Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Adventures in Web Design

Rickey is feeling a bit like Icarus after spending some time working on a website which, shockingly, is in no way shape or form affiliated with the RwR family of products. (This one’s actually semi-legitimate!) As if the strenuous demands of toiling on just one site weren’t enough, now Rickey has two to worry about. Two, goddammit! So bear this in mind before leaving an emotionally needy remark in the comments section pleading for Rickey to check out your site, ok?

What is this new site? Why, its Rickey’s wedding website of course. Indeed, one of the few wedding-related tasks that Rickey has been entrusted with (other than envelope licking, stamp procurement, and occasional nodding) is the creation of a newfangled website. And let Rickey tell you—if you think that Blogger or Wordpress are a pain to work with, sweet fancy moses, you bastards have no idea. None. We’re not entirely certain which demonic fiend from the fiery abyss created www.wedshare.com (we hate them so much we refuse to link to them) and quite frankly, we don’t care anymore. We just need closure. Or an exit strategy. All Rickey knows is that nothing makes him want to repeatedly punch the person nearest to him in the face quite like a shitty noncompliant web hosting site.

Why in fuck’s sake would a company roll out a product that doesn’t jive at all with IE? Why does a simple cut and paste command place text in an entirely different section? Why won’t Rickey’s changes update? Where’s the HTML formatting? Why won’t anything center? Why does all the text turn to smiley faces whenever Rickey right clicks? Why did Rickey need to waste an entire morning openly weeping onto his keyboard before he thought to try running the site in Firefox? Don't the creators of this lousy site realize that Rickey's got a fucking responsibility here?

Additionally, if someone could explain Photoshop to Rickey that would also be just fan-fucking-tastic. Up until recently, Rickey’s editing tool of choice was the graphical powerhouse known as “MS Paint” (see image above for Rickey’s latest masterpiece) and all this talk of layers, masking, and gradients has Rickey a bit frazzled. Frazzled enough that after hearing Rickey vehemently curse at the computer for the majority of last weekend, Ms. Henderson is now giving serious consideration to seating Rickey at the children’s table for the wedding reception. “Where’s my new husband? Oh, he’s over at the children’s table arguing about Viva Piñata with that sixth grader. Just leave him be.”

And before anyone asks, no Rickey will not be sharing the link to his wedding website with any of you misanthropes. The last thing Rickey needs right now is his grandmother reading a comment about goat fellatio in the guest book.

[Posted at Humor Blogs]

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16 comments:

Alex L said...

I may be able to help with the photoshop stuff, I'm sure there are people out there that know more than me, but if you have any questions I may be able to help.

Sassdawg. said...

Ricky,

Smart move not passing around the link to your wedding website....
True Story... a buddy of mine from work had his wedding website listed on his facebook, word got out to wall street about this from one enterprising bulldog named Sassdawg. It was great, it was like feeding a kitten to a pitbull at Mike Vick's house. Bad news for him was that he got the crap torn out of him for an entire afternoon, good news for him was that he probably got a lot of stuff off of his wedding registry.

Rickey Henderson said...

Alex: well ok since you insist... for starters, how does Rickey cut and paste several images onto the same palette? And can they be resized once he does? Rickey's been using the "place" function and its pretty unwieldy...

Sassdawg: but he still got gifts off the registry? Hmmmm, perhaps the pros outweigh the cons on this one. Coming soon, a link to Rickey's wedding registry at EB Games!

sinisterdan said...

...arguing about Viva Piñata with that sixth grader...

This was the topic of the thesis for my Master's degree.

Excellent post.

Lord Likely said...

Surely, in this day and age, it would be more profitable to set up some sort of divorce web-site?

muskrat said...

That's for the sucks, and wedding websites is one of the 412 reasons why I eloped.

Aren't you supposed to be doing LSAT practice tests anyway? Ms. Henderson needs to recognize!

Ray said...

If you are using Photoshop 5 or newer the fastest way in my opinion would be...

1) make a new document at the desired size (ctrl+n or file>new)

2) open the other images, and...
a)drag and drop the layers or...
b) copy paste into the new doc

3)Resize the images as needed, Ctrl+T will reveal the handle bars for resizing, holding shift while resizing will keep proportions constrained.

This is of course, if you are only looking to create a jpeg or other image without any slicing or coding.

George said...

Actually this website sounds brilliant. After dealing with it, any other part of marriage will seem like a piece of cake.

The Common Man said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
The Common Man said...

Ricky, I know nothing of photoshop. But I will direct you the man who does: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U_X5uR7VC4M

The Hypocritical One said...

Did someone say goat fellatio? Bleeaating good times.

George said...

You set the site for private didn't you! Darn, I wanted a laugh.

Alice said...

Dude... MS Paint rocks my world. And Vanilla Ice's.

FYI - I got married without wedshare.com and YOU CAN TOO! The only things that matters at weddings are the music and an open bar.

Rickey Henderson said...

Ray/Common Man: dudes, thanks a million. That's a tremendous help.

George: no, Rickey believes it's open to the public. Not much to chuckle about really, unless a travel guide to the Hudson Valley is your sort of thing...

Alice: good point, but one does wonder how people did all this before the days of the internet (particularly the online registry). Having all the info on one place is a pretty handy thing.

Bee said...

ha ha! People have been kicking me in the imaginary nuts because I still use IE.
Also, be careful with the envelope licking. It might be toxic! ;o)

Alex L said...

Well I guess you dont need my help any more then... [storms out and slams door]