universe (tm). Here's your complementary stripper and stack of benjamins.
Dick Cheney's been mighty Jeterian of late. (Running the country is his, just like playing short stop is Jeter's, but, of course, that makes Obama A-Rod....hmm...rethink.)
As for what you left out, there's Daniel Murphy being a worse outfielder than Rickey would be, there's Oliver Perez being a worse pitcher than I would be, there's Ryan Church rounding, and I mean rounding, third....
It's still hockey season. What is this...baseball?No kidding...fucking Blackhawks!
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