Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Rickey Reviews Odd Books Left in the Second Floor Staff Kitchen

In Rickey’s office, something of an unofficial revolving library exists. Coworkers bring in a mishmash of mostly Danielle Steele and James Patterson books with the intention that other coworkers will enjoy them, but as far as Rickey can tell, no one actually reads them (and for a very good reason). Until now, that is, because Rickey has taken it upon himself to peruse some of the finer literary offerings from the heap. So join us on the inaugural edition of this column as we examine some of these hidden literary gems and downright oddities in the second floor staff kitchen of Rickey’s office.Ted Kennedy: In Over His Head. Well there’s an exceedingly tasteful book title for you. And just when we'd thought Chappaquiddick jokes were getting old... In case you forgot, there’s a sizeable swath of the country that still gets off on demonizing what remains of the Kennedy family. They’ll go after the Kennedys' pets if they can. It’s a sport for these people, much like quail hunting. Flipping through this incredibly sensationalist book, we get the feeling that its original intended title was “Brews, Broads, Brahmins and Bridges: The Teddy Kennedy Affair!” but the author’s editor turned down the idea. Someone from Rickey’s office clearly has a clinically unhealthy obsession here, because they brought in a whole slew of books on the Kennedy scandals. We’re talking everything from “The Sins of the Father: Joseph P. Kennedy and the Dynasty he Founded” by Ronald Kessler to “The Kennedy Men: Three Generations of Sex, Scandal and Secrets” by Nellie Bly. Ugh, next…

The Fourth and Richest Reich. That’s funny, Rickey had always thought that the whole “Reich” thing kind of ended with the third one on May 7, 1945. Apparently not, according to author, quack economist, and all around conspiracy theorist Erwin Hartrich. Nope, they’re on the march again, and along with the Freemasons, the Illuminati, the Knights Templar, and your weird neighbor Edmund, are out to create a New World Order. And this isn't the only book in the collection that delves into the subject of Nazis. Again, this is fairly unnerving stuff. There’s something rather unsettling about people with a fixation on the Third Reich, much like the repressed and insane father from “American Beauty” who hordes Nazi memorabilia. You get the feeling that something’s just not right there. True story: Rickey once briefly dated a girl whose idea of a good nice date movie was “Downfall: The Last Days Inside Hitler’s Bunker.” She actually said: “there’s something fascinating about watching movies about Hitler.” Rickey waited until the car ride home to inform her that the relationship was over.

Christmas in America. Given the fact that the same person who brought in those other books was probably responsible for this one too, this is the creepiest one in the batch. And egad, the face on that little girl is pure nightmare fuel. Mazel tov, anonymous coworker, you've managed to make Rickey fear the coming of Christmas!
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Alex L said...

And since it scared the pants off you, you thought it would be a good idea to ruin christmas for the rest of us... yeeesh that kid is wrong!

Deb said...

Forgive me, Rickey, but I can't resist sharing this oldie but goodie Kennedy joke. Here goes: a woman goes into a bar in Palm Beach. Inside the bar are Ted Kennedy and William Kennedy Smith. And they're checking the woman out, and after some time, William Kennedy Smith sidles up to her and introduces himself. "Hi, I'm William Kennedy Smith, and that's my Uncle Ted. And we've been checking you out, and I have some good news and bad news for you. Which you do you want first?"

The woman replies, "well, give me the good news first."

So he says, "The good news is that I'm going to rape you."

Aghast, she asks "If that's the GOOD news, tell me, what's the BAD news?"

He replies, "The BAD news is that my Uncle Ted is going to drive you home!"


Smitty said...

Sounds like Rickey has an office with at least one Hugh Hewitt/Bill Kristol fetishist.

George said...

Don't worry, Christmas isn't coming, it's just breathing hard.

Toasty Joe said...

This reminds me of Rickey's post last year when he described eating some weird gelatin snack he found in his office. That's Rickey - the king of blogging about office detritus.

Les James said...

I've managed to turn aside more than one person trying to loan me a "really great book" by simply asking if it has pictures.

Bob said...

That kid makes me think she is looking up at Santa Claus, who is approaching her with a bloody knife.

steves said...

In case you forgot, there’s a sizeable swath of the country that still gets off on demonizing what remains of the Kennedy family.

Well, there is the fact that "America's Royal Family" seems to bring a lot of this on themselves.