Wednesday, June 4, 2008

This Week in Political Wonkery

And so it ends (or begins, depending upon your view of things). At long last, our national nightmare of inconsequential Democratic strife has come to an end. For the most part, Rickey steered clear of discussing the matter, primarily due to the fact that in the absence of any substantial differences between the two candidates on the major issues, the discourse quickly devolved into petty bickering on the topics of corkscrew landings, renegade reverends, and musings on who whitey would feel most comfortable voting for in November. As the primary season dragged on (and on, and on…), Rickey had come to regard Hillary Clinton and her followers with the same attitude he does for the mother goose and her baby chicks that insist upon crossing the road on Rickey’s commute to work each day: get out of the goddamned way you goofy fuckers, this shit isn’t helping anyone.

In principal, Rickey has no qualms with Hillary Clinton: she’s a strong candidate with a clear vision of how to undo the clusterfuckery of the past seven years of a neo conservative controlled White House. What Rickey takes issue with his how she ran her campaign, because somewhere along the line she unwittingly transformed herself into the caricature of herself that the GOP machine has been successfully demonizing for years. Those who honestly believe that she’s the strongest candidate would do well to remember Rush Limbaugh’s campaign to enlist his listeners to vote for her, and the fact that there’s a massive swath of the American populace that would crawl over mountains of broken glass to vote against her in November. Even more harmful is that fact that when faced with a setback or script change, the Clinton campaign became shrill, increasingly populist, and depressingly calculating.

By mocking Obama’s alleged empty rhetoric, Clinton was actually rallying against hope, idealism, and the notion that yes, goddammit, we actually deserve a candidate with lofty principals who doesn’t pander to the lowest common denominator. Rickey takes issue with her campaign slogan: “Ready to Lead From Day 1,” the insinuation being that upon entering the Oval Office for the first time, a bleary eyed and coked up Barack Obama would accidentally hit the big red button that overturns Roe vs. Wade, inserts Scientology in the nation’s 8th grade Biology textbooks, raises everyone’s taxes by 300%, nukes Israel, and awards Bechtel a no-bid contract to clean up the whole mess. Ultimately, it was Clinton’s sense of entitlement that bugged Rickey the most, and it’s that arrogant entitlement that makes it so hard not to experience a certain measure of schadenfreude at her defeat. Our apologies if that last statement goes against the grain of party unity, but after witnessing Clinton’s open mouthed toothy smile on the campaign trail for the past two years, Rickey had been becoming slowly unhinged.

As a rule, those seeking a place on the Presidential ticket need to eat a little humble pie for a little while. We’re not sure how Clinton’s decision to employ the angst of her 18 million supporters as a thinly veiled threat to Obama plays into that notion, but if those 18 million supporters are all like this one, then Rickey’s pretty sure that the Democratic party can do without ‘em for the moment. And now that we’ve moved from the frivolous phase to the “shit just got real” phase of the election cycle, Rickey has the distinct pleasure of fixing his gaze upon John McCain The Maverick™, a man whose campaign rallies are set to the Indiana Jones theme song (no joke) and who as far as we can tell, is only a few weeks away from wrestling a grizzly bear on live tv and changing his campaign slogan to “It’s Not the Years, It’s the Mileage.” And isn’t that fun, someone simultaneously new and old to vilify...

Update: (courtesy of ATK) for those that haven't seen it, here's the video of Terry McAuliffe on The Daily Show last night assuring John Stewart that Hillary Clinton is still bound for the White House. John Stewart's response: "Wow. How do you do that? I'm a Mets fan. They started the season strong and then completely collapsed. Convice me they won the World Series."

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7 comments:

George said...

Hey, our Obama posts began the same way, indeed.

Can you tell what I'm thinking right now?

jeremy said...

i think it's safe to say that it'll take obama at least a month or two to raise taxes 300%

Toasty Joe said...

What I'd like to know is, how are we supposed to believe she'd be ready to lead the country on "day one," when her presidential campaign got waxed on "day one" in Iowa?

Rickey Henderson said...

George: Rickey's thinking that you want pancakes.

Jeremy: Trillion dollar wars don't exactly pay for themselves buddy. Somebody's going to have to make up for 8 years of financial recklessness.

Toasty: There's the rub. The Clinton campaign changed the script whenever it suited their needs. Didn't win Iowa? Fuck it, that one wasn't as crucial as the other states.

Zernialophile said...

The "sense of entitlement" persists because the Clintons, having been born at a particular time, see themselves as fulfilling the legacy of RFK, being the embodiment of a Modern Liberal Dynasty (whatever the hell that means) with that nagging altruism displaced by dogged ambition.

Now that you've barfed up this particular rage-a-hol, how 'bout an entire post dedicated to Fernando Tatis?

Rickey Henderson said...

Too much vitriol for you, eh? Ok, ok... Rickey will get back to the Mets talk shortly.

Mike said...

got waxed

Sounds like one of them there gender-based "dog whistles" that got feminist Hillary supporters up in arms.

Me? Just gets me up.