Tuesday, October 30, 2007

A Peek Ahead on the Calendar

The leaves are now just starting to turn colors in Rickey’s particular region of the United States, but make no mistake: Winter is coming. It’s rather curious how Summer leapfrogged Fall and proceeded directly into Winter, isn’t it? At some point, the general public really does need to start asking presidential candidates questions like “Mr. Obama, it was 80 degrees in mid-October in the Northeast. Precisely what do you intend to do about that?”

And so Winter rapidly approaches. Huzzah. We actually like Winter for several reasons. The primary one being that Rickey gets to venture outside in frigid weather and test the heat insulating abilities of his newly grown man-beard. For reasons we can’t quite explain, Rickey is eager to have frost and/or snow cling to his beard (kind of like a mountain climber, only without all the tiresome schlepping). Rickey wants to stroll into work resembling the fellow pictured below.

Nothing decries rugged masculinity quite like a frosted man-beard. Yes we know how ridiculous that last statement sounds and we’re sticking with it anyway.

The secondary reason we enjoy winter is that it’s coming coincides with the anniversary of Rickey’s street date on this crazy blue marble called earth. So naturally, much rejoicing and jubilation can be expected to come from this blog during the entire month of December. The hell with Christmas/Chanukah/Kwanzaa/Festivus. This is a far bigger event. Feel free to sacrifice a goat or two if it makes you feel better, but what Rickey really expects from this event is gifts. Lots and lots of gifts.

This is why we’re posting early—so you can avoid the post Thanksgiving holiday rush and purchase your presents for Rickey now. See how considerate we’re being about all this? Rickey has put some thought into developing a list of things he wants and has narrowed his selections down to the following categories:

1) Gifts Rickey actually has a realistic shot at receiving

2) Gifts Rickey wants however is unlikely to receive

3) Gifts no reasonable man would request, but Rickey is flat-out demanding nonetheless

As of this posting, Rickey has not yet determined the exact contents of the list. We’re merely announcing that an announcement of the list will be coming shortly. So gird your loins and open your wallets, because the diamond studded Montblanc pens and hypoallergenic cats aren’t going to buy themselves people.

Now if you’ll excuse Rickey, he’s off to attend a mandatory office emergency evacuation training class. Evidently it’s kind of important to know what to do in the event of a fire drill. Rickey’s current office evacuation plan involves playing “Flight of the Bumblebee” on a boombox while sprinting towards the nearest exit and shoving meddlesome women and children out of the way. Arguably there’s room for improvement in Rickey’s plan. So at the training class, Rickey is going to suggest that a string quartet be required to stay behind and perform in the event of a fire. Wish us luck.

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4 comments:

Egan Foote said...

Is that a picture of Shackelton?

Egan, out!

Fletch said...

During your evacuation, be sure to hire Jon Favreau to play a clown named Eric, and then push him out of the way as well. Then we'll just call you 'George' from now on, since it's one fewer syllable than saying 'Rickey.'

Diesel said...

Mmmm, frosted man-beard.

Rickey Henderson said...

Well all the talk about "frosted man-beards" and the sudden appearance of a fellow named "diesel" ought to settle any nagging questions you folks had about Rickey's sexuality.