Monday, December 22, 2008

Riding With Rickey presents Hank Steinbrenner in "Fiddler on the Roof"

Adam here, delivering to Rickey a Hanukkah gift of sorts-

Here's a drinking game you may want to try if you're suicidal- turn on the YES network and bring in a case of beer. Everytime you hear the word "tradition" take a sip. I challenge you to make it through the first 15 minutes of Michael Kay interviewing Billy Crystal.

In light of this singular buzzword, we here in "Rickey-land" have decided to produce our own Broadway revival of another tradition- the classic "Fiddler on the Roof." Take the original opening number below, and set it to the new lyrics underneath the clip:

A fiddler on the roof...
More like "meddler on the roof," no?
But here, in our little village of 'da Bronx,
you might say
every one of us is a meddler on the roof.
Trying to scratch out an over-paid lineup
without breaking the Federal Reserve.
It isn't easy.
You may ask,
why do we build an unnecessary new stadium
if it's so expensive?
Well, we stay because
'da Bronx is our home.
And how do we keep our preferred tax treatment?
That I can tell you in one word!



Because of our traditions,
we've kept our fans fooled for many, many years.
Here in 'da Bronx,
we have traditions for everything.
How to buy $10 beer.
How to pay for $20 nosebleeds.
How to root for steroid-users.
How to appear classy!
For instance,
we always keep our beards shaved,
and always wear some patch honoring a dead Yankee.
This shows our constant devotion to George Steinbrenner.
You may ask,
how did this tradition get started?
I'll tell you.
I don't know.
But it's a Yankee tradition.
And because of our Yankee traditions,
every one of us knows who he is
and what George expects him to do.
Who, day and night, must scramble for a $20 million per year contract
Cheat on a wife and children
Say his daily denials about HGH use?
And who has the right to abandon the house
that Babe Ruth built?

The Steinbrenners
The Steinbrenners
Yankee Tradition
The Steinbrenners
The Steinbrenners
Yankee Tradition

Who must know the way to make a proper clubhouse
An unstable clubhouse
A Yankee clubhouse?
Who must write the lineup card and run the clubhouse
So the Steinbrenners are free to drink and piss money away?
The Girardi
The Girardi
Yankee Tradition
The Girardi
The Girardi
Yankee Tradition

At three Jeter started Yankee school
At ten he learned to pickup goyim
I hear he banged Mariah Carey
I hope
she's pretty

And who does Girardi teach
To whiff in clutch situations?
Preparing him to earn his contract
Even though he has no motivation?
The A-Rod
The A-Rod
Yankee Tradition
The Steinbrenners
The A-Rod
Yankee Tradition

And in the circle of 'da Bronx,
we've always had our special types.
For instance,
Burnett, the free-agent bust,
He reminds me of Pavano, the beggar.
And, most important of all,
our beloved Yogi.

Yogi, may I ask you a question?

Certainly, Hank.

Will we make it out of the first round of the playoffs?

Of course we'll choke! It's deja vu all over again!
It's Yankee Tradition!

h/t to Raji for making the joke that inspired this post.

[posted at Humor Blogs]

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Rickey Henderson said...

Hats off to you sir. Seriously great shit. Rickey was way past due on a sports related post too.

On another note, we should just rename the blog to "Jewing it up with Rickey."

Smitty said...

Wow. That was some serious writing. HBO-quality stuff.

Adam said...

Thanks guys- we're going to tour through Vancouver first, to work out the kinks (Yogi keeps napping during the big numbers). But we'll get there!

weirsdo said...

Can't wait for "Because He Is a Rich Man."
Having gone to school with Jessie pre-Yankees, I can relate.